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Back on 5/27/2012 I wrote: "STOP...Don't Do It!"

Did this subject catch your eye? I haven't posted in a couple years, I am 2 years post-op gastric bypass and have maintained 150 lb weight loss and weigh 145 lbs. This is a reality check for those who are struggling. STOP DONT DO IT is an honest statement if your not working on your mental health. This surgery, all of these types of surgery are ONLY TOOLS!!!! You have to work on yourself, why are you the way you are right now? Am I perfect absolutely not!~ It is a lot of hard work, dedication and persistence!!!!! This is not an easy fix!!! It takes work.... But what is good... anyone can do it if s/he puts their mind to it!..... You have one life to live right here, what way do you want to do it? It took me 3 years before I decided to actually go through the procedure, during those 3 years, I worked on my mind..... a total body makeover if you will.... That is what will make you a success!!!!! Stop with the excuses.... Get help! Get support, Get motivated and Get Love for yourself!!!! ~ Thanks Tina

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Today is August 20, 2016...Reflection

November 2014 I began a hiccup on this journey... I got a call saying.. The doctor would like to see you today.  This was the day that took a toll on my mental health.  "your mammogram showed a couple of spots I want to refer you to a specialist and have them treat you.  That call led to going to Burlington VT for further work up.  The breast they are watching but my female reproductive parts are in trouble.  I began chemotherapy from November 2014 till June 2015, had a Davinci total hysterectomy with 13, yes thirteen tumors removed... Boy when I woke up I was feeling much better.  From July 2015 till now, I have not required any doctor visits, haven't had any complaints of pain or anything!!!  HUGE.... However, I required time to work on my own mental health... I ended up taking a less stressful job (still worked full time) but took it easy.  Well...  All of this HAS led to weight regain!  I did not even focus on my health or physical fitness.... Emotional eating returned, senseless eating returned for my own self soothing. 

My clothes got tight, bought more comfortable ones and then those got tight and I said to myself one day..then my back went out... Again and it had been a long time..."WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING!  STOP THIS INSANITY!"  So, I got out the scale, and prepped my head that it was ok whatever number I saw and that it will give me a starting point to begin my journey back to where I was.  Stepped on the scale and waited patiently for the number to pop up and the number revealed 189lbs, 44 lbs from where I was.  That was this past Monday. This is my beginning point again.  I got back here on this support group started reviewing my blog, and responses and decided to reply to this blog post.  This is evidence the tool is a tool... If you become mindless on your life journey this is what can happen.  Stress and fear is what led to this hiccup.  I was afraid, I was physically sick and I wanted to pamper my pain, and I did.  Now are there better ways to deal with what I went through... ABSOLUTELY.... But guess what?  This is the path that I chose to take at that time.   STOP THE INSANITY the self talk provided.  I dug out my bariatric paperwork.  Started reviewing the basics... Re-entered my obesity hep blog.  Went back to using the tools and vow to get serious and use my tool to the BEST of my ability.  

I will be here...I am looking for anyone that is in the regain period that would like to be my bariatric buddy to work on this together.... Are you that person?  If so... Let me know... Let's do this!  I am taking my own advice.... I am stopping with the excuses.... Asking for help and support.... I am getting motivated... And I am back to loving myself.... Thank you Self... For writing this as you have motivated me when I need a little kick to get moving.  ~ Tina

 

 

Well hello,
I haven't wrote in a while and thought I would drop a note with an update.  I am 6 weeks, 3 days post-op.  I am 46 lbs down I weight 222 lbs and holding. I am frustrated I have weighed this since week 3.  When is this stall going to end???????? GRRRRRRRR  Also, changes I have noticed:  I am finally having regular BMs, whoa that took me 5 weeks to get regular, I was getting nervous.  Energy level is out of this world and I feel like my ol' self. I have noticed that my PMS is 10x stronger..... lol  I went on a rampage smashing/punching a dozen eggs out..... I posted a note about it, your welcome to check for it.  It is a funny story.   I am sooo afraid of eating too much and not loosing the weight.  I am eating almost a whole Smartone TV dinner for a meal. 1 egg/cheese omlett, w/2 potato squares(homefries minus the fry part, I mash it....I need some recipe ideas. They don't really want me working out until week 8 but I am ready to start tomorrow.  HELP>.. any ideas?

I was in Walmart today and found the cutest little pan to cook my egg in, it fits only one. Anyways, I went to the checkout and the cashier said that they make great eggs for muffin sandwiches.  Since she was friendly enough, I told her that is about what I eat for a meal, she asked why, I said because I had gastric bypass.  She replies. "what?? You don't need that, your skinny!"  I said thank you for the compliment and told her I have been working hard at this. As I was walking out the door of the store, I found my eyes watering thinking to myself..... She just said I was skinny.. ( I still weigh 223lbs). But I have never heard those words in all my life. It's an emotional day for me, tears of joy, happiness and contentment.  So to that avail.... I found I went to clothing store to try on some clothes..just to see.  I am down to XL from 3x and +.  OMG.

Now if I could just get the BM's flowing, I be all set :-)

Well, yesterday was the first day post-op that I felt like my ol' self plus some. I had an extraordinary amount of energy and was very productive.  I invited friends over for dinner. I made Sheppards Pie, Homemade Cheddar Bay Biscuits like (Red Lobster's), peas and homemade Chocolate Mayonaise Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting. I enjoyed making it, smelling it but did not care to eat any of it. I also cleaned the house a bit and was pretty successful, I didn't do everything I wanted to but I did do some.

Ok, now I am still having problems going to the bathroom. I have had MOM last Friday and Yesterday, so far no results. And to top that off. Aunt flo just came for a visit. I am wide awake and it is 6am, been up since 3am. Thirsty.

I am also having trouble getting 64 oz of water in a day. I used to have no trouble before, but since I have a pouch instead of a stomach.. go figure.

No pain still. I think I am free and clear of that.

I go back to the dr Thurs for 3 week f/u.  I am down to 224 lbs.

Then Friday we are leaving for Florida for 2 weeks.  We are driving.  I am kinda nervous to go on this trip so soon. but it may be a nice change for me. I pray no complications or issues. That is my only worry now.

ttyl

Ok.  It is starting.... until now I didn't have any cares for any foods. Now since I have started back eating cottage cheese all foods I used to eat is starting to drive me crazy. I know I physically can not eat them, nor will I. But whoa... the feeling is real all of what you hear is true.  I knew to expect it but I thought because post-op early on I didn't I didnt' think it would come.  So here it is. I keep repeating, I have a new life.. and repeat the mantra Nothing taste as good as thin will feel.  I went to BINGO cause that's about all I am allowed to do right now... I walked in and I looked around and noticed the majority of this population could benefit from this surgery. I also watched and observed what they ate.  Cheeseburgers, hotdogs, chilidogs, french fries, potato chips, pizza, and more..  All the carnival food you would find... some ate constantly through the whole show.  My sniffer smelled the food and my head was like mmmmmmmmmmmmm then whooooooooooooaaaaaa  so I had a rational vs irrational argument with the self about this and I won.  I know I physcially can not eat these foods.  Someone who had the surgery two days after me said she had a family gathering with BBQ chicken, were on the liquid stage... and she couldn't resist and had just a taste of the BBQ sauce and became sick to her stomach.  I don't want to do that.  So, I am just taking it one step at a time.  I got home and had my 1 teaspoon of cottage cheese... it went down easy.  Cant wait for Thurs... I can have scrambled eggs and toast.. that is 1/2 of egg scrambled and 1/2 slice toast. oh well.   8 weeks will come soon enough... One step at a time

Well, where to begin....I am one week 3 days post-op.  I started this journey at 262.At start of pre-op liquid diet I weighed 254.  Today I weigh 230. 32 lbs down. My energy level sucks. I walked about 8 blocks x2 yesterday and thought it was like a marathon, I showered this morning and felt like I was an old lady, had to sit because I am sooo body fatigue. My mind is energetic but my body is far from it. I know this is because I am liquids.  Have only had one BM since the 5th. That was last Sat. Called the office and they said to take 1TBSP MOM q1 hr until results, I am doing this now. hopefully results soon.  They also oked me to start phase 2 today over Saturday. So I tried the tip of a teaspoon of lactaid lowfat cottage cheese... so far so good.  But no more till I have a BM.  My husband is frustrated with the low energy and has upset me for the first time during this journey.  I told him how it made me feel and hopefully he will be more sensitive.  He is not liking this part of the journey.  Do I have any complaints?  No so far. No pain. getting fluids. all minus protein... let me back track a bit.  Surgery on Monday the 5th, Discharged Wed the 7th.  Thurs 8th after protein shake, massive heartburn couldn't get fluids in... Friday 9th called office, come right away... Got there they assessed me and sent me to the hospital, admitted IV fluids 2 bags bolus, IV protonix stat, then IV drip of protonix... felt a 100% after Sat 10th discharged. Tried protein again... same feeling started so called office on Monday they said to stop the protein. More important to get the fluids. since then I did, but the energy has plummeted. This is where I am at now. WOW..can't believe 32 lbs down already though. Kinda scary in a way.  Anyways, that's all for now.

Scary as it was, while sitting in the waiting room, my husband grabbed his head and slouched over, when I asked him if he was ok, he replied, "Shhhhh....and then slumped over some more, he yelled, something is terribly wrong go get help... I went into a panic!" I yelled for staff assistance and they took him to the ER. I was in panic I didn't know what to do, I asked staff if they could help me they said go with him and we will see what we can do. So, I went to the ER. They assessed him and they told me he should be ok and he told me to go get the surgery.  So there I wait, the love of my life in the ER and I am about to go under the knife.  Talk about stress. The staff were wonderful, empathetic and helpful. I then posted a message on facebook, not to air this to everyone but at least tell my family what was happening. And for the 1st time in my life, my family pulled together and I got calls. My prayers were answered. They all said they would come if need be and to go on like my husband said. I went in to surgery alone, crying. saddened and worried. I woke up with him by my side and safe. I thought he was having a stroke the way he acted but ER doc said it was residual from his pneumonia and meds and that it was a bad case of vertigo. And now I am on the recovery side. I will tell more later.But for now we are both ok.

Ok, where to begin.hmmmm.  Lets start with I can't sleep because I am on the liquid diet and I have indigestion sooooo freakin bad it hurts and no matter what I drink it doesn't seem to work.  I just finished my last day of work. I have basically 2 days to go. I will be arriving at the hospital in exactly 2 days at this time (5:38am-computer clock).  I am going to try to get some sleep here in this chair but I need to get that burning out of my throat somehow.  I keep drinking and it doesn't help.  Am I getting nervous? hmmm I'd be lying if I said it's not on my mind. I am like nesting, getting everything ready to go. I am yawning now, I am going to try and get some sleep. Sure hope this burning goes away.  Later all.

Well I just got back from Utica for the pre-admission testing. Had a weight check 5 lbs down. At least I got the 2 that I gained off.  Got some more bloodwork, went over medical history (boy the more I talk about it the more I am like damn!) Anyways, I got my times today too. Liquid Diet starts Friday April 2nd.  I need to arrive at the hospital for 5:45am on April 5th.  Surgery set for 7:45am YAY, won't have to wait until the afternoon!  :-)  I like that!!!!  Just hope the surgical team didn't have too good of a night the night before. NPO after Midnight on the 4th!  WOW, boy time is flying!  Ok. so now the scary part, I got sinus sh#*!!!  My head is killin' me..... HMMMM wonder where this came from... read previous post - gggggrrrrrrrrrrr WTF.  Ok, moving on... at least I have 9 days to nurse myself back to 100%... Keep praying it doesn't get into my lungs.  Hubby only has a head thing now and weak. He's 60% better than he was what was really good.  I guess he's getting excited too.  He went out and bought a new video camera so he can do a video of my journey.   I am also making a scrap book of this life changing event.   It will be interesting.  Went to Olive Garden tonight... funny part was I ate more salad than I did my pasta. :-) And I loved it!!!!  Last meal out before surgery, enjoyed it too!!!  Well, I am going to go get some rest and take some more vitamins.  This is exciting.... I can't even fathom myself below 200 lbs.  Here we go... Any tips on creams that might help tighten skin?  Thanks for listening.

Well, I am angry, frustrated in general with the fact that everyone around me is sick. I know this is selfish of me, but this is suppose to be my time. My journey. My husband has pneumonia and many at work are sick too.  I have explained to everyone how important this surgery is to me and my husband has even taken the extra step to sleep in a separate room to prevent me from getting an illness.  However, one individual thought it was funny that they can cough in my face on purpose when I was attempting to avoid getting sick. HOW DISRESPECTFUL!!!!  I AM VERY UPSET WITH THIS!!!  VERY IMMATURE AND SELFISH OF THAT PERSON!!!  Anyways, now I have a sinus thing going on, chills, achy body, and I am hammering the vitamins to help fight off the germs.  I can not get away from this.  I have 14 days to go.... WTH. Most people would be worried about the surgery, I am most worried about getting sick. I need to let it go, I am frustrated, I have anger and I have resentment towards those that work sick.  I have 10 work days left. I am praying that I can get through this and get well quickly. PLEASE SAY A PRAYER!!!!!  I KNOW I AM PRAYING... PRAYING THAT I WILL BE OK.   Any other time, it doesn't matter to me. A cold is a cold.. but not this time. (sighs) Well, I am going to go take some more vitamins.   Thanks for listening!!!!!!  Any words of encouragement would be most helpful.