Toots45
My weight has always been an issue. Not so much with me but with my father, in the beginning years. From the age of 14, I heard repeatedly how I needed to lose weight and how if I didn't worry about my weight I would be called "Two Ton Tawni". Or the comments "you could have any guy you want, if you lost weight" ... "you have such a pretty face, if you just lost weight" .... I hear those recording in my mind daily over the last 30 years.
The thing is, at 18, I was not fat. Nor was I even overweight. When I graduated from High School I only weighed 155 lbs. I am a large bone frame, and I have found out was not considered obese. I was never really an "active" person, but I did enjoy being out with friends and doing alot of swimming in the summer months. For years after that, I managed my weight within 20 lbs. But then, I really have no idea of when or why I hit 200 lbs. The next thing I knew I was 225 lbs. I tried all the usual diets & fads. I was successful with getting the B12 injections & taking diet pills at the same time. I dropped back down to 175 lbs, that was in 1987.
My emotional ride and weight gain started back up in 1992. I had fallen and injuried my shoulder while on a job. I ended up having surgery and spent 6 months recovering from that. Being inactive, my weight started to creep-up. In 1994, I needed to have bunion surgery. This time, again I was inactive for about 6 weeks. Just as I was being released to return to work part-time, I was fired. The office manager wanted me back full-time and would not settle for me returning part-time. I was devastated. I was also very much in love with a man who had just been thru a heart & double lung transplant. He was not doing well, and ended up passing away. I spent the summer going thru an emotional roller coaster. By Oct of 1997, I managed to get another job. I was now back to 225 lbs. UGH, then I get in a car accident. Lucky to be alive, but off work for about a month ... I put on about 15 lbs. Once I get back to work, I start back trying to lose the weight. I did Weight Watchers with a friend, I did Herbal Life ... I did the cabbage soup diet. Only to lose 20-30 lbs off and on.
In 1999, I start having alot of back pain and by the end of the year, I can hardly eat anything without feeling like I am going to have severe pain in my gut. After seeing 5 doctors, all telling me there was nothing wrong. I tell my primary doctor that I want to see a surgeon and have my gallbladder out. I get the referral. The surgeon explains the risks of removing a "healthy" gallbladder and I told her that was fine, but that I believe there is something wrong and I would like it removed. She has me see another gastrointeralogist, that Friday. He is in a rush, to leave for the weekend and requests that I go have a CAT SCAN of my abdomen. The following Tuesday, both doctors call me (on the phone together) to tell me that they believe I have a tumor in my stomach. HELLO! I said there was something wrong!!!! So after having major 3 hour surgery, it turns out that I had a tumor (benign) on my liver and also that my gallbadder was toxic and completely green slimmy stuff. I was told that had the tumor exploded I would have died due to the toxins. So I am in the hospital for 9 days ... and on another 12 week recovery.
My weight creeps up, and I am depressed. 2003, I am told I have fibromylagia and that is the reason for complete body pain and fatigue. There is no cure. I complain to my primary doctor in 2004 that I can't stand being 275 lbs. She says that I have been thru alot, and it will come off, in time. In August, 2004 ... I realize at 43 ... I am now pregnant. Not to mention, I have now been told I have gestitional diabetes. The weight creeps up to 326 lbs at the time of delivery. I am miserable. I can't believe how huge I am.
2006, at my daughters 1st birthday party .... It hits me. I can no longer tolerate this weight. I can hardly breath when I am walking. I have no energy for anything, I am tired of being on anti-depressants. I am tired of the fibromylagia and I do not want full blown Diabetes. I ask my primary doctor for help. We try diet pills, with only a 7 lbs weight loss in 6 weeks. I am being good, and not eating the junk/sweets. We then try Nutra-systems. I am good on that for a month with NO weight loss.
In August of 2006, I beg my doctor for some other help. She suggested gastric-bypass surgery. I have kept a food journal for a month and since I don't eat alot of food (on normal days) .. she is very supportive and encourages the surgery.
I think its ironic that .... the day of my surgery, my father will be taking me to the Hospital. It will be a total of a 5.5 hour drive for him. But, he is going to be there for me when I go in, and when I come out!
And now my journey begins ..... by the age of 46, May 2007 ..... I am hoping that I will be a NEW me. Someone that is proud of what I look like. Someone that can enjoy life and start doing the things I wouldn't do, because I have allowed my weight to hold me back.
