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Tonight I went shopping with my daughter and bought clothes for my 20 year high school reunion which is next weekend.  I just can't believe the clothes I fit into and yet my mind still thinks that I should be shopping in the plus size department.  I find myself thinking that the sales clerk is probably thinking "why is she over here, her department is over there".  I don't know why I do this and if it will ever go away???  I have always, always, always wanted a pair of Silver brand jeans I tried on a pair of 35's, 34's, and finally bought 33 waist Silver jeans, for the first time that I ever remember my length and waist are the same number - yea!!!!!!!!!!

I just realized that last year at this time I was starting the initial approval process, oh how time flies!  I went back and started to read some of my 1st posts (like I do on occassion) and the feelings come back so easily.  How terrified I was that I wouldn't get approved, that I wouldn't lose weight, that I would forever be starting/stopping a new diet!  I am so happy that I made this decision and although the journey is nowhere near complete, I sure am enjoying the ride! 

Yes that's right, me . . . ME . . . I need a century card, I thought the day would never come and it's here - yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I'd like to thank the academy, the . . . okay but seriously, I am so appreciative to all my friends on OH, and my surgeon, and my family  and friends, I feel like I've won an Oscar!

Today I am feeling better both physically and mentally, I am down another 5 pounds so that makes only three left from surgery gain.  I was able to have a BM today which I think alleviated alot of the pain I was experiencing.  I am having longer stretches of time where I feel better and can be up and about without pain meds, but then I get pooped and have to take something and sit/lie down.  I am going back to work part time on Wednesday this week (office hours only), I hope I feel better and can do it. 

I can't help but feel so down in the dumps today.  I came home 13 pounds heavier from the hospital, I'm sure it's fluid and swelling from the surgery - but ugh! I have lost 5 of the pounds and I'm sure the other 8 will go away as well, but I feel so bloated and yucky.  I want to be out and about doing things and I just am too tired, I keep thinking it's only been since Wednesday that I had surgery, but for some reason I think I should feel better.  I also keep thinking about how terrible my stomach looks (swollen and dimply) and I wonder if I will ever look the same or if my clothes will ever fit again.  I know that these are unrealistic thoughts, but I can't seem to quit having them.  Thank God my husband is so supportive and understanding, he takes such good care of me even though I can be such a pain in the arse some days I'm sure. 

I am finally home from the hospital, I ended up staying longer because I had several adhesions as well as alot of intestines through the hernia that needed to be placed back where they belonged.  The surgery took 5 1/2 hours and I have 5 small holes and one 4 inch one.  I'm so glad it's over and I am home, hopefully I can stay away from hernias/adhesions now :)

I am going to have surgery on Wednesday to repair my hernia (yeah)! It has been bothering me, so it will feel nice to have it fixed.  The surgeon is going to do the fix laproscopically if possible which will be nice, but also will mean no "tightening" of the skin/muscle, but . . . less recovery and he said that it's just not necessary at this time.  Since I have not been able to eat much lately (it hurts too much) I have began losing weight, I'm now at 96 pounds lost and can't wait to hit the 100# mark - very exciting!  I have been busy as well planning for my first sons graduation this weekend, but not being able to lift and not feeling so well has not helped!  Thank God I have so many family and friends willing to step up and help with all the planning and preparation!

I'm going to have surgery sometime soon, my doctor wants me to meet with the surgeon on Monday and "get the ball rolling ASAP".  My hernia is getting worse and hurts and he doesn't want to risk it getting estrangulated.  This is terrible timeing, but it will be nice to just get it over with.  My son is graduating from High School next week so I'm hopeing to get it done early next week or right after graduation.  They will also tighten the skin around it and take some of the "extra" skin while they are at it, which is a good thing :)

A couple of months ago I had a hard knot in the middle of my stomache, right above my belly button, I thought it felt weird and asked my co-workers (L&D nurses) to feel it.  The couple that felt it thought it felt like I was getting muscle from the sit-ups I have been doing and we all had a good laugh about me not ever having muscle there before.  So I kind of forgot about it and then this week I have had a rotten cold and started coughing the last few days.  So yesterday I felt my stomache during coughing and felt this huge (bigger than a grapefruit) hard spot starting at my belly button and rounding up.  It bothered me, so I had the doctor look at it at the hospital where I work and he said that it was definately a large hernia and I would need surgery eventually and to call my surgeon in the morning.  So I called the doctors office today and they said I better come in right away if I went to the ER for it already, well I explained that the ER visit was just me having the doctor look at it because I was worried, not in pain.  So the nurse said that usually my doctor doesn't do anything about hernia's until 2 years out!!  I can't imagine having this for another year and 3 months, it will drive me crazy!  I have my oldest son graduating soon and am happy to put it off for awhile, but I don't think I can wait that long!  So . . . hopefully I can manage to hold out for awhile, but it's already driving me crazy! 

It's is so hard to believe that I am now 8 months post-op!  My weight has been stuck for the last couple of months, I go between 88-92 pounds lost and never seem to be able to get beyond that, but I will just have to muster more patience!  I have been exercising and eating healthy, so there isn't much more I can do but wait.  I have gotten my energy back which is wonderful!  I didn't feel like sleeping 24/7 during my period this month which is a huge change and I even exercised!  So as I reflect on the last 8 months I've been thinking about all the changes that have occurred in my life:

I no longer am frustrated every morning in deciding what to wear

I have collar bones

I am noticed by the opposite sex

I enjoy the conversation, not just the food

I can shop in regular sizes

I'm not so worried about what I look like to other people

I have lost 92 pounds

I have been told by numerous people that my butt is little

I don't need an extender on an airplane

I'm more outgoing

Food does not control me

I do not start a new diet on a weekly basis

I'm happier

I no longer take anti-depressants

I no longer have reflux

I no longer hurt all over

and I'm sure there are more . . . .