Less is More

Sep 07, 2010

I had a revelation in therapy last week. I have struggled to put into words how I feel about the way my size holds me back from living life. When the words finally came together, it was like a light switch had been flipped. What I said was, “I feel like as long as there’s so much more of me, there will be less of me. There isn’t room for me to be myself inside this fat suit. I’m crowded in here and I need to get out.”  

I have accepted that just diet and exercise are not going to be enough. I have accepted that the time has come for drastic, permanent changes to be made. I have accepted that no everyone will support me in this. I have accepted that what I intend to do is very risky. I have accepted that NOT doing it is just as risky. Yes, sometimes people die during or after surgery. It’s a risk. It’s one I’m willing to take, because if I don’t, I’m guaranteed an early death because of my weight. Seems a fair trade – a potential risk for a definite one.  

I am doing what I can. I am arming myself with knowledge and finding ways to connect with people who have been here before. I know I’m not alone. There may be people who think this is vanity – just a desire to be thin.  It’s not. For me, it’s life and death.

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