5 days to go!

Jan 25, 2009

It really hasn't sunk in yet, not 100% that I'll be getting on a plane early Thursday morning, heading to Mexico to pay a doctor around $12000 Canadian, to remove 85% of my stomach.  Apart from that insanity is the fact that if I had one iota of patience I could have it done 100% free here, except maybe pay for the pre op shakes.  Seriously, should I be committed? lol

So day 3 for the liquid diet.  I'll be honest, I've kind of cheated a little.  I have not had a full meal of anything other than liquids, but I used higher fat (but lower carb) soups than I'm supposed to (ran out of the recommended ones that I bought in the U.S. and they don't sell them here ), I had sf/ff chocolate pudding thinking it was ok - whoops, nope, not on the list.  I've also been using 1% instead of skim milk to try and keep the carbs down.  The "real" cheating though?  I've had a couple beef cubes from the stew I made that hubby was having leftovers of all weekend... I bought some cold cuts for after surgery and had 4 today (I was REALLY hungry, after 2 shakes and a cup of jello), and that's about it.  I THINK that's pretty good personally - no full meal cheating.  I'm not perfect, what can I say?  I've justified it by thinking that some docs suggest a high protein/low carb/low fat diet instead of liquid, and I'm basically keeping my cheats within that. 

Yesterday, particularly, I kind of had a massive WTF moment.  Let me be clear, I'm really not at all afraid of the surgery.  I had a breast reduction around 10 years ago and I'm pretty sure the VSG is a walk in the park in comparison pain and recovery wise.  Also, the UPPP (removal of tonsils, uvula and some of my soft palette) was pretty darn painful and has a similar post op diet - and the pain also woke me up at 3am like clockwork when the meds wore off.  I'm expecting (from everything I've read) much smoother sailing for the VSG. 

With that said - my freak out was (of course) about mourning food essentially.  The possibility of hating my favorite foods (mmmm, butter chicken, I love thee), and most of all, missing the quantities of food.  I love to eat!  I love going to a restaurant, ordering an app, main course and dessert, along with some soda, wine and coffee.  No matter what, it's never going to happen again the way it did pre-op.  I know that.  I know logically, from all you nice post ops, that I won't miss it (eventually) and how I'll be satisfied with a taste.   I can't imagine it, and so there's some serious mourning going on.  Because while the logical part of my brain is like - duh, you're never going to get skinny eating out 2-3x per week - my emotional, childish side says - but you'll MISS it!  And I'm not sure that there's any counseling to be had that can fully control emotions relating to the unknown.  Maybe there is, but I'm not really a shrink kinda gal, though like most of us, I probably should visit one.

I do feel better today, after finding a protein shake I just adore, even though so many nice post ops harshed my mellow warning me I'd probably hate it after! LOL (just kidding, I WANT honesty!!)  It doesn't have anything to do with my freak out, but I guess any "good thing" helps.  Though I really DO hope I still love it (or at least like it) after.

BTW - here are my pre op measurements: (all inches though I WISH centimetres!)

Bust 50.75
Chest 44
Waist (or .5 in above belly button, not sure I actually have a waist per se) 50
Hips 49.25
Neck 16.75
Head (around my lower lip) 19
Calf  L 15.75 R 16.5
Thigh L 24.75 R 23.75
Forearm L 10.75 R 10.5
Upper Arm L 13.75 R 14.25

As you can see, I'm not at all symmetrical.  Or my husband SUCKS at measuring me LOL  But I know I'm not symmetrical, though I'd never really noticed before I was measured, as he said "you can tell by looking at your calves" - he's right - once I really looked at them, I saw it.  Not sure how visible it is with the rest of me.  Oh well, I knew I wouldn't come out looking like a mini Barbie doll, much as I wish I would.  I've mostly accepted that and I figure time and plastic surgery will get me the rest of the way to acceptance LOL.

I've had a few people private message me lately, and a few started out (or mentioned somewhere) "I hope you don't mind that I messaged you".  Um HELL no - please, go ahead!  Lots of people have been nice enough to answer my questions, I'm happy to do the same, despite my limited knowledge being a lowly pre-op.  In case you hadn't notice, I kinda like to talk ;)

T :)

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