tysmom

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So I went in for my follow up appointment since the last hospitalization. None of the meds they put me on for the ulcer worked nor did it heal anything! The surgeon walked in and said he was reoperating that day, which was yesterday! I was admitted into the hospital and told they were doing a revisional surgery and that they would have to open me up this time. The surgeon then proceeded to tell me that he would be completely taking out my old stomach and then have to unconnect the intestine from the pouch, cut out the ulcer and then reconnect to the pouch again, which is about a 3-4 hr procedure. There was no other choice but to say OK. So I got in got all ready for the surgery and was wheeled into the operating room, when I was all ready the surgeon had called his assisting doctor and told him his wife went into labor and that we would have to reschedule the surgery. So here I am now, in pain, needing this surgery and I have to wait to get a phone call from the surgeon when it is convienent to him! Arggg.... i love my surgeon and i trust him completely but geez I want to be on my way to recovery instead of sitting here just dealing! 

So I just got home from being in the hosptial for 3 days! I was scoped and found out I have an ulcer and also an infection in my colon track! I am in so much pain but at least I am getting taken care of now, 6 medications later! Ill be better in about 2-3 weeks and Im slowly getting back to home life! This is just a small set back, as I did gain 10 lbs from all the fluid they pumped into me! 

So I do admit that I usually weigh myself every morning. This is not because I am obssesed but because I like to document it and celebrate the pounds coming off. If I hit a stall I do not get down on myself, nor do I turn to food because I am depressed my weight is not coming off faster. I simply say, "well I just need to focus on my protein and fluids!" I have not gotten down on myself once, but stalls are evil. I think 55 lbs (as of weigh in this morning) in 10 weeks is amazing, and I will try my darndest to never complain about the weight that I have lost. I am also down 3 pant sizes and 2 shirt sizes. It is amazing. What I am going to complain about is the loose skin. It is not too bad but it can start to get toned. I am sure if I work at it, it wont be so bad in the long run. People will love me for who I am, not how much I lose, nor my starting weight. Those who are the most important in my life will stay by my side! 

So two days before I hit my 2 month mark from surgery...I stepped on the scale and it read 198!!!!!! I think the last time I weighed 198 was about 4 years ago... I feel like I have accomplished so much in so little time! I finally found a protein drink that I love and I am now taking all my vitamins everyday. I just can not believe that I just passed my first goal....Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, it means so much to me...
Next time I update I hope to be 185-190!

Thanks again

So I am now having the worst day ever! It started out good, but now it is crap. All I want to do is eat until I get myself sick so I can just fall asleep and hope for a better tomorrow! Things just arent going that well and for the first time since surgery I hate the way I look and feel. I shouldnt let the things bother me that are weighing me down but it is so hard not to. Right now for me not to go and grab some sodas and munchies to stuff my face with is really hard to do! I just dont understand things sometimes and I just cant help myself from getting angry. I hate it, I hate myself, and right now Im hating life! I just needed to vent and get my frustrations out because if not I think I would have gone off the deep end and give into all the temptations!!!!!!

Whew! How these past few weeks have flown by. I was doing great the first 2 weeks when it came to eating but now I am struggling more and more everyday. I eat the same things day in and day out. I do not do anything seafood or even cottage cheese. I am finding it hard to go into the kitchen and get something to eat because nothing seems appealing. I was eating eggs fine and loved them but now eating eggs have made me sick to my stomach after the first 2 bites. I am trying to find things to eat but I am having no luck. Hopefully I can get back on track and start feeling better! 35 lbs down and I am amazed!

So I just went and bought my new scale because the old one did not work like it said it was going to. I am down another 10 lbs! I am so freakin excited! I am almost under what my husband weighs...almost! When I do get under him I am going to throw a party!

I have waited so long for this time to come and now that it is here I am more excited than ever. Back when I first started questioning weight loss surgery, it was just a random suggestion to the doctors, after numerous tests showed nothing to be wrong with me, except them all saying " I needed to loss weight"! Well DUH!! I look at myself everyday, I would know if I did or not. When I finally got a doc to send the consult, I was in the process of moving duty stations. Now that I got to the new duty I have received nothing but great care from the surgery staff. It has been less than 3 months since first seeing the surgeon and getting approved. I feel blessed because there are people out there that are fighting tooth and nail to get approved.

I started getting things done around my house a few days ago but ended up getting sick so I needed to take a break and not push myself to exhaustion. Now the day before surgery I was scrambling around trying to throw everything together. Usually the night before surgery no one sleeps because their mind just can not ease. 

Well here it is 2:18 AM and I have to report to the hospital by 5am. No sleep! Its OK my excitement and energy are through the roof. I am just taking my time, thinking through everything, making sure my husband knows what to do, and making sure my son has everything he needs before mommy leaves. I can not wait to get the weight I have been carrying over 5 years now off of me! I know it will take time but I am so ready for the challenge. Well right now I say that but ask me again after I awake from surgery LOL . 

So off to the hospital I go. Ready for a very important "new" man in my life to change my life forever..my surgeon! It will be his orders, his advice, and his caring that will get me to the new person I want to be. Now new person does not mean that Ill lose who I am, but who I look like will be something different! 

May happiness always be looked at from the inside out!

So here's to a new life!

So I woke up not feeling the best about starting this diet, but a few hours later and 2 Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks in me, I actually feel really good...and I do must say that I have drank 4 glasses of water! Now if you know me...I dont drink water AT ALL!! So this is a very big step. I have already been faced with the food deamoned today. My husband has made breakfast and said oh you can have just a little but I stood my ground and said NO! Then he made chocolate Mousse MMMM and I almost took a bite oh my was it hard but I smacked myself and refrained!!! YAY for me! Anyways ill update more as I go along...Im sure Ill be so not myself by the end of the 10 days, but then Ill be having surgery so YAY!!! Im so excited!

I went to my pre op appt yesterday the 19th and the surgeon said everything looked great and I was well prepared for my surgery. He is pretty booked solid so I do have to wait a whole month to get in but I think I will have a little more time to prepare physically and mentally along with helping my family prepare for it. The official surgery date is February 22!!!!!! I am so excited to start my journey. The surgeon wants me to try to lose as much weight as I can before surgery so I have chances of less complications. So I figure I am going to see how much I can lose myself in 30 days. Starting a low caloric diet and exercising everyday might allow me to lose 5-10 lbs. We will see, until then I am so excited to be on my way to a healthier me!