Vanessaandgirls

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Seeing a difference :)
Current mood: hopeful

Well, I must admitt I am starting to see a slight difference but only in pictures.I took some pictures the other night and when I saw what came on the camera I was like WOW my face looks so much thinner! Thank god!! I still don't like how the camera shows my body but at least my face is better! LOL

Everyone is starting to compliment me and tell me that I'm looking better and that they can see a difference in me, but part of me believes it's just because they know I had surgery.

My goals for this week are to make it to the gym 4 times, take a walk each day and then of course to try to eat actual food. Guess I can't live on protein bars and protein shakes forever. Darn it!!

All is well. I go back to the surgeon this coming Friday so we'll see how it goes.

:) Let's hope I lose some more!!

First Fill Done
Current mood: disappointed

First Fill- COMPLETE!!!

=) Well here is my update... I am down 27 lbs! Today I am 4 weeks and 5 days out from my surgery. I am down 13.5 lbs since my surgery. The doctor's office felt because I lost only 4 lbs in the past 2 1/2 weeks that I was due for a fill.  Well, they gave me a Physician's assistant who doesn't have a clue as to what he is doing. He poked around stabbing the huge FILL needle into my stomach while trying to move my port around with his fingers deep into my abdomen. This man caused me so much discomfort, I'm quite upset! Needless to say he put in 2 cc's because they supposedly put in 3 cc's during my surgery which would total me out to 5 cc's. I stayed in the office to drink water to see how the restriction was.. Guess what? It doesn't feel any different then the moment I walked in there. Shocker huh? I stayed in the office to ask a 2nd opinion of a fellow.. I told him I wanted to know EXACTLY which size band I have in me and exactly how many cc's total are filled at the current moment. Without looking for my chart the response I got was "Typically we use the 10 cc band and typically we put in 2-3 cc's during surgery." So I still don't know if this is accurate for ME. Tomorrow I'm calling the surgeon to speak with him directly. I want ANSWERS! So I have 4-5 cc's in my band currently. I'm back on liquids for 2 days, then puree'd foods and then in a week work solids in. We'll see how this goes.

Has anyone else had a fill and not felt any more restriction?

I go back to the surgeon in 2 weeks. We'll see how this goes!

Thank you for following me :)

What a Week!
Current mood: blessed

I'm here to say... OH WHAT A WEEK!

This week I went through the "hormonal drop" post surgery. I don't miss food... I just am sad! It seemed like nothing could make me happy. I've been so sad and so depressed all week it's disgusting. However, there is ONE person in this world who can ALWAYS bring me up. The one and only Love of my life. He knows how to turn my frowns upside down at the hardest moments. He has truly been a blessing in disguise. If it weren't for him, I may have jumped off a bridge this past week!! LOL J/K!!  It was rough, but I made it. 3 weeks out and -25lbs total. I was very upset that I wasn't seeing a difference and 25lbs is 5 ... 5lb bags of SUGAR! LOL I should see some type of difference. So, I took pictures lastnight at 1AM and compared them to my before pics.. and WOW what a difference I saw then. That made me feel soooo much better!! Well, I'm off to bed to get some sleep. This past week was very emotional and draining, but I had my love constantly pulling me back up. He is truly my Sunshine after the Rain....

15 Days Post
Current mood: annoyed

Hello All-

Well here I am... 15 days post... and I have ALOT to say! LOL

So I read the list of foods I can now eat under the "Pureed foods" and decided I would try some. I am able to eat scrambled eggs without a problem! AMEN! I hear eggs are a big problem for many people. On the list is thin sliced Cold cuts such as turkey, ham or chicken breast. So I decided yesterday to try 2 oz turkey breast and 2 oz mashed potatoes. Well let me tell you... I felt over-stuffed and sick for 7 hours lastnight! I couldn't eat ANYTHING else all day. It ruined me. I felt like I needed to throw up but it certainly didn't want to come up! So I decided today to try just slices of turkey for lunch. OH MY MY MY!! A few bites into it I got the WORST pain ever through my chest and was over-salivating. It felt terrible. I immediately threw the turkey in the garbage. No way was that going to go down. I was 4 seconds away from vomitting it up. Cold Cut turkey is a NO GO for me!! So although I'm down 23 lbs since 3/27. I'm down 9 lbs since 5/9 the day of my surgery. The scaled doesn't seem to want to budge now. I think I'll take the kids for a nice long walk tonight.

Tonight I made Chicken Cacciatore for dinner so I took some chicken pieces and sauce and put it through the food processor. I was able to get 3 oz of that down and so far so good! I feel like as long as it's liquid or puree'd I'm okay. Forget the cold cuts and crap though!! That stuff is for the birds!!

Where I am struggling though is.... it's not happening fast enough. I feel disgustingly fat in everything I wear and I feel hopeless. I don't know why I'm feeling depressed and down as the worst is over. I had my surgery... it was a success and now I just have to use this "tool" to my full advantage. However, I feel like I have nothing to wear and feel like I'll never get into some of the clothes that I have here that are only a size or 2 down. Since I can't "excercise" or go to the gym, I think I'm going to go to the gym everyday this week to walk a few miles on the treadmill to see if that helps.

I should feel positive and happy that I'm on my WEIGH down and life is going to be so much better. However, I feel like it's just never going to happen. I want to be able to feel better about myself at the pool in a few weeks and I'd like to be down another 25 lbs by the time my kids go back to school in September. I know it's possible as it's 15 weeks away. I just hope that by then I will feel a change in my clothes and some what of a difference in the mirror or pictures. I'm gonna take some pictures today in front of the door like the doctor said to do. Front, Side & Back. I guess that should help. I'm supposed to make an appointment for my fill for 4 weeks post op which is only another 2 weeks from now. Right now being that I'm only on puree'd foods, I don't know if I'll need a fill or not!>? When was your first fill to those of you who are banded??

Thanks!!

Hopefully more positive next time!

-Losing Hope Vanessa

A whole new life!? New perspective?
Current mood: vibrant

Okay so I'm not even 2 weeks out yet and I feel like my life is changing so much. I feel like I'm in such a better place mentally. I usually couldn't PULL myself out of bed for the life of me every day. I struggled each day just to wake up, get the kids to school and come back and sometimes go back to sleep. Here I am... Getting up before they do, shower and get myself all pretty and then.... waking them up happy! I'm suddenly so much happier then I was. I feel on top of the world. Although I must say this liquid crap is getting old!! Today I'm making homemade chicken soup so the kids can eat it and I can have the broth from it! I feel ready to have mushy foods. Tomorrow I go to the surgeon for my post-op appointment and I'm hoping he's happy with my results and we discuss my first fill etc. I have NO restriction anymore. It's gone so quickly. I went from massive restriction from being swollen and all to now... I feel like I could handle anything. I drink sooo much liquid... and it has no problem going down. I drink just like I used to. I know that's not a good thing.. but.. it goes down.

I'm currently reading the book "Before & After" By: Susan Maria Leach.  It's AMAZING! I haven't read a book in 7 years as I typically hate reading. It's such a good book. The author had Gastric bypass surgery and she basically shares her journal with you. It's so wonderful.

Lastnight, My family got together for a BBQ and it was nice. I absolutely hate the fact of everyone saying "Oh Vanessa, I feel so bad for you, You can't have anything!?" I keep telling them this is only temporary... Then I can have the "RIGHT" foods. I don't mind cooking for others and serving it. I learned to drink my protein shake before I start cooking. This way I'm full. I don't like how people ask so many questions over and over again though. For example.. Lastnight I got these questions-

* Did you do this for you? Or for someone else? (Do you really think one would put themself through being put under and cut open for someone else!!?? REALLY... COME ON NOW! This process was long and full of appointments, do you think I'd do it to make someone else happy?

*How small do you want to get? Don't get anorexic! My Thoughts- Anorexic? NEVER! I will be pleased just to get to a healthy weight!

*Do you regret this surgery at all? Absolutely not!~ In fact, I'd do it all over again. This is the beginning of my NEW happy & healthy life.

*Having this surgery do you feel differently about certain people in your life? The only person the surgery could make you feel different about is YOURSELF. Sure maybe you will have more self esteem and not take other's crap, but C'mon people!!

Lastnight family members made comments because I didn't sit at the dinner table with them while they indulged into this huge manifest of food. Instead I sat down and relaxed with my book reading it and staying focused. So the comments went around like "Oh Vanessa can't come to the table till the food is cleared off it." Give me a break!

It's nuts how people react to you having this surgery. I feel good and I'm happy.. That's all that matters. I'm not going to starve to death and I'm certainly not living on liquids for the rest of my life. I still think to myself... Wow I can't believe the day I waited for is over. It's kinda like your wedding day. It comes and goes so fast! I'm living my life each day for me and my family and can't wait for the future!

Can't wait to see myself in 6, 9, 12 mos from now! After alot of reading, I decided I am taking Surge-versary Pics each month. On the 9th of each Month I will take pics to try to see the difference in myself! I can't wait!! =)

Have a great day to all!

1 Week Post-Op = Amazing
Current mood: bouncy

What an amazing DIFFERENCE! I feel 90% better! Thank god! I even got brave and drove for the first time! I took my daughter to Dunkin D's so I could get a cup of coffee and get her a treat. I feel soooo much better. The port is annoying and I want to pull it out, but I guess I'll adjust to that too! YUCK!

I'm going to try to get some cleaning done now that I'm feeling better. Woooooo hoooooo!

=)

Port Pain? and an Update! :)

Hello Hello! :)

Here I am 6 day post-op and I must say it does get better each day. Thank god! However, I've had more pain and discomfort then normal. (I'm always the odd one! LOL)

My main complaint right now is that I have port pain. I know this is because they stitched it in place, but gosh it bothers me!! I was told I could sleep on either side or my back. For me, I can only sleep half sitting up in a recliner without pain. Otherwise, my port area hurts to the point of making me nauseas. So, I go with what feels "right." I've been eating my 3 oz 3 times per day but it's so weird at 2 other points during the day my stomach gets hungry and growls itself and burns. The nutritionist advised me that if that happens I may need 6 oz of milk to 1 scoop of protein powder in a shake. So I guess we'll try that. I can see that for a while I'm going to be afraid of trying new things. I'm honestly afraid to eat. I'm afraid of the day that comes that I have to start eating real food again. Only because I fear vomitting and I fear that god awful pain that sits in your chest. I've had it from liquid! =) This is all a huge learning experience! I'm so happy that my surgery is complete and I'm on the mend. It seems like forever I was constantly looking up other's pages and reading about everyone's after surgery experiences.

My most exciting moments are:

1- I was just told I can have COFFEE! 1 cup per day if regular, or unlimited decaf! (I only drink 1 cup per day so this thrills me!!!)

2- I have lost 7 lbs since surgery!! 7 lbs in 6 days, I'll take it!! I know this is only because it's the "first week." It's so nice to have a jump start though!! So .... 21 lbs down since the beginning of the journey! I'm feeling really good about this!!

Oh and one last thing.... When you have DD breasts, you NEED a bra. Nobody ever warned me that my highest incision would be up near the bottom of my bra line. Well, if I wear a bra it puts too much pressure down and it makes me feel like I'm constantly going to throw up. So... lucky for others.... (hahahhaha) I'm Free Flowing!! (grrrr!)

Thanks for reading!!

Feeling much better!
Current mood: sleepy

For those of you who haven't had your surgery yet... The first 72 hours are the worst, I promise. I didn't expect to be in as much pain as I was in. Nor did I expect to be down. I thought I would bounce right back like having a baby. The Fellow came to see me in the hospital Saturday morning and when I said to him "Umm pain..." He said... "Yes, you just had MAJOR stomach surgery." I said.. "But I had the band not the bypass." He laughed and said "It's the same incisions, the same pain." That shocked me!!

I know they said that my surgery went 100% perfect, but when I asked my surgeon when he came to visit me in recovery how my liver was... (fear of that fatty liver) he said "very large" I was surprised!! After all the pre-op dieting I didn't expect to hear that. He said it was quite large and they did a liver biopsy, but it's a good thing I had the surgery. He reassured me that I did the right thing for my health.

It's still difficult for me to get up and down out of a chair or the recliner, but that is to be expected. I am moving around slow. I have to say I'm burping alot of the air out, thank god! But.... it hurts to burp! lol

Today is much better then the past couple of days thank god! I'm still quite exhausted though. The pain meds make my head foggy and I don't like the feeling they give me. So let's hope I won't need them much longer.

Well I'm going to go lay down again...

:) Thank you for reading!

-Vanessa

Home from the Hospital
Current mood: sore

Hello All-
My surgery went very well. It ended up being 10:00 AM but we were at the hospital at 6AM for admitting etc. Surgery didn't end up until like 12:00 I think.. by the time I was prepped and all. I will write a blog with all the details in the next couple of days. I was in Recovery at 1:30PM and ended up awake by 2:15PM. I stayed up from 2:15PM until midnight and then went to sleep. They had me up and walking at 10:30PM and then woke me up every 2 hours all night to go to the bathroom, get pain shots, Heprin shots, Blood pressure and vital check etc. My nurse was phenomenal! I was sooo lucky.


I'm home now.. and slept a good portion of the day. I was able to get down my 3 oz of protein shake at 4:30PM and am working on sipping my water. I do have pain and alot of pressure but I know the pressure is gas. It goes up into my chest though. Yesterday I felt like I was having a heart attack. God bless that Morphine Button! I'm trying to stay up for a bit longer then will take my pain pill and go to sleep. They gave me Loratab for pain. The pills are huge. I'm going to cut it in half to get it down. To boot my dear monthly was brought on by surgery. So I can't tell u exactly what the pain is from. My tummy is bloated and I feel like I'm pregnant and just had a baby.

LOL
I follow up with the surgeon in 1-2 weeks. I was told by the fellow that they put 2-3 cc's in my band already. YAY!! I'm afraid of getting sick though and don't look forward to getting on regular foods.

LOL

I'm home, I'm safe... and I'm soon to be sleeping again!
Thank you for all the love and support.


All My Love,
Vanessa NOW ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!
A fellow Bander!