Veena
Long Story Short-er
Jun 16, 2009
I was watching MTV a few months ago, when their popular show True life came on. I watched two people go through an emotional roller coaster after having Bariatric Surgery. I found myself feeling a bit jealous that they were brave enough to even try it and reach their goals, though one of them had some extra skin to take care of, I was/am still wishing I was either one of them.
Memorial Day weekend 2009, I'm getting things ready to go on a small vacation with my boyfriend Alan (he's the one in the photo with me). I was planning some things we could do, one of them being Para-sailing. We both have a fear of heights so I thought it would be a fun & crazy thing to do together. Two people are allowed up at once but you can't exceed the weight limit of 350lbs. *huge unhappy sigh* I really wanted to go up together, so we didn't go at all.
I'd say up until the age of 9, I was thinner but from 10yrs old on I remember always being heavy. I have no idea what its like to be thin. I remember watching girls in high school drooling over themselves in the mirror but I always remember never wanting to be THAT into myself either. Being over weight in high school is a nightmare and I didn't want to be a target. There were a few other students with a weight problem and I remember seeing the hell they went though. That fear made me a bully, if any boy opened his mouth about me, I'd open his lip and that kept the girls from making their harsh comments. Though I know it didn't stop them from talking about me but at least I didn't have to hear it. Facing myself in the mirror was enough.
I've joined gyms and I stop going after a few months, I hate that people stare at me. I want to go to a gym and have a movie montage of me working out like crazy and then poof I'm thin. Which I know will never happen. I've taken over the counter appetite suppressants and I've taken prescribed ones as well. I've tried starving myself and making myself puke...ALL FAILED ATTEMPTS...One thing did work years ago...I lost 80lbs taking Trim Spa with Ephedra... Now that the Ephedra is illegal I've plateaued. I haven't lost weight since and I haven't gained weight either (which is the bright side).
I don't know when I decided it was ok to be heavy, I accepted myself as a fat person. If you don't like me then F*** You!!!. This has been my way of thinking since. I can't say it has worked for me, I know I've passed up doing so many things because of my weight and the constant wonder of what people are thinking when they look at me. I can't say it hasn't worked for me either, I have great supportive friends and an unbelievable boyfriend that loves me for ME (I just recently found that out).
I didn't find that out the easy way either... After watching that show I started to wonder why he was with me. I think I even picked a few fights, hoping he would just leave me, mind you we've been together 2yrs and 5months. So after those bad fights and one horrible one. I popped out and asked him if he was a "Chubby Chaser". The look I got was defiantly one to remember. LOL. He asked me why I asked him that and I said "no reason, just wondering". I found myself looking at him more than I used to. He's Thin, Attractive, Smart, Talented... What the heck is he doing with me?!!
Then I remembered the show and googled Lap Band Surgery. So, before we left for our small vacation, I told him why I had asked him if he was a "Chubby Chaser". He started to laugh and immediately I got angry. He said "I love you for you, fat or thin I just want you to be happy" I felt really bad after that. I do want to be healthier, but health aside...I want to go para-sailing, I want to go on a roller coaster and not worry that I'll be kicked off a ride because the harness won't lock. I want to be able to take a picture and me not take up 75% of the photo. I want to go shopping and wear nice things. I want to stop feeling like fat slop. I want to get on an elevator and not have people look at me like I shouldn't attempt to get in. I just want this worthless feeling to go away.
So here I am...
1 comment
Memorial Day weekend 2009, I'm getting things ready to go on a small vacation with my boyfriend Alan (he's the one in the photo with me). I was planning some things we could do, one of them being Para-sailing. We both have a fear of heights so I thought it would be a fun & crazy thing to do together. Two people are allowed up at once but you can't exceed the weight limit of 350lbs. *huge unhappy sigh* I really wanted to go up together, so we didn't go at all.
I'd say up until the age of 9, I was thinner but from 10yrs old on I remember always being heavy. I have no idea what its like to be thin. I remember watching girls in high school drooling over themselves in the mirror but I always remember never wanting to be THAT into myself either. Being over weight in high school is a nightmare and I didn't want to be a target. There were a few other students with a weight problem and I remember seeing the hell they went though. That fear made me a bully, if any boy opened his mouth about me, I'd open his lip and that kept the girls from making their harsh comments. Though I know it didn't stop them from talking about me but at least I didn't have to hear it. Facing myself in the mirror was enough.
I've joined gyms and I stop going after a few months, I hate that people stare at me. I want to go to a gym and have a movie montage of me working out like crazy and then poof I'm thin. Which I know will never happen. I've taken over the counter appetite suppressants and I've taken prescribed ones as well. I've tried starving myself and making myself puke...ALL FAILED ATTEMPTS...One thing did work years ago...I lost 80lbs taking Trim Spa with Ephedra... Now that the Ephedra is illegal I've plateaued. I haven't lost weight since and I haven't gained weight either (which is the bright side).
I don't know when I decided it was ok to be heavy, I accepted myself as a fat person. If you don't like me then F*** You!!!. This has been my way of thinking since. I can't say it has worked for me, I know I've passed up doing so many things because of my weight and the constant wonder of what people are thinking when they look at me. I can't say it hasn't worked for me either, I have great supportive friends and an unbelievable boyfriend that loves me for ME (I just recently found that out).
I didn't find that out the easy way either... After watching that show I started to wonder why he was with me. I think I even picked a few fights, hoping he would just leave me, mind you we've been together 2yrs and 5months. So after those bad fights and one horrible one. I popped out and asked him if he was a "Chubby Chaser". The look I got was defiantly one to remember. LOL. He asked me why I asked him that and I said "no reason, just wondering". I found myself looking at him more than I used to. He's Thin, Attractive, Smart, Talented... What the heck is he doing with me?!!
Then I remembered the show and googled Lap Band Surgery. So, before we left for our small vacation, I told him why I had asked him if he was a "Chubby Chaser". He started to laugh and immediately I got angry. He said "I love you for you, fat or thin I just want you to be happy" I felt really bad after that. I do want to be healthier, but health aside...I want to go para-sailing, I want to go on a roller coaster and not worry that I'll be kicked off a ride because the harness won't lock. I want to be able to take a picture and me not take up 75% of the photo. I want to go shopping and wear nice things. I want to stop feeling like fat slop. I want to get on an elevator and not have people look at me like I shouldn't attempt to get in. I just want this worthless feeling to go away.
So here I am...
About Me
NJ
Location
31.6
BMI
Surgery
02/10/2010
Surgery Date
Jun 15, 2009
Member Since
