virvin

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Had to go pay the doctor today for the surgery.  At least that part is done.  I've decided to go stay with my sister for a while after I'm discharged. She is going to let my dog stay with me.  She has 4 of her own, so it should be interesting.  They all love to cuddle.

I have my pre-op appointment with the doctor and with the hospital a week from today at 1400 and 1500.  I feel very relaxed right now....and that is odd.  Maybe I've finally realized this is going to happen and I'm doing a good thing.  I'm a slow learner after all.  :)

Well, back to work. 

Where did the time go??  Insurance is approved, surgery is scheduled, just waiting for pre-op appt.  I got the call today and was so nervous/excited I about threw up.  I have to find a way to steady my nerves.  I have to make it 9 more days.  I can do this.

I also started working about about a month ago.  My family helped me for my birthday and I was able to get some time with a personal trainer.  I will see him 3 more times this week and then Mon-Wed of next week...then surgery on Thursday.  I'm trying so hard to lose weight prior to the surgery...I'm still not having any luck.  Sigh.  Guess that's why I am doing this.

I wrote to all my family and friends finally today to tell them what I was doing.  I was afraid of some judgemental replies, but so far they have been supportive. 

Ok, so writing is suppose to help the brain.  I hope it can help me calm down.  I'm not even CLOSE to my surgery date yet and I'm already nervous.  My doctor and the books I've been reading said that doing this is like losing a friend.  I never understood what that meant...until the other day.  I went grocery shopping and almost had a meltdown.  I was looking at food as though I was losing it for life.  Well, I suppose some food I am.  I got all upset an almost started crying.  41 and wanting to cry over food.  Sigh.

Well, I made it through that.  I bought a delicious looking piece of cake; marble cake with strawberry whipped frosting.  I was so excited.  I was like...well, better enjoy it now...won't be able to later.  Well, I took one bite and realized it didn't taste very good.  Apparently my body is more prepared than my brain is.  I've also noticed I'm eating smaller portions, stopped caffeine, trying to stop sodas now.  There are a few things I have to work on:  taking my time while eating and not drinking while eating.  I usually don't have much time for lunch so I inhale my food.  Then I realized that drinking (even just water) while eating is such a habit.  Tonight I went dinner without drinking my water.  It was actually painful.  Ugh.

Ok, so things on here seem pretty negative.  I still believe I have made the right decision.  My knees are crapping out on me as well as my ankles.  I have to do this for me...otherwise I could end up in a wheelchair before I'm 50.  So...onward.