Worried

Aug 11, 2009

It's so hard to start up new things. School starts back this Friday and every time I read an email about it or talk to someone from school this adrenalin races up my spine and I just want to crawl onto the couch with some ice cream. The reality is not as bad as what I fear, but it's hard that I can feel so against my job right now. Once it gets going I'll get back into the groove and it will be okay, but right now it feels like I'm about to have to climb a huge mountain.

I know I'm going to have to be really careful when school starts not to use food to numb myself. I keep getting the updated class rosters and they have color-coded the kids behavior. Red if they're horrible, yellow = okay, green = good, and blue= great. So of course my class is covered in red and yellows. It's so frustrating,. I've stopped looking at the list so I won't prejudge any of the kids and it's freaking me out!!!! Just had to get that out. It's toxic when it stays inside me.

My weight loss appears to be slowing too so that doesn't help. Oh well. All I can do is keep moving forward.

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