Barbara M.

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It has been awhile again.  I am not very good at this posting business, but I thought I should try and keep it up to date.

I took the job I talked about at United Health Care - and it was horrible.  Without going into a lot of detail, the training lasted 12 weeks and was very inadequate.  When we actually went on the job, I felt so poorly prepared to deal with the customers.  The pay was decent, and that is the reason I took the job over the other job offers I had.

Another job offer I received was from a promotional supply company.  The HR person said if I ever needed a job to call them.  So, after 4 months of hell at UHC, I called her and asked if anything was available and she said YES!  To make a long story short, I have been there for three weeks, and I like it very much so far.  My non-compete contract with Harrah's expired, but I decided that I do not want to go back into the casino industry until and if something fabulous comes up at one of the local casinos.

I have regained about 10-12 lbs., so I joined WW online to try to get ahold of things.  I had four really good days last week and 3 not so good days, but I lost 3 lbs.  I will plug along, because my clothes are too tight and I DO NOT want to regain this weight.  I can see how it could happen.  If I can maintain at around 155-160 I will be delighted.  Right now I am 173.  I will keep this updated.

Terry's brother did succumb to the cancer in January of 2007, on his birthday.  It was very, very sad.  The family had done very well, I think, and I think Terry has handled it better than I could have expected.  

Rosie is groovy.  We had a family reunion in February, celebrating Fred's 45th wedding anniversary, Nancy's 40th wedding anniversary, and Marilyn's 70th birthday.  It was a wonderful event.  If I can get some photos uploaded I will post a couple.

I can't complain.  I want to get the weight off, but I think I can do it.  I like the new job so far, and the IRS hasn't come to get me for the taxes I owe for this year (hey-at least I filed, and the amount isn't as much as the rebate I am supposed to get!  LOL)

It has been a long time since I was here.  I just read the last post, where my job allowed me to meet a musician I have always admired.  I was fired from that job on December 14, right before Christmas.  I had an altercation with a co-worker, and I was the low man on the totem pole, so she just got a documented coaching and I got termed.  It has been a huge blow for me because I really loved my job, and I was very good at it.  I had been with the company for 10 years, but only in that department/job for 10 months.

So the last month has been a blur of online applications and interviews.  I got a position I am not really excited about, but decided a bird in the hand...I don't start that job until 1/21, however, so if one of the other jobs that I think I have a good chance for comes through, I will take that instead.

Financially, I will be OK, but not great.  My job was fun, hard work, exciting, and paid well.  I also signed a non-compete contract when I took the job, so I can't work in the industry for 6 months.  I don't know if I will even want to go back when that time comes.

I miss my job, my friends, a structured life.  I know that so many people have it worse than I do, so I try to not whine too much.  But, just when the rest of my life seemed to be going well, the bottom drops out.

I will try to update more frequently.  Hopefully next time I will have a good job...

Last night my company sponsored a Kenny Loggins concert.  I have always loved him - first saw him in 1986 in the pouring rain at an outdoor theater here in St. Louis.  I had to work the Meet and Greet tent after the concert, where VIPS got to meet him and have their photo taken with him.  Usually we stay in the background and let the VIPS at the artist.  I was standing by the door when he entered, I was the first one to say welcome to him, and he kissed my hand and gave me the look I have just started to learn to accept - you know - the one of appreciation that men give nice-looking women.  I think about how it might have been had I been my former self - I don't know - but I felt beautiful and wonderful.

Anyway, a little later, my boss told me to get in line and get my picture taken with him and I was delighted!  When it was my turn, I told him I have been a fan for 20 years and reminded him of that concert at the Muny, in the rain, 20 years ago.  He was so gracious, and now I will have a picture to remember that by.

I am not really a "star gazer". but this guy brought back many memories of my youth, and it was a night to remember.

Goodnight everybody!

...and  Happy New Year!

Well, things are looking up a bit.  I started taking Effexor twice a day for my depression in place of the Cymbalta two weeks ago.  I think I am doing better, but will talk to the doc about upping it to 3X a day.  It has changed my outlook a bit, but there are still some issues I muddle with daily.  Overall, though, I am encouraged.

Only a couple of weeks left on grave shift and I am very relieved.  I want to get back to a real life...

Posted some more photos, including my 10-month photo.  I am starting to get used to the new me, finally.  Margaret came to visit and she said she couldn't get used to my voice coming out of this body.  Funny.

Have hit 160, but am NOT making good food choices.  Am waiting for the holiday madness to recede to get back on track.  Starting exercise as well.  It's all good.

It's been a wonderful year...and a mess.  Overall I can't complain.

Love, Me.

 I used to sing with a group that did an annual Christmas concert, and I have known the director very well since about 1984.  I had not seen him for a little over a year (long before my surgery.)  Yesterday I went to their annual concert.  I was standing in the back waiting to go in, and my friend, the director, walked past me, looking me in the eye the entire time, and just smiling politely.  I smiled back.  He got about 10 feet past me, stopped DEAD in his tracks and said "Oh, my God!  Barb?"  He really did not know me!  I was astonished, because, as with many of you, I am sure, my head has not caught up with my new body.  After the concert at the reception, all my friends who I had sung with for years either looked at my quizzically and walked past, or stopped in disbelief.  One guy I had known for 10 years and had traveled to England with asked the friend I was with WHO I WAS!!!!!!!

I think that has been my biggest WOW since surgery.  No, I take that back.  The biggest WOW is that I no longer take any insulin for my once out of control diabetes, I have not had congestive heart failure in over a year, my cholesterol is 120, and my blood pressure is normal.  Now, THERE's a real WOW!!!

Still battling the depression, and my BIL, who some of you may remember is close to dying of colon cancer, is not doing well.  But my DBF wanted to put up the tree yesterday, so he is trying to make the best of the holidays, so the least I can do is be right there with him.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

WEIGHT LOSS BY MONTH

March 1, 2006 233
April 5, 2006 200 -33
May 5, 2006 195 -5
May 29, 2006 185 -10
June 30, 2006 180 -5
July 31, 2006 168 -12
August 31, 2006 165 -3
Sept. 30, 2006 162 -3
November 1, 2006  162 -0
December 1, 2006  162 -0

I was so glad I found my old profile so I could put this chart back in!

There has been so much going on that I really haven't felt like updating much.  Terry's brother Alan has colon cancer.  He was diagnosed a little over a year ago, and did pretty well with chemo for over a year.  But he is now going downhill fast and it looks very grim.  Terry is so closed with his feelings that I don't know what to do or say for him.  I have gotten close to Alan this last year and it is so tragic to see what is happening to him.  The holidays this year will be very somber.  Thanksgiving was very small, with two of his sisters and their families unable to come.  I think everyone will be there for Christmas.  I pray he lasts that long.  It is looking very bad.

The depression is getting so much worse.  All I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch TV.  Work is really hard right now.  I am not getting along very well with some pretty difficult  co-workers.  I have an appt. next Monday with my PCP to talk about changing my  depression meds.  Cymbalta is time-released and I don't think it is doing the job anymore.

My eating is not under control right now either.  I graze quite a bit.  I know what I need to do to lose these last 10-15 lbs. but I just need to kick myself in the butt and do it.  As you will see by the chart, I did not lose anything last month.

Thanks for listening to me vent.  It will get better.  I will get on a better shift so I can go to support group, and try to get on some meds that will work.  All I can do is support Terry and pray for Alan and the family.

I knew I wasn't crazy about this new format and now I KNOW I am not because I lost the weight loss chart from Day 1 that I only had a copy of here.  I am so bummed out!  I should have made a copy, but I was sure that when my profile was converted it would make it over (someone did it for me).  I can't find it anywhere...

Things are going OK.  I weigh in at 160 and I really need to lose about 10 lbs.  5 more lbs. and I will no longer be overweight.  Wow!  That is really unbelievable!  I can eat a lot more than I could before, and I really need to be more careful.  For the most part I eat as I should, but I need to begin walking and making sure I get in my protein and water each day.  Vitamins and supplements aren't an issue - I take them religiously and my labs have been good except having to add zinc this last time.

I added a photo of my friend Cary and me at Graceland.  Cary has always been a little critical, in her own way, of heavy people.  It was very nice to see that I actually look a little smaller than she does in the photo - although she was quick to point out that I was standing at an angle and she was standing full front - LOL,

Well, that's it for now.  It's Sunday and we are relaxing.  Later!

Many, many thanks to ProteinPrincess for updating and converting my profile!  While I am not crazy about the new format, I guess we have to keep up with the changin' times!

Thanks again!

October 17, 2006

Only have a quick minute, but wanted to post a photo of my brother Neill and me at the family reunion this past weekend. Everyone was floored with the new me and it was a lot of fun. I will post family photos when we get them back. Bye for now!

October 3, 2006

Well, things are fairly status quo. Work is getting a little bit difficult to deal with - the people, not the job itself. I only have three more months on this shift, and then I will never willingly choose this shift as long as Tony and Kathleen stay on it (yes, I am naming names.) They are the rudest, most negative people I have ever encountered, and it is hard to keep a positive attitude, especially doing graveyard work, while you have two people bad-mouthing everyone and everything. I had put in for a Supervisor position in another department, and things had looked really good, but I found out Friday I did not get the position. I was very disappointed. It is hard to be 50 and try to find something new, but at least I have a new-found confidence about my appearance, and that does help.

I am feeling pretty good, despite some sleep deprivation. It is time for bloodwork, so we will see what the real story is. Have been stuck at about the same weight for two months or so, but I honestly have to admit I haven't been trying very hard. Been doing well this past week, though, and I hope to have the last 12-15 lbs. off by Christmas. It is very weird to only have 12-15 lbs. to lose instead of 80-90. It is a GOOD weird...

Well, it is time to hit the hay before work tonight. Rosie and Terry are groovy. More later!