GOOOAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

Jul 14, 2008

 

 

 

 

Now I get to post before and after pics!

Oh yeah, baby.

 

 

 

It took 9 months, and a hellish start, but here I am, 148 pounds lighter, and at goal. I now weigh 175 pounds, and I'm still losing. It happened so fast. I can't believe how fast the time flew. It's been ages since I've even been on this site. I hadn't realized how long.

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Two Major Milestones Reached!

Feb 20, 2008

 

 

This week has been a major week for WLS milestones. First, I have officially lost 100 pounds. I lost about 15 pounds prior to the surgery. I'm counting from the day I had my first consultation at the Weight Center. Then I've lost about 88 pounds since the surgery. Wow, it's unbelievable! I'm literally melting away. It's really hard to believe that weight can come off so fast and so easily. I've always suffered so much through weight loss before, and this has been so easy. I just never think about food. I literally have to remind myself to eat. Amazing. And being so tall and large-framed as I am, I'm already getting bony, even though I still have a fair amount of weight left to lose. I'm actually getting a bony ass. I have this band of muscle there, and then the rest is bones. They're not protruding or anything (unless I'm laying on my side), but they're definitely palpable, and when I sit, it's just bone on chair. Weird. When I was younger, even much thinner than this, I had much more cushion down there. One of the joys of being older I guess. Not so much youthful padding in the girly places. I'm not surprised that my pelvic area is getting bony the fastest. I'm very big boned there. Built for breeding I guess, LOL, though I never did. I have big hips!

The other major milestone I reached this week is that my BMI is now 29.9, which means that I am no longer clinically obese! Woohoo!!!!! Now I'm just one of the common overweight folks, just like the rest of America. I no longer stand out in the crowd. It feels good to be 'normal', though I hate to use that term. I don't think obese people are abnormal, but I think the rest of society sees us that way, which  quite honestly, I resent. I could go off on a rant here, but I won't. I'm going to keep this post positive! So I met and checked off one of my major goals of no longer being obese. That feels good. It's been a very long time since I've been there.

Next up: Reaching Onederland! I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been in that magical land. I'm guessing about 13 years.

It's so nice to not have such a struggle. The surgeon said that one of the things that surgery does is help take away the struggle. He wasn't kidding! I guess for me a lot of the struggle was physiological, and maybe habitual, because emotionally, I'm handling it fine. I'm not finding  a need to turn to food for comfort. I'm really not missing that stuff at all. My new favorite food? Beef jerky! Can't get enough. And since I struggle to get in enough protein, that's probably a good thing.

Cheers for now,
Tracey


The Long Haul

Jan 04, 2008

Well, after a long recuperation, I'm doing much better. I'm down over 70 pounds since the surgery and feeling much better. I still have lung issues, but they are slowly healing. I'm still weak and tired but getting stronger every day and starting to enjoy life again. It took a while to get to that point, but I'm there now, especially when I slide into much smaller jeans and clothes. Then it really feels worth it.

For a long time I had terrible nausea and disgust for all food and drink but that has passed now. I get queasy after eating, but I guess that's part of the process and keeps me from overeating. Protein makes me the most queasy, so it's still hard to get my requirements in, but I'm trying, and there are some things that are easier to eat than others. I definitely have my cravings. I'd kill for citrus fruit, and eat a lot of it, plus salty foods, like pickles and olives. And I enjoy my veggies a lot. I've really had no desire for my old downfalls, the sweets that I used to down by the metric ton: ice cream, cheesecake, etc. In fact, I really don't enjoy them much anymore and have a bit of an aversion to them.

Much of the old aches and pains are gone now, and all the old huffing and puffing that made me feel so sick. I feel like a normal person and can go out in public without feeling like I'm being looked at and made fun of. I hated that. I can fit in chairs! I can almost cross my legs comfortably. It's nice. You know what's nicest of all? I don't spend all my time thinking about food! I just don't think about it that much, and I enjoy it more when I do eat. I appreciate my food more, because I get less of it. It makes me more thoughtful about what I do eat. Life is a whole new experience. It's pretty cool.


Complications, More Complications, Illness, And Weight Loss

Nov 09, 2007

After kidney stones and the subsequent complications from that, things went from bad to worse. I got the one thing that you absolutely DO NOT want to get after surgery. I got blood clots in my lungs. Not just one, but a whole bunch of them in both lungs, including a real big one in my right lung. I nearly died. Somehow I managed to survive that. Spent a little over a week in the hospital with that one. Now I'm on blood thinners for an indeterminate amount of time. Was discharged from the hospital. I was home a few days after that and started having trouble breathing again! ANOTHER ambulance ride to the hospital (my 5th) and subsequent emergency room visit revealed that I now had a massive pleural effusion (buildup of fluid in the sac around the lung) and pneumonia. So I spent another week in the hospital (including my Birthday), got a chest-tube, and almost died again.

Now I'm out of the hospital. My lungs are doing better, but I can hardly eat or drink. I've lost 48 pounds since my surgery (way too fast!), and am so weak I can barely stand. The surgery itself went well, but all the complications I've had since, all technically unrelated, have left me sick, weak, and regretting the whole thing. I'm hoping that eventually I'll be recovered enough that I won't be so regretful, but right now I'm still just too sick to be happy about all this. Yeah, I've lost a boatload of weigh, but I didn't expect to be so sick that I couldn't get out of bed 2 months after surgery, with no end in sight.

I can barely stand to look at food or drink. Even water disgusts me. I'm just struggling right now to get anything in. I sure hope this gets better. I don't think this has so much to do with the surgery itself as it does with the complications. Prior to getting so sick I was doing well with getting my nutrients in and eating fine. Then I got sick and it all went to hell. I guess recovering from nearly dying a couple of times is just going to take a lot of time, and I'm very frustrated by it, and wasting away in the meantime. I guess I'm not young anymore, and I've never been so close to death before. I'm used to bouncing back after illness, not having it drag on and on. I thought I would see noticeable improvement after coming home from the hospital, but I'm really not much better now than I was when I came home, at least in terms of strength. My lungs are better, but I think I've gone downhill in terms of my strength and hydration, etc. I feel like I'm just fading away. I've lost more than a pound a day since I got home.

I'm also getting very depressed because of all this. It's wearing on me. I understand that some depression is normal after surgery, but I think with all I've been through I'm going through a bit more than the normal post-op patient. It's not so much about the usual saying goodbye to the food crutch as 'am I ever going to get better or am I going to be sick forever?' That's a scary idea, and a real possibility. I was told in the hospital that all this might be the result of lupus, RA, or MS, which means that this might be the beginning of a lifetime of illness. I'm not ready to deal with that. I've been ill before, but not on this scale. This is a whole new level of sick. I'm terrified.

So that's my happy tale. Hope that future entries are happier. At least my weight loss ticker is impressive to look at!

Tracey


First Weigh-In and Complications

Oct 04, 2007

I'm going to keep this entry brief because I'm not feeling well.

I had my first weigh-in, a week-and-a-half after surgery, and I've lost 14 pounds!  Not bad, I'd say. I'm pretty pleased. It puts me back in Twoterville, which is nice. I'll weigh in again on my next appointment on 10/15, which is just about 2 weeks away. My diet has been advanced and I'm on soft proteins now, for which I'm grateful. I was getting really tired of all those sweet beverages.

As for the complications, I've been sick a lot. It hasn't been surgery-related, but I've been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 weeks with kidney stones and related problems. I even had to have another surgery a week after my bypass because of it. Had 2 trips by ambulance to the emergency room because of excruciating pain. It's been a nightmare. Hopefully it will clear up and I can feel well enough soon to start getting on my feet and start doing what I'm supposed to be doing post bypass. I've been too sick to be walking or anything.

So the weight loss has been nice,but I"ve been too sick to enjoy it much. Hopefully I'll be back on my feet soon.


Post-Op Day 6

Sep 25, 2007

Well, after lots of postponements and disappointments, I'm finally on the other side. My surgery was 6 days ago. I've been home from the hospital for 3 days and I'm feeling pretty good. Aside from the normal post-op pain, my biggest concern is nighttime reflux, which has been a bit distressing. But compared to what can happen, I'm happy.

I'm off pain meds, which is great. I take an occasional Tylenol, but that's it. After overusing the morphine in the hospital, it feels good to be drug-free. I didn't overdose, but over-sedated myself and I just didn't like how it felt. I had an episode when I didn't use the morphine enough and had severe pain that they had to give me a heavy dose to get under control. I was so afraid of having that happen again that I kept dosing myself with the morphine whether I needed it or not and ended up really over-dosed, but not overdosed. I was just way too stoned and really hated how it made me feel, and I'm glad it's all out of my system now.

I felt truly like crap for a few days. You don't think about that before the surgery, and that's probably a good thing. There's pain, and at the time you think you can't bear it, but you really can, and you do, and it's over before you know it. Part of the problem is that in the first few days after surgery time seems to slow down so it seems like you're going to be in pain forever. An hour feels like a week so it all feels like it's never going to end. But now that I'm a few days past it, it seems like it went by really fast. It's just a perceptual thing brought on by the anesthesia and pain meds. It's disorienting. I just kept telling myself that tomorrow would be better, and it was true. Each day I felt better than the day before, and now 6 days out, I feel pretty good! Amazing.

I have to say that the care at the hospital was astounding. They were wonderful! I never expected to receive that level of care at a huge city hospital. I expected overworked, understaffed, stressed out nurses who were skilled but just didn't have the time to attend to everyone's needs. What I got was nurses who came the minute you called and spent as much time with you as you needed, and more if they could. They were cheerful and friendly and genuinely cared for their patients. I expect that the patient/nurse ratio is very low, so that the nurses can spend a lot of time actually CARING for them. I have friends who have had their surgeries at other hospitals, and they either felt abused by the staff or abandoned by them. I can't speak highly enough about the staff where I was.

So here I am, doing my diet, sipping Crystal Lite by the gallon, resting, taking short walks, recuperating. I have my 1st weigh-in next Monday. I won't weigh myself until then. Hopefully I'll do well.

Cheers!



Postponed AGAIN!!!!!

Aug 09, 2007

I can't believe this. I got a call yesterday from the Weight Center
and they have postponed my surgery again. This is the 2nd time. I'm so
frustrated I want to scream! One of my friends on this website with the same surgeon had her surgery last  week, and she's never been postponed, and I've been put off twice. What is the deal with this?????

I can understand the whole trial thing. I wasn't happy about it, but I
can at least understand it. But she swore to me that the new date was
solid, then she calls me yesterday and tells me that Dr. Ferguson
won't be available and has to put me off 2 more weeks.

I'm so upset right now I just feel like this whole thing just isn't
meant to be and walking away from it.

I really expected better from a facility like MGH. If I had know I was
going to be jerked around so much I would have gone somewhere else.
She even told me that she couldn't promise that I wouldn't be
postponed again. I'm just about ready to give up.


Walking Across America

Aug 07, 2007




Yes, I'm going to walk across America. On my computer, anyway. With the help of this cool website that I found, you can track your miles, whether walking, running, or cycling, and log them into their site and it will map them on a virtual route across America, 4063 miles. It even shows you pictures of the towns you're passing through. It's pretty cool. So far I haven't actually gone anywhere. I'm standing around in Yorktown, VA (the starting point), thanks to a 2-week migraine that has me in bed and on lots of drugs. But as soon as the pain subsides, I'll be starting my trek across the lovely state of Virginia.

I don't know how long it will take me to walk 4000+ miles. I expect it will take quite a while. Right now I get winded going once around the block. Hopefully after surgery the miles will rack up a little faster. Now I can't imagine turning in more than a mile a week. Surgery is now less than a month away. I'd like to say that I can do it in a year, but I don't know. I'm going to make that my goal. I think I can do that. Wish me luck. I've got a long road ahead of me!

http://exercise.lbl.gov/index.html




Before Pics

Aug 01, 2007

Well, I took my official 'Before' pics this past weekend. Boy was that an eye-opener. If I ever had any doubts about having surgery, doing that erased every one of them.

It's not that I didn't know I was fat. At over 300 pounds, it's a hard fact to avoid. But when I dress in the morning, do my hair, I look to see if there's anything out of place, make sure that I don't look absolutely horrible, and that's about it. I've worked very hard in recent years to like myself. I used to look in the mirror, even when I had a great body, and hate what I saw. Ironically, when I was very thin, I thought I was obese.  I thought I was monstrous. If I had known then that I would eventually become obese, I would have appreciated it more. In my quest to become more sane, I've worked extremely hard at liking myself, inside and out, and have learned to accept what I see in the mirror. It wasn't until my weight began to affect my health that I decided to have WLS.

So donning skivvies (for my own personal reference pictures) and a swimsuit (for the pictures that I will post online and show others) and allowing a friend to photograph me in all my glory was a jarring experience. What you see in the mirror is never the same as what you see in photographs. And having someone photograph you from across the room, and from the side and back, gives you views that you just can't get on your own in front of the looking glass.

My feelings upon viewing these pictures were grim. I was looking at a young, vibrant woman trapped in a sick body. That person wasn't me.

I feel so relieved that I'm doing something to take back my life and give myself a chance at health. I want my youth back. I'm too young to be so old.

My Surgeon On Trial

Jul 20, 2007

It's been all over the news here. It's on ESPN, Sports Illustrated, the National News: Charlie Weis, former assistant coach of the New England Patriots, current coach of Notre Dame, is suing the surgeon who performed his gastric bypass. That surgeon, Charles Ferguson, happens to be the surgeon who will be performing my surgery in a little over 6 weeks.

The surgery was performed at Mass General here in Boston where I live, so the news coverage here has been more intense than elsewhere. Then again, I have a pretty vested interest in the story. If you believe the news coverage, this fiendish butcher, wielding a stapler that he bought for a $1.99 from Office Depot, hacked poor Charlie's insides to pieces, then went vacationing on the Vineyard, leaving Weis to bleed to death in the hands of uncaring doctors who don't know their asses from a hole in the ground.

None of the media remember to mention the part where Weis wanted next-day surgery. Because of his status, it seems that he was allowed to bypass (pun intended) all of the required preliminary testing and dieting and counseling and waiting that us regular folk are subjected to. I first requested my PCP for a referral in December, 2006. My surgery is scheduled for September, 2007 (rescheduled from August to September thanks to Mr. Weis' lawsuit, thanks Charlie). That's a waiting time of 10 months. That's pretty average. And I'm fortunate enough to not have insurance hassles. Some people wait a lot longer.

I also expect to have to sign a lot of waivers explaining that internal bleeding is a possible complication of gastrointestinal surgery, as are respiratory problems, complications from anesthesia, death, etc., all possible risks of surgery.

I read in several of the news articles that Mr. Weis is quoted as calling himself a stupid ass, or words to that effect, because he had weight loss surgery. He's not a stupid ass for having weight loss surgery. He's a stupid ass for thinking that WLS is a risk-free, easy and fast fix to a complicated problem. If he had done any research into surgery as a reasonable solution for his problem, he would have known that there is a statistical chance of risk, which increases pretty significantly with every comorbidity. The sicker you are going in, the likelier you are have problems coming out. One person in every 500 or so is going to have a problem. He drew that short straw. Bad luck. Get over it. He survived. Some don't.

I feel bad that Mr. Weis got sick, as I would feel bad for anyone else who got sick. It's a known complication of the surgery. I don't believe the surgeons were negligent. Maybe if Charlie had had to wait 10 months for surgery and go through the same preoperative program that I, and all the other patients have to go through, things might have turned out very differently for him. I think the only mistake the doctors made was in accepting him as a patient in the first place.


About Me
Waltham, MA
Location
18.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
09/19/2007
Surgery Date
Feb 13, 2007
Member Since

Friends 5

Latest Blog 14
Two Major Milestones Reached!
The Long Haul
Complications, More Complications, Illness, And Weight Loss
First Weigh-In and Complications
Post-Op Day 6
Postponed AGAIN!!!!!
Walking Across America
Before Pics
My Surgeon On Trial

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