Question:
Why do folks lie? doctors too
Just looking for some input....being about a year and 7 months post op, I have lost about 160 lbs I'm 5'3 wearing a size 6. I am currently weighing about 142-144 and still losing (slowly). Just saw my Dr. last week she tells me I should stop trying to lose at about 140, she says I dont need to lose any more but of course I feel differently I know it takes a long time for the head to catch up with the body, but I still feel big. My family and friends keep telling me Im getting to little, and I of course think they are all lying its a constant battle with them. I keep telling them that they feel that way because I am small compared to what I was..but to folks seeing me for the first time, they probably are thinking "she would be cute if she lost some weight" I am thrilled with the loss but feel Im not done yet..so to sum the story up..I have been having some stomach problems and went for a MRI last week after my scan with the Dr/Tech I see a copy of my report laying on the counter and the write up on me..appearance/condition of patient etc... Well... they wrote me up as being overweight..I just about died!!!! Needless to say..I get home and chew out my husband and friends for lying to me, well my husband couldnt believe they wrote that..Why do people have to lie about this.. Not really looking for answers here I just wanted some input and some venting time :)..so what do you all think about this? Thanks for listening..Debra — Debra J. (posted on June 24, 2004)
June 23, 2004
I am still considered overweight and always will be. Just the size and
density of my lower body bones is added weight. My knee bones are huge
from carrying an extra 250 lbs most of my life. I'm a 28.3 BMI and have no
desire to reach 24.9 just to be in a normal range. Overweight to me is
what I choose to make it, not some number in a book. If you are honest,
how could you say that someone who wears a size 6 is overweight?
Regardless of what the scale says you have more than reached a normal size.
I consider a 12-14 a normal size. I would focus way less on the numbers
and enjoy your new healthy body and life. Your body image is your
perception. Everyone sees things differently, so don't assume they are
lying.
— zoedogcbr
June 23, 2004
Debra,
I'm 5'2". A little over a year out from surgery. I've gone from
282 to 159 lbs. That's 123lbs gone forever. I've been losing very slowly
for the last couple of months. I am so happy with the success I've had
with this surgery. You have done wonderfully. You should be proud of
yourself instead of beating yourself up over what the Drs. chart said. The
medical chart they use for weight is different than what we think. Yes,
their charts still say I am overweight but, 1st, overweight sure as hell
beats being Morbidly obese any day, 2nd, I'm wearing a size 12 now. from a
30, THAT is success. I'm happy, i'm enjoying life, and THAT is success
too. Go out. Enjoy your life. Please don't sit around complaining.
You've done a wonderful job. Go and live your life now, don't spend more
time watching it go by. And to your family, you look mahhhhvalus, enjoy
the compliments. Good luck to you!!!!
— KellyJeanB
June 23, 2004
They probably are using insurance charts that say you should weigh 115 if
your 5'3. I'm 5'2 and weigh about 126 and wear a size 4 and I can tell you
that people tell me ALL the time how little I am. I also have a hard time
believing it. If your a size 6, you are small. Don't worry about what
they wrote on the chart. Go by what your doctor says and what you feel
comfortable at. Those charts are TOTALLY outdated and I don't know why
they even use them anymore!!!
— Patty H.
June 23, 2004
Debra
I kow how you feel I was the same way the dr never said nothing but ppl all
around me was teling m dont lose any more you look great if you lose any
more you will be to small it was getting to the point it was making me mad
I kow the ppl meat well and was not jellious or nothing but I just got
tired of hearing it till one day I had my bf take a pic of me in a outfit I
like allot then I seen what they saw and how slim and good I did look but
b-4 the pic I did not blieve it I thought I looked like I need to lose more
I started out at 260 and I am 5'3 now I am down to 139 I go up and down a
lil between 136 and 139 I am almost 15mts out I just got approved for a TT
hernia repair but have someone take a pic of you in a outfit you like then
see what you look like
Take Care Huggs
Beth
— wildbrat
June 24, 2004
As a previous poster said, they're probably basing it on the MetLife
charts. If my calculations are correct, based on a weight of 142 at
5'3", your BMI is about 25.15. Under 25 is considered
"normal" weight, over 25 is considered "overweight."
I'm in the same place, but don't go by what anyone else says, go by where
YOU feel comfortable. You've done great, enjoy the new you!
— Leslie F.
June 24, 2004
Hi Debra,
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad about this. I just want to say that I don't
think your friends and family are lying to you. In their eyes you do look
great, and little, and probably like you're at a size to think about stop
losing anymore. What they're saying to you is their way of complimenting
you on your success and hard work. Please don't be too hard on them, their
hearts are in the right place. I'm preop for 18 more days (not that I'm
counting) and I applaud you on your weight loss. A size 6, I can't even
imagine! I hope you're able to find a weight that makes you feel
comfortable. You've worked so hard, and my wish for you is to feel good in
your skin! Deb
— Dj _.
June 24, 2004
"Lie" seems like a strong word. I think formerly morbidly obese
people tend to look skinnier than their counterparts at similar
"normal" or "near-normal" weights, if only because the
hanging skin can make us look a bit haggard. I guess it seems to me not
that your family is lying, but that the boneheads who did the MRI musta
been smoking something on their lunch break to check off
"overweight" (only in the most technical sense are you
overweight, and given the extra skin, probably not at all if a better
measuring method were devised).<P>If these are people who know, love,
and support you, and don't make a habit of lying to you, I think I'd be
taking a hard look at your own self-perception of your body image here
which, as you point out, takes quite awhile to "catch up" after
such a dramatic change. Sure, it may be hard for them to get used to you
smaller (would you cut *them* some "slack" to get used to the new
you, too??), but my guess is that their perceptions are probably more on
target than yours (they're a little more objective than you, probably).
Don't be so harsh on yourself or them, and don't set such store by a casual
comment by an MRI technician. The next doc's office you go to may write
down that you're "normal," and would that one observation really
rock your world so much? Food for thought, I'd say . . .
— Suzy C.
June 24, 2004
Debra, sweetie, first of all, you are not the best judge of what you look
like. It takes quite a while for the head to catch up with the body as you
so aptly noted. If you understand that then why would you think that your
husband and friends are lying?? Why would you think folks seeing you for
the first time think you would be cute if you lost weight?? Common sense
should tell you that a size 6 IS small...HELLO? Try this. Go to a mall
with a good friend or two or three and ask them to point someone out that
looks like your size. You'll be amazed when they pick a person that will
look small to you. And finally, I have to tell you, you and I are good
examples of how different body types are. I, too, am 5'3 and weigh 145
(close to your weight) but I am a size 10 on the bottom and 8 on top. Yet,
we are the same height and almost the same weight and you are a 6?? Go
figure.
— Cindy R.
June 24, 2004
Hi. As a plastic surgeon, I can attest to what Cindy says. You have
undergone a major transition in the way you look...over just months. Your
body image is years in the making. I have had many patients go through ALL
range of emotions after cosmetic and reconstructive procedures, including
anger, fear, and sadness. What you are going through is a normal
process...it takes time and reassurance until you become comfortable with
your new "self."
— DrL
June 24, 2004
What matters the most is your health and how you feel. If you want to lose
more, OK. If you don't like the results, gain it back. As long as your
weight is healthy and you are aware of how difficult it is to see yourself
as you really are. Everyone has an opinion and you know how that goes. To
me personally, anyone wearing a single digit size withiut an X behind it
isn't fat. I have lost over 150lbs and I know the hanging skin does give
the perception that I am much bigger than I actually am. I need a body
lift but that scares me more than WLS ever did! Even after everything I've
gone through, I can't wear a shirt tucked in....DARN IT! But, I believe we
all need to put this stuff in the right perspective. We would have much
more serious problems to worry about if we hadn't had the courage to have
WLS!
— PattyL
June 24, 2004
Hi Cindy,
You've gotten a lot of great input. I'm three years post and have similar
stats as you. I had dropped down to 130 and bounced back up to 145 in the
blink of an eye, I'm 5'2.5". For about a year after, I was in a state
of misery with similar thoughts as you "they'd think I was good
looking if I lost another 10 lbs..etc)I have to stop and think rationally,
as one person listed below, well...I'm a size 8...I know that's not fat,
but at 5'2...it *is* chunky, right?...(this is the sort of thing that would
go on in my head, REALLY not caring what *they* thought of me...but still
letting it bug the heck out of me). I still struggle with how people view
me physically....and that really ticks me off that I let myself worry about
it. It really wasn't until a few weeks ago, that I had an expirience that
kinda calmed that inner voice. My hubby and I were at an antique car
show...he was taking random pics of the cars, and I just happened to be in
the back ground of a few of them....not planned photos, just spontanious
shots of something other than *me*. Wow, I was thrilled...I had other folks
from the crowd around me to compare to (the sicko that I am)...and guess
what...I really was not fat, not at all....not even chubby. I have had this
strange sense of calm ever since...I do hope someday that my appearance
will no longer be such a ragging force in my life...it's so sad and time
consuming...but as the M.d. mentioned below...our bodies change so quickly
in such a short time, it takes awhile for body image to catch up (I was
thrilled to see an Md respond!!). I am still chicken about getting
reconstructive, despite approval for TT, because I'm still not convinced I
can keep the weight off (therefore *worthy*??)....at anyrate, maybe a few
random pics of yourself in a crowd can help convince you too, that your
family isn't lying (as I believed too). Take care. -Kim open RNY 7/17/01
282/145/135
— KimBo36
June 26, 2004
Well I'm just gonna put it out there and say you're NUTS and should see a
psychiatrist. You're a size 6, for God's sake - you're small. Why do you
think people would lie to you?
— Angie M.
June 26, 2004
There is a condition most of us go through in some way shape or form called
body dismorphic disorder. It gives us the notion we're larger than we
really are. You are size 6, that is not large. I'd say you need to find
someone to talk to about this idea of yours. If you go by insurance
charges, 142-144 is overweight for your height. But I'd say you need to
get over the numbers--go by the Size 6 and your current state of health.
In the end that's all that matters. Your husband and your friends are
going by your appearance--you should too.
— Cathy S.
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