Question:
Are you tempted to tell obese strangers about WLS?
Because I am so happy with the results of my WLS, I am often tempted, though I resist, to share my story with perfect strangers..obese people I see in the grocery store or in the cafeteria at work. I look at them and think how unhappy they must feel, and how I was once them. Anyone else tempted to talk to perfect strangers about their WLS? I often think they may be receptive to my approach, but then again, I don't want to embarrass them. — Cindy R. (posted on October 7, 2002)
October 7, 2002
I feel the same way. I would love to tell them to call my doctor, but I am
afraid of offending them. If anyone has a good approach to use I would
love to hear it.
— Linda A.
October 7, 2002
All the time! It is so hard, because I am fairly young and still in
college. I see other obese girls in my classes and I want so much to share
this with them. I want them to realize they don't have to live their lives
hurting and miserable, when they should be out enjoying their youth.
Especially since I think I see them eyeing me this semester, wondering
probably how the heck I managed to lose so much weight. But it is a
delicate subject. What do you say? "I used to be just as fat as you.
I was so miserable. You don't have to live that way." LOL It just
seems too touchy a subject to bring up to people. I just hope that I can
get enough chances to share my story with people who could use the
information. This surgery is such a life saver, it's hard to not want to
tell every fat person I see.
— Jennifer Y.
October 7, 2002
I guess I am a bit different. If someone told me about the surgery b4 I was
ready to make the change I would have been insulted. I dont want to go up
to strangers and tell them about wls anymore than I would walk up to
someone with bad teeth and recomend a good dentist. If they ASK its another
thing I will sing about wls until the cows come home but to just bring it
up NO WAY. Thats my thoughts on the subject.
— Sassy M.
October 7, 2002
Cindy, in my opinion with all the talk about surgery now days. newspaper
articles, tv articles, etc. Anyone who is obese and really wants to lose
weight knows about this procedure they just are not ready to give up the
food. I myself went to a friends brother on her wishes, he weighs over
500lbs all he said is "ain't no way in he!! I am giving up my food for
anything". So I say it is best to keep quite they know it is
available and they will go if and when they are ready. This is just my
personal experience and opinion with this. I say if you feel like doing go
for it and see what happens. Best of luck. RK
— Robin B.
October 7, 2002
I also feel great empathy for morbidly obese strangers I meet. I would
never approach any outwardly, but Saturday a friend and I had a yard sale,
and there was a M.O. woman looking around, I asked her if she was
interested in clothing, she said, "yes, but there's never any my
size", I told her I had a lot of clothing and coats if she was
interested, she laughed at me, and said "Baby girl, I couldn't get my
leg in your clothes", and turned away, I showed her the stuff, and of
course she asked how I had lost my weight, I told her, and she said she had
heard lots of bad stuff, so I corrected her, she asked my surgeons name,
and I gave her the card to the program I went through. I am usually not so
forward, but I felt the door had been opened, and she can do with it what
she wants to.
— Angela S.
October 7, 2002
To be honest I've quite often found myself wanting to tell strangers about
my surgeon in town here, and what he did for me, but I'm way too worried
about offending someone. I'm sure most people out there have heard of these
weightloss procedures already, you hear about it everywhere, radio,
television, newspapers etc. So I just like to think that those people have
already heard about it and are pursuing what they wish.
— Jennifer M.
October 7, 2002
I'd like to help those who are obese, but I would never single someone out.
Unless he/she lives in a cave, they already know about WLS. I can't imagine
that there are any obese Americans that haven't heard about WLS. Most
people looking to lose weight have heard seen it on the news and other t.v.
specials. And with the internet and t.v., it is easy to find out more about
it. If you would have suggested WLS to me before I had surgery, you would
have ruined my day. No one wants to be picked out of a crowd to hear a
comment on their weight. It's not right although your heart is in the right
place. If you do want to spread that good news about WLS, I encourage you
to wear one of the WLS t-shirts that you can order off this site. I know
you can't wear a t-shirt everyday of your life (nor would you want to), but
throw one on next time you run to the grocery store. But, please don't hurt
someone's feeling by suggesting WLS.
— Sarah K.
October 7, 2002
Hi Cindy - As elated as I am with the outcome of my surgery, I would never
approach someone out of the blue and suggest they have this done. I have
been approached by people who knew I had it done and have discussed it with
them but I would imagine that they wouldn't take kindly to a stranger
acknowledging their weight problem. I can tell you that it saddens me when
I see a very obese person struggling to walk because it reminds me of my
own struggles when that was me. I just don't know if it's appropriate to
volunteer the info without being approached first.
— Michael N.
October 7, 2002
Hi, I guess I am like the others in the respect that I would not openly
suggest that they have the surgery. But I do make it a point to tell
people of my great success. The place where I work at there has been alot
of people ask me about it. I am kind of a spokes person there. I enjoy
telling people how great and how wonderful my life is now. I was so
miserable this time last year. I was after all only 3 days post op. At
this time last year, I was just getting out of the car after a almost 5
hour long car ride. My DH drove very slowly.... Thank god for loving
husbands....... Good luck. Let your heart and your head lead you.....
OPEN RNY 10/4 down 120+
— TONYA B.
October 7, 2002
Cindy, When I see a MO stranger, I try to imagine that they already had the
surgery and have lost 50 pounds and that today is the best day they have
had in years. This helps me smile and speak to them without pitty or a
condesenting additude. Plenty of people probably give them weight loss
adivce of all sorts. I want to be the one who treats them as if they have
value exactly as they are. And, you never know, maybe they DID just have
surgery.
— Amber L.
October 7, 2002
As someone who remembers the "pain" of comments from well-meaning
strangers, I only tell someone about my surgery if they ask. Sometimes
well meaning strangers can deliver the toughest blows of all.
— Cathy S.
October 7, 2002
There are a lot of people that I see during my day that could benefit from
this surgery, but like everyone else below, I am not going to go up to them
and suggest it. Now, if they know me and ask how I lost so much weight, I
will tout the WLS until the ends of the earth. My PCP is going to have
anyone that he thinks would benefit from WLS talk to me (if they are
looking for someone to talk to) as my primary is happier than pig slop over
my success...JR (open RNY 07/17 -87 pounds)
— John Rushton
October 7, 2002
No! I would have been horrified if someone had approached me. It's their
business. Not all obese people are ready, willing or able to have surgery.
It's really not my place to mention it to them unless they ask.
— M. B.
October 7, 2002
I know your intentions are good, but most obese people already know about
the surgery. It is NOT a good idea to go up to anyone that you don't know
and talk about something so very personal. And most likely...it would
embarrass them. It would have definitely mortified me. If you have a close
friend you want to tell or family...that is different, but I would stay
away from strangers unless they come up to you and ASK you. Good Luck!
(open RNY 7/23/02 -60 lbs)
— Shawnie S.
October 7, 2002
I have been tempted but don't say anything to complete strangers
usually...but I have been to a few yardsales where some plus sized lady is
selling off her smaller cloths and I've had two or three laugh and say
they've gotten too big for them...and that is the perfect opening for me to
say...well...I used to be too big for them too...and then they ask what my
secret is...and I tell them. :) (I'm always whipping out my before
pictures) I've had other oppurtunities too....you just have to weigh each
situation (no pun intended..<g>) -Kim open RNY 7/17/01 -132
— KimBo36
October 7, 2002
I have and after posting it here got scolded by most posters. So I tried to
find a better way and called my local paper health editor. They ran a big
spread on WLS and me and Jen got our picture in the paper. Links are on my
profile. Despite the opinion that everyone knows about surgery MANY today
still arent aware or just know about the old ones where people got sick and
regained the weight in a year. Even snme doctors fall in this group:( I
tell everytone about my surery. My customers dont see me often maybe twice
a year and when I didnt inform them I got calls asking iif I had cancer or
other terroble disease. Better to spread the word. Many saw my newspaper
article. I am now a minor celebrity:) My surgeon remarked on how many folks
who saw that article are now havoing surgery and improving their lives.
That felt GREAT!
— bob-haller
October 7, 2002
And consider this for a moment, he or she may be a practicing member of
National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance! I have run into this on
another board I frequent. While you and I may be happy with our decision,
surgery to them is absolutely unthinkable and they will tell you very
loudly! They are happy being fat. If they want help they will find it
like you and I did..... While your intentions are good, I think you will
open up a can of worms you would not ever expect. Some people's MO is
caused by other issues than overeating. There are a lot of medications
that can cause major weight gain, telling them about your surgery may bring
up painful issues we are not aware of..... just my thoughts.
— Karen R.
October 7, 2002
YESSSSSS............I have and it was a good turn out. I dont push the
issue and I only bring it up in conversation. I NEVER walk up to a total
stranger and emply that they should have the surgery. Not that I dont want
to because it does take restraint but, if opportunity knocks and I am in
conversation with a total stranger I will mention my success and how I did
it, they always ask for more info and always tell me their views and I
respect it either way...........
— Deanna Wise
October 7, 2002
****WAIT**** i think what i wrote may have come out wrong so I better
correct myself before someone takes my post the wrong way. I havent never
gone up to a total stranger and told them to have wls, I have only spoken
to total strangers about my having the surgery and my success!! If they ask
me more about this surgery and are thinking about it I refer them to this
site and tell them to make sure its what they want and to research it!
— Deanna Wise
October 7, 2002
I feel that way too, but I just won't act on it... its so incredibly rude
and intrusive.. imagine if you hadn't thought about this surgery and
someone did it to you... but yes, I know how you feel... I do think it..
but never EVER act on it.. even with very close friends.. if they ask.. I
tell them I will answer anything they want... and be there.. but I never
push this on them ever.
— Lisa C.
October 7, 2002
I WOULD OF BEEN THRILLED IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SURGERY YEARS
AGO! Now I dont like folks who would approach me about diets.. Many of them
had a fianvcial interest in that. But WLS is effective, which is better
than ANY diet out there.
— bob-haller
October 7, 2002
If it hadn't been a friend at work who shared her before picture with me,
(I never would have guessed in a million years that she had once been
morbidly obese) or told me about this website, I would have been none the
wiser. I have surgery scheduled for Nov. 6th.
— J. W.
October 7, 2002
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/question.phtml?N=l1012160656&Search_Word=strangers
<P> Here is a discussion of this from the library.
— bob-haller
October 7, 2002
Hey Everyone..Good answers! I didn't see this one.
Doesn't this site sell WLS t-Shirts?! We could wear it out in public, say
once every two weeks and always have our before picture with us 'in case'
some asks about it.! I bet we would get questions asked and no one would be
embarassed.: )
— Cheri P.
October 7, 2002
I would be careful telling strangers. I have to think back to how I would
have acted it someone told me before I was mentally ready to hear it. I
have several people at work I want to share with but I am not sure they
would welcome the information. But I to see people on the street and think
do I have an idea or you!!
— Christina L.
October 7, 2002
See...but we're not talking about acquaintances or friends here, we are
talking about STRANGERS. It is NONE of your business. I think wearing the
t-shirt is a great idea, carrying around your before picture is a great
idea, being ready to talk about it if someone asks....another great idea.
But should you bring it up to someone you don't know? Heck, no. I would
be devastated if someone I didn't know said something to me about my
weight. (Indeed, it hurts when people I KNOW say something). But I think
your intentions are good, so...in the meantime, if you want to help a
stranger -- join Habitat for Humanity. Volunteer at the shelter. Work at
a soup kitchen. But let others manage their own lives. Just my two cents.
— Tamara K.
October 7, 2002
I would never go up to a complete stranger and say something like,
"You know, I was noticing you and thought maybe you could benefit from
weight loss surgery." HOW OFFENSIVE!!! I have, however, found
opportunities to share my story with obese friends, co-workers, etc. I
always talk about my own story and never suggest that they get the surgery
unless they ask about it first. Works fine for me.
— Terissa R.
October 7, 2002
Please don't tell me that Bob Haller and I are the only ones who feel the
same way. We live in such a "politically correct" society where
we can't do ANYTHING that might offend someone or hurt their feelings...and
in my opinion, that's sad. I wish to God someone had told me about this
surgery sooner. My mother died from intestinal bypass surgery in 1975
(read my profile). I consider myself a VERY informed person, but was not
aware of the new WLS until I saw a former workmate at WalMart who was nice
enough to tell me how he had lost so much weight.
Honestly, we as MO people have had our feelings hurt all our lives. So what
if someone came up to us with the answer to our problems? And even if it
wasn't the "answer" haven't we at least tried to do something
good for someone??? If you saw a blind person walking toward a cliff would
you NOT tell them to stop because you might "offend" them? Of
course not! You'd do everything you could to save their life, even if you
didn't know them! I wish someone had tried to save my life years ago!
Now I must admit that I have never gone up to a complete stranger and told
them about my surgery, I am such a shy person and am not great in those
situations, but I will start carrying a pre-op picture with me and HOPE the
conversation comes up!
I know I will be in the GREAT MINORITY on this, but think about the
wonderful gift you've been given. Some gifts are meant to be kept and some
are meant to be passed along and shared with others. WHICH GIFT DOES WLS
QUALIFY AS????
— Robby E.
October 7, 2002
I must be RUDE!!! I would tell anyone. But that is just me. Most people
avoid even talking to the MO. We get discriminated against everyday. When
you talk to a MO stranger you are helping to break that cycle. Don't let it
become us (not MO) and them (MO). WLS is the greatest thing I ever did for
myself and I share it with anyone that will listen. I think that the PC
issue is just a social way to perpetuwate<sp> predudice. If you had
skin cancer and saw someone with the same symtoms wouldn't you talk to them
and try to get them help???
— Robert L.
October 8, 2002
I may have been tempted, but I would never in a million years actually do
it. Before I really started thinking about WLS I was pretty offended that
family members suggested that I look into it. They had seen my
bro-in-law's results and thought it would be great for me, but it really
bothered me when they suggested it. WLS is terribly popular these days,
I'd say you'd have to live in a cave to not know it exists. If someone
thinks even the teeniest bit that it may be for them, they will discover
more and move forward on their own time.
— PaulaM
October 8, 2002
You know.. I have to agree with most of you.. If I see an open door, I will
tell about WLS. But, I have to disagree when you say that everyone knows
about it. Sure, BTC has wonderful commercials and there have been news
articles and things like that. But, most people will say "WOW that's
nice" and then disregard it as something that they could never afford.
Surgery for the wealthy. I was one of those people, until I met a friend
of a friend who was talking about the 126 pounds she had lost in the last 4
months. I was amazed, still not associating it with the commercials. Then
I asked her how much it cost, surely I would never afford it. Then she
said the best thing I had ever heard "I have no idea, my insurance
covered it"... that is the only thing that opened my eyes. If BTC or
some of those special news articles would mention that insurance may cover
it, more people would pay more attention rather than dismiss it out of
memory as a special thing for the rich. <P> Just my opinion. I
will thank Karen forever for enlightening me....
— Angela G.
October 8, 2002
Well, this one certainly generated alot of opinions. I'm the original
poster, and I learned quite a bit from all of you responders. First, I do
not want to embarrass anyone. But I do agree with Bob and Robby that not
everyone knows about this surgery and if you knew of something that would
save someone's life, like cancer surgery, wouldn't you tell them about it?
There are those who have "heard" of the surgery but have never
met a live person who has had the surgery and may just be interested in it
if they could talk to someone who has had it, and see that
"before" pic. I like the T-shirt idea, but am not sure I want to
be a walking "advertisement". I feel the same way about the
newspaper article. There are many I have not told about this surgery-for
privacy reasons-like at work and don't want to appear in a local newspaper
for that reason. Thank you everyone for responding with your opinions.
— Cindy R.
October 8, 2002
I just want to mention how I found out about this surgery. Of course, I
had heard of old stomach stapling surgeries, but was totally unaware of the
latest surgeries. AND as a lightweight, I had no idea that I qualified!!
I was taking a college level speech class and a classmate and member of
this site did her speech on her WLS. It was very inspiring! She, of
course, had to give credit for where she got some of her information so of
course she gave this website out as a work cited. She also passed around a
chart that showed what weight/height/BMI qualifies. And she passed around
her before pictures. At the time, I wasn't that interested, but the
information stayed with me for a year before I went out searching for this
site. I sure did notice when passing around that chart, that I <b>
did </b> qualify for surgery. That was a surprise to me. Even at
245lbs and 5'3", I didn't think I would qualify for a surgery like
this. I don't think that every MO person is aware of this surgery, and not
only that, but so many people think it is just too drastic if you are a
lightweight. (Lap RNY April 8, 2001-6 months post op and now weigh 153)
— A. S.
October 8, 2002
I remember how I felt as an obese person, and I was painfully sensitive
about my size and how I thought I must look to others. If someone had
approached me and said something about WLS, I would have died of
embarrassment. I wait until I'm approached, usually by people who know me
slightly and remember what I used to look like, and then I tell them about
the surgery. Yes, WLS is a gift, but it must be tendered carefully with
sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Margie B
— Marjorie B.
October 8, 2002
Hey Cindy...it's your WLS pal Rebecca here, chiming in with my two cents on
this issue. In my mind, it would take b*#$s of steel to approach perfect
strangers (such as in the grocery store) with this, but the next time you
see someone in the cafeteria at work, I don't think it would be
inappropriate to ask to sit with them, strike up a conversation, see if a
friendly acquaintancship (is that a word?) occurs, and take it from there.
I agree with the gist of what Paula M said - WLS is becoming so well-known
these days, there really is no need to "evangalize" about it...I
know I would have been MORTIFIED if anyone had approached me about it (esp.
a stranger) 70lbs ago. Anyway, aside from being a great person, you are a
real shining example of sucess, and I want to thank you again for leading
me to our great WLS docs thru this website. Huggs!
— rebeccamayhew
October 8, 2002
OK, I had to post again, because I'm getting so angry about this. First of
all: doesn't the fact that there are a number of people who say they would
be hurt if they were approached by a stranger indicate to those that might
approach that its NOT such a good idea? Second of all. Just because YOU
would have been "thrilled" if someone approached you years ago
doesn't mean someone else would. Indeed, there are plenty of people on
this site who have indicated that they would NOT be thrilled. Third of
all. This is NOT similar to the "cancer treatment" analogy,
because cancer does not have the same stigma that being obese does.
Moreover, NO ONE wants cancer, but some people, believe it or not, are
perfectly happy, despite the fact that they are MO. And, even if they
aren't as happy as they could be, they are happy enough that its not worth
having surgery.
I want to be clear about this. I am more excited about my upcoming surgery
than anything. I feel like shouting it from the rooftops. But it is MY
business, not yours. I'm sure that a bunch of people will now post
responses to this, but all I'm saying is this: People here have indicated
it would hurt them. Why would you nonetheless go about doing something you
know could likely hurt someone?
— Tamara K.
October 8, 2002
I feel approaching someone is the WRONG thing to do. This surgery is a very
personal and scary decision and should not be discussed with total
strangers. We all found out about this surgery in one way or another and
must trust that these individuals will also.
— Mary H.
October 8, 2002
I agree with Tamara. I think it's just plain rude to walk up to a
stranger, let them know you noticed they were fat, and expect that they'd
be remotely interested in what you, a rude person, now have to say about
how you can "help" them. I would have been really teed off and
depressed if someone had done that to me as a pre-op, and it might even
have discouraged me from looking into WLS (ummm, does the bypass come with
a rudeness implant? :P). I have a "normie" friend who talked to
me about her sister, an M.O. I've never met, and how great she was doing
with the surgery. She never said, "Hey, why don't you have it
too?," but she managed to educate me just enough to get me curious and
looking into it on my own. (Then she was actually charming enough to feign
surprise when it turned out I was "big" enough to get insurance
coverage -- "No, really? Oh, good for you," she said. :PPP).
Surely, we can find a way to be caring about others who might (or MIGHT
NOT) like to know about WLS, *without* smackin' 'em upside the head with a
brick!
— Suzy C.
October 8, 2002
With no disrespect to anyone who have posted, i dont think that approaching
perfect strangers is a good idea. Your hearts are in the right place but
everyone might not receive your advice the way that you want them to. If
the door was opened for that type of dialog then go ahead, but unwanted
information can really hurt someones' feelings and make their self- esteem
even worse that it is. I myself was a victim of unwanted "help"
when a perfect stranger realised that I had a scalp disease called alopecia
and decided to tell me about a procedure that is done to help the
condition. I had already tried that and many other "remedies" and
none of them worked for me. Then they went on to tell me of a wig shop that
made really good wigs. I was not already wearing one because I had not
accepted that this would be me for the rest of my life. I was completely
devistated and upset that this person who knew nothing about me would try
to solve my problems, as if I havent been trying to solve them myself.
Years later I now would not even be seen without my wig. I have already
KNOWN that they were avaiable but I did not want to admit that that was
what I would have to do in order to live a "SEMI-NORMAL" life. I
personally have known about WLS for a few years. All of these years I have
been MO. I have just come to accept that this is a disease that I will
either have to learn to control or have it control me. Please no one
mentioned it to me, no one approached me about the subject. I found out
aboput it from a TV special and decided to do MY OWN research. I am not a
senitive person at all but unwanted advice can be the most hurtful.
— Teekay80
October 8, 2002
As someone who is a pre-op, I would be mortified if someone wandered up to
me and started proselytizing to me about this WLS- or any other means to
lose weight. That to me is uncouth and rude. Wow... the more I think
about it, the more appalled I am. Why not work with your surgeon, instead?
Why not offer to talk at one of your support group meetings?
— Jess S.
October 8, 2002
I posted on thie topic the last time it was brought up, but I did it
anonymously. Here, I'll just say it out - I would be beyond offended if
someone suggested it to me. This is something that people have to decide
on their own. As my date gets closer, I've been letting more friends know
that I am having surgery, but I would NEVER in a million years suggest to
someone that they should have it. I might think it, but I would never SAY
it. Like I said the last time, we aren't stupid - we know we are fat and
we don't need others to tell us so. (You should lose weight. - NO
<i>really</i>?? I would have never figured that out on my
own.) If someone really wants to lose the weight, there is no reason they
can't find out for themselves with all the info out there these days on TV
and the internet. I found out about this site by just typing
"BMI" into a search engine - it was a term used on many diet
sites and I wanted to know what it meant. ObesityHelp was one of the first
sites listed and the before and after photos got me hooked. Also, what if
that person had tried for WLS and had been denied by their insurance
already and couldn't afford it? Or how about if that person's spouse had
tried WLS and had died on the operating table? You just don't know what a
stranger's circumstances are and proselytizing (that's the word I used
before, too) for WLS is absolutely rude and very presumptuous. OK, I'll
get down off my soapbox now (otherwise it's gonna crack from me jumping on
it).
— Toni C.
October 8, 2002
I definitely agree with the last post. My friend an I were at a WLS support
group a few months ago, and someone asked my friend when she was going to
have surgery. She had surgery 2 years ago. She lost ove 100lbs, but has a
lot of excess skin so she looks bigger than she is. She was really upset
about it and it has given her a major complex. I told her to just ignore
the woman, but that's a hard thing to do. I would never want to effect
someone's life like that, even accidentally.
Karen P.
— Karen P.
October 8, 2002
Go look at the old thread. Theres a post from a person who when getting a x
ray was told about surgery from a stranger. She went on to have surgery and
likely save gher life.
— bob-haller
October 8, 2002
Bob, I looked at the old thread. It began with you telling a story about
how you'd approached a stranger, who happened to be a super M.O. lady in a
supermarket who was on oxygen and in a scooter, to tell her about your WLS
surgery. Luckily for you, it turned out she was already scheduled for a
WLS consult.<P>Respectfully, I think you were out of line. Not long
before my mom died of lung cancer, she was also on oxygen, also M.O., also
going into stores near the end, and unfortunately, terminal (and she knew
it). There's no way you would've known her condition just to look at her.
If somebody had walked up to her, unsolicited, to tell her about WLS
surgery, it would have been so cruel and of course, pointless. You take a
big risk going up to strangers, under the guise of "saving them,"
so you can share your personal success with the surgery. Don't forget that
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," and please,
give those poor strangers a break.
— Suzy C.
October 8, 2002
Whooeee! This is the best subject we've had on here in ages!!! This is my
2nd and hopefully LAST post on this. But I cannot help but speak again.
Please remember 2 things: 1)my mother died from WLS, and 2)I have never
actually done what we are talking about. But what have we come to in
society where we feel it is taboo to try to help someone? I mean
seriously, if we spend all our time trying to NOT offend everyone, we will
most certainly NEVER help anyone. Please tell me I (and Bob) am not the
only one who ever needed the proverbial kick in the butt or slap in the
face to wake me up to reality! I look at myself today minus 105 pounds and
for the first time see how fat I really am! When I weighed 350, I NEVER
saw myself as being as absolutely pathetic looking as I was. But thank God
my eyes have been opened to how big I really was! I believe most of us MO's
NEVER think we are as big as we are. That's why we get so
"offended" when someone slaps us in the face with reality. And
why do we think they are being RUDE when they do these things? Since when
did someone with good intentions and maybe not the most tact in the world
become evil? I would rather know a thousand of those people than one person
who was too scared to tell me the truth about anything for fear of hurting
my feelings. PLEASE, IF IT IS GOING TO SAVE MY LIFE, HURT MY FEELINGS!!!!!
I'll get over it. I sure got over all the hundreds and thousands of times I
was made fun of as a child and adult! I'll get over this. At least this is
someone who may have a viable benefit that may actually work (for once).
And if I've already had the surgery, or I have a terminal illness, THANK
GOD at least someone cared enough to step out of their comfort zone and
care enough to try and help. Maybe that's why most of us can't name our
neighbors across the street. We are so fixated on ourselves that we don't
even care about our neighbors. I remember a few years ago I had a next door
neighbor die and I didn't even know for about 6 weeks. Shame on me!!! I
know I'm getting off the subject a little, and am probably making some
enemies, but if that's what it takes, then let me say emphatically, GET
OVER IT!!! Sorry if I have offended you, but God help us when we stop
caring for others! Please, I beg you, don't think that person rude, think
that person a HERO for having the guts to make a difference, or die trying!
— Robby E.
October 8, 2002
I don't start the conversation about weight, but I have had the occasion to
discuss it with strangers (both MO and skinnie minnies) because my drivers
license shows the "old" me. When someone mentions that I have
lost weight, I tell them I had weight loss surgery. If they express
interest I point them to AMOS. You would be surprised how many normal-sized
folks have parents or siblings who have considered WLS. I figure that I am
showing them a "normal" person who has had WLS. I am not disabled
or disfigured. I am helping to dispel all the horror stories. You would be
surprised at how many MO folks know about the surgery but are afraid of it.
At least they can see one person right in front of them who was successful.
— ctyst
October 9, 2002
I recently learned that someone tried to tell me about WLS over a year ago,
in a round about way. I saw this woman that I knew in a distant manner. She
asked me how I was, and I responded with a short organ recital. She told me
that she used to wear a size 44D bra. I shrugged it off as this woman
looked like she had to run around in the shower to get wet. I said
something like I'd need breast reduction to fit into that size, laughed,
said see ya and went on my way. I was telling someone that I checking into
WLS about 6 months ago, and was told that I should talk to this other lady.
She had weight loss surgery over 7 years ago. I called her and what a
fountain of information. I am not sure of telling a complete stranger, but
if opportunity ever knocks when I am post-op, I'll have to do some soul
searching. After all someone tried to reach out to me.
— Tricia J.
October 9, 2002
I think this is a sensitive issue for many. We all found our way to morbid
obesity by various routes. Some are able to overcome it w/o surgery but
most will not. It is still a touchy subject as some are uneducated, or
undereducated; some are simply not interested; and still others would love
to have WLS but due to private reasons are unable to do so. I will say
that while I totally respect people's decisions on whether or not to go
public w/the fact that they have had WLS, that to allow another morbidly
obese individual to assume you lost weight simply by "eating right and
exercising" while not a lie is not the "truth" and leaves
them feeling that they are once again a failure-it would have me.
— jsuggs
October 9, 2002
I work in the public view all the time and since customer service is my job
I take pride in making others feel comfortable around me. I deceided when I
reach my hundred pound mark I am going to wear a pin that says just that. I
lost a hundred pounds If you need help ask a friend...me This kinds puts it
out in the open and allows you to be approached by others without feeling
you are stepping on anyones toes. If someone had pointed me to this website
three years ago I would already be at goal. I also know each day I feared
seeing those who knewn me thinner are days of wasted time. Time that I
could be helping others in whatever path life has given them. Be bold and
be different! Strike up an everyday conversation with someone and let it go
where ever it may go. You might just turn out to be someone's guardian
angel that day.
— Adriane T.
October 11, 2002
Well, I just need to put in my two cents also. First let me say that I did
not learn of this through any of the advertising mentioned here. I did not
see any ads on TV until I went to Chicago for a visit a month ago, there
are no such ads here! I don't read magazines so I saw no ads there. But a
friend told me and since I had heard of this surgery years ago I did know
something about it but not anything about how it has improved over time. I
thank God that I have gotton the word about it! As far as offending some
one, well I agree with those who say they would tell a blind man of a
danger or a person with some other obvious disease of a cure. If you offend
that person, they will get over being offended, and they will remember that
there is help for them. I don't know about everyone else here but I was at
the point I felt my life was over and that there was no help for me! If
some one had hurt my feelings, which I am sure they would have by bringing
my size up to me, I would be equally as grateful that they cared enough
about their fellow person to give them the answer to their life threatning
problem. Yes, they might be offended at first but the seed for hope will be
planted! Our life here is just to short for us to live in the helplessess
and hoplessness of our obesity and if I could help someone out of that
prison, it would be worth having them think I was rude. Education is power.
— garnet156
October 11, 2002
All I can say is that when I was obese if someone had approached me (no
matter how good their intentions were) I would have been absolutely
positively 100% humiliated! Have I been tempted to talk to an obese person
about WLS? Sure, I have! But since I know how I would have felt if I had
been in their shoes, I always hold back.
— Lynette B.
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