Dating: To tell or to not tell?!
Hey All,
Well, it's been a really long time since I have come to this site, not necessarily a good thing!
In Oct I will be 2 full years since I hit my goal weight and I have maintained it in that time as well. All in all, I'm great!..and very happy with my results.
The area I'm suffering in is....dating! Ugh!
Dating is a nasty game on its own and then throw in having WLS, it can be a lot more of a challenge.
I'm curious...opinions...do you tell the person you're dating that you've had WLS? When do you tell them? Early on or wait until you've "snagged" them? lol
This is something I struggle with a lot. I have no kept my surgery from anyone...I am very open about it...but I have seen how negative it can be when it comes to dating....right or wrong, it happens.
Let me know! Thanks!
*Went from 271 to currently 153....150 was my goal, I fluctuate between 147 and 154!
Well, it's been a really long time since I have come to this site, not necessarily a good thing!
In Oct I will be 2 full years since I hit my goal weight and I have maintained it in that time as well. All in all, I'm great!..and very happy with my results.
The area I'm suffering in is....dating! Ugh!
Dating is a nasty game on its own and then throw in having WLS, it can be a lot more of a challenge.
I'm curious...opinions...do you tell the person you're dating that you've had WLS? When do you tell them? Early on or wait until you've "snagged" them? lol
This is something I struggle with a lot. I have no kept my surgery from anyone...I am very open about it...but I have seen how negative it can be when it comes to dating....right or wrong, it happens.
Let me know! Thanks!
*Went from 271 to currently 153....150 was my goal, I fluctuate between 147 and 154!
Congrats on making it to goal and maintaining it. If you are open about your surgery then I would definitely say something, as you would want it to come from you not someone else. It certainly doesn't have to be on the first date, I'm sure that at some point when you are ordering a meal or eating very little that you can work it into conversation. If it's a deal breaker the in my opinion he probably isn't worth the effort anyway. Good luck getting back in the saddle - I don't envy you embarking on the dating journey it's always so stressful.
Hmmmm... here's my two cents worth. First of all, "dating" to me means you have been seeing this person 6 months or less, are not living together and are not engaged.
Don't tell until it comes up. Let me explain.
Would you tell someone in the first six months (unless it came up) that you once stole candy from your sister; that you were once fired; that you prefer men who have thicker hair; that you failed math twice, or that you sucked on your thumb till you were two? I sure wouldn't.
Next - we shouldn't treat WLS like it is something we NEED to reveal - like a little dirty secret. We must remember, however, that the person we are dating probably has no or little knowledge of WLS and that we can come on a little strong with all the WLS stuff - strong enough to scare someone away. How would you feel if he went on and on about his Star Trek Collection the first month you date? Once you have known him for a substantial time, and the subject comes up, you may view the collection as one of his cute idiosyncrasies - but not so much at the beginning.
Now, how will the subject come up? At some point, if you are serious, he will see a picture of you back in the day before you lost the weight. You can mention you lost over 100 pounds. He may congratulate you and ask how you did it. You can tell him - simply. I had weight loss surgery. Don't go on and on and on. If he wants details he will ask. By this time, he knows who you are. And you are so much more than a girl who had WLS.
Oh, and if he asks in the first few months why you eat so little - honestly and simply say "you are watching your weight". If he says you look perfect, say "thanks". Simple, simple, simple!
Happy dating!!!
Don't tell until it comes up. Let me explain.
Would you tell someone in the first six months (unless it came up) that you once stole candy from your sister; that you were once fired; that you prefer men who have thicker hair; that you failed math twice, or that you sucked on your thumb till you were two? I sure wouldn't.
Next - we shouldn't treat WLS like it is something we NEED to reveal - like a little dirty secret. We must remember, however, that the person we are dating probably has no or little knowledge of WLS and that we can come on a little strong with all the WLS stuff - strong enough to scare someone away. How would you feel if he went on and on about his Star Trek Collection the first month you date? Once you have known him for a substantial time, and the subject comes up, you may view the collection as one of his cute idiosyncrasies - but not so much at the beginning.
Now, how will the subject come up? At some point, if you are serious, he will see a picture of you back in the day before you lost the weight. You can mention you lost over 100 pounds. He may congratulate you and ask how you did it. You can tell him - simply. I had weight loss surgery. Don't go on and on and on. If he wants details he will ask. By this time, he knows who you are. And you are so much more than a girl who had WLS.
Oh, and if he asks in the first few months why you eat so little - honestly and simply say "you are watching your weight". If he says you look perfect, say "thanks". Simple, simple, simple!
Happy dating!!!
TBIYTC-The Best Is Yet To Come Referral-Mar 2011 Surgery Feb 29th, 2012
Thank you!
I completely agree. I just need to keep telling myself that.
The last guy I dated probed and probed...we were only about a month in and he couldnt drop the fact that I ate so little and go to the gym 4 days a week no matter what.
I said I was just a light eater and like to keep active....I think he was thinking I was anorexic or something lol...so I told him...that week he ended...not because of that of course...but because he no longer felt a "connection" lol
But he is just one....not all....gotta keep at it.
I guess I still judge myself a little and expect that others must too. Something I am working on.
I completely agree. I just need to keep telling myself that.
The last guy I dated probed and probed...we were only about a month in and he couldnt drop the fact that I ate so little and go to the gym 4 days a week no matter what.
I said I was just a light eater and like to keep active....I think he was thinking I was anorexic or something lol...so I told him...that week he ended...not because of that of course...but because he no longer felt a "connection" lol
But he is just one....not all....gotta keep at it.
I guess I still judge myself a little and expect that others must too. Something I am working on.
That's just it. I was telling everyone for a long time...then realized that probably wasn't coming off very well. It shouldn't be something I broadcast because you're right, people are judgemental....especially on topics they know nothing about.
That being said..at some point I feel it can be noticeable...food portions, loose skin, etc.
it's just another insecurity now instead of the weight, now it's the surgery.
I'm trying not to make it more than it is but unfortunately as I mentioned have seen the negative side of telling them....but possibly too early on.
Sigh. lol
That being said..at some point I feel it can be noticeable...food portions, loose skin, etc.
it's just another insecurity now instead of the weight, now it's the surgery.
I'm trying not to make it more than it is but unfortunately as I mentioned have seen the negative side of telling them....but possibly too early on.
Sigh. lol
I think it's unnecessary to mention it while you're merely dating someone. If you have skin issues that you want to mention before getting intimate, you could start by first mentioning that you were previously much heavier. Later on, once you're established, you can mention it, but I wouldn' make it into a big deal. For example, if he mentions you eating small portions, you can mention that you had your stomach size reduced to help with weight loss, but I wouldn't make it into one of those "we have to talk" or "I have something important to tell you" things. The bigger deal you make it out to be, the bigger deal he will think it is.
I told my boyfriend on our first date, it's somethng i'm very open about with Everyone. I'm not ashamed of having WLS, Infact i'm proud to be where I am today.. We went out for dinner so it was obvious something was weird.. lol
He's not like any other guy i've met though, He's so good to me.. some do run away when you tell them.
Good luck
He's not like any other guy i've met though, He's so good to me.. some do run away when you tell them.
Good luck
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