Empowering Yourself

Kim,

I work in IT audit and security so I guess I have different expectations of online security. I am happy to share details that I would prefer not be posted to public forums but I understand that relying on human behavior alone is unrealistic. Expecting zero leaks in a private group is simply unrealistic where regular humans are involved. In this case a sentiment was shared with Elizabeth, who shared it with the public but without any hint of the source.

I believe it's probable that many people feel the same sentiment as was shared by Elizabeth in her original post- that is, that her group is a safe place where no one can offer advice or in the tone of the complaint "be real" or "be helpful" to those who are clearly behaving in self defeating ways. The only way these general, and likely common sentiment was tied to you or your group, was through your own postings on this thread. Had you simply ignored the post - no one in the public would have had a CLUE the comment came from your group, let alone the specific person.

The worst case scenario I can come up with is that somehow Elizabeth knows you so well, that she was able to anticipate posting this little tiny snip-it would cause you to out yourself.

What seems far more likely, is that hearing her "safe zone" group mocked, she came out to the public space to provide a reminder to the public that there are other options available for those too intimidated to post in the public forums.

I don't think she was betraying ANYONE'S trust - just offering a minority opinion on the very common thread here about how tough love is better than "everyone gets a ribbon" approach to group think.

Just my two cents.

And I'm glad you associate me with Pence because the other is too horrific to tolerate ;-)

The person who originally made that post recognized it instantly and drew the comparison, so we knew it was word for word, not just a shared sentiment.

I have no expectation of privacy on the internet, but it doesn't mean I don't get to call out a betrayal of trust.

None of us in our group care that this thread has taken the turn it has.

I don't feel badly, and I'm not sorry that I've called people out on their hypocrisy, their betrayal of trust, their bull**** deflection, victimhood and duplicitous behaviour. Let's call it a PSA for the newer members on here that might have come to this thread thinking they were going to feel empowered by someone who might care for them. Throwing your friends under the bus is never a good look.

Being compared to a homophobic, racist, religious zealot is not a compliment, but boy, I'm surprised you owned that!!!!

Actually the 'quote' you refer to is a paraphrase of the only public blog post (8/10/17) I've made about the private group and the rule relating to advice. The Facebook message I got about my group being an 'ish' seemed like a paraphrase drawn from that. There was no cut and paste, screen shots, or anything all that exciting. There wasn't any mention of who posted what when or even where. Just a heads up... there is some gossip about you running the 'no advice unless asked for' group.

I didn't suggest anything about you, your group associations, or anyone in particular. I actually wasn't thinking of you, of your group, or anything related to you when I wrote this. I honestly thought you liked me just fine and when I left that group months ago I did so with no flounce or huff or drama. I continue to be friends with many members of that group via Facebook and enjoy sharing their adventures and successes.

You see...when I wrote this I was thinking of my own experiences, my history as a child, my journey now, and how I might connect with other WLS folks who don't feel comfortable on the main boards in similar ways to my own discomfort. Had you simply ignored the thread, no 'ish'. I would never have known that your group thought poorly of me or thought about me at all for that matter. But nope...Carly Simon comes to mind.

Based on your overall tone I think it is clear that comments about me in your group, posted by you or anyone else, were not intended to be complimentary or uplifting. If it were me in your shoes, I would have been embarrassed to lay claim to that sort of gossiping and ugliness. Instead you decided to call me a liar and double down on how private your gossip should have been. How you choose to spend your time is up to you I suppose but geez. I sure don't envy you.

I think it is great that lots of folks do enjoy being on the main boards. More power to them. However I remember feeling like if I didn't fit in with the prevailing trends on the boards or disagreed in some way I would lose the connection to support that I really depended on. As a new WLS person that seemed intimidating. I am neither new nor intimidated now. My purpose for writing my original post was so that if anyone else was feeling like they were the only kid on the block no one wanted to play with they would know that there are tons of other kids right here on OH.

~Elizabeth

Your original post quotes WORD FOR WORD what was said. Not an approximation. Every. Single. Word. So trying to pretend that "someone" pm'd you and didn't tell you where it came from is ridiculous.

We know who told you and you've now made life very awkward for her. Not much of a friend are you, but you just couldn't help yourself? Sucks to be a friend of yours and I hope everyone on this board sees you for who you are.

When you got pissed off in our group originally, who was the only person that took YOUR side? Me! I've never said anything negative about you here or there. But you go for my group, however veiled you think you've been (you havent, btw) then hell yeah, I'm going to call you out.

Feigning innocence is just making you look ridiculous and every argument you put up just makes you look more and more so.

OH is a great resource and you continuing to say how awful it is is not empowering to anyone other than yourself. You'll never see me saying how horrible it is here because I'm grateful for it. I've had 13 years of support from here. Trashing this place as mean over and over is ungrateful.

If you recall, Elizabeth, that you had promised to keep what happened in our private group private. In fact, not to talk about it at all. I would have hoped that you could understand how important that is to very vulnerable people.

Except you broke your word You have, and continue to, air other people's private words.

It demonstrates very, very clearly exactly who you are. And I hope that anyone who thinks about sharing anything with you in the future keeps in mind how sudden and thorough your betrayal can be.

Some people can be trusted, and others cannot.

I'm not surprised. Elizabeth likes to divide people and make them choose a side. She's doing it now. We've seen it before. She makes herself look like the pillar of the OH community, above all the fray, but forgets she was once a member of R&R. We've seen her brand of snark and know her. She's not so innocent.

I kind of feel bad for the "friend" who fed her information.... not really... she deserves what she gets. I just hope she figured out Elizabeth can't be trusted.

What are you talking about? When did I do that? When I left that group I never looked back, never posted about anything said there, and haven't given it much thought. Are you sure you are even talking about me???

Like ...for real... what are you talking about Grim? Something is not right here.

~E

Wow.. just wow. I know your memory isn't that short. You know exactly what I am referring to. Your version of "leaving the group" is vastly different from what the majority of the group remembers. I would elaborate, but R&R is private and I would not betray another member of our group. Nice try though.

You can try to rewrite history, but there are a lot of people *****member it well.

If you can't point to a public post then... maybe I didn't post anything publicly. Ergo... Still not sure what you are suggesting I posted publicly.

Do I even know you? I don't recall your handle. Are you new?

~Elizabeth

Been here on OH since 2007. I'm a 31 year WLS vet... and maintaining my weight.