Boyfriend told me it was nice knowing me and that he would miss me.....

We have been together for almost 10 years.  Been though thick and thin. 

Well last night I logged and and showed him some pics of people that were about my current size before and where they are after.  He got really quite and said well it was nice knowing you....
I didn't understand at first and kinda blew what he was saying off and then he said something to the nature of " I'm really going to miss you"  What !!!  I was like what are you talking about.  He says that I'll end up finding a DR or a lawyer and leave him.  I asked him if he was against the surgary and he said no, that he wanted me to be happy, but that he is going to miss me when I leave.

What the heck.....  I don't even know what to say.  I'm kinda sad to be honest.

I do feel for you. My daughter says I'll find a good man and then I'll kick her out of the house because I am going to look hot! All we can do is try to reassure our love ones that we will still be the same person, just healthier and happier....and as I say to my daughter "I'm going to be around for a very very looooong time and you're not getting rid of me that easily!"

Try to cheer up honey...he'll come around...sounds like he is a little nervous.....

This is going to come across super harsh, but please know it comes from a good place.

Your boyfriend is insecure with himself, and this is his issue NOT yours. He is worried he'll lose you to someone better because he doesn't think he's good enough for you. Sadly, this happens a lot. All you can do is reassure him that you are the same person regardless of your pant size. I can honestly tell you that my core personality has not changed one bit going from a size 22/24W to a size 2. My husband had the same concerns, and I told him, "hell, you're stuck with me regardless of my size". He'll tell you that I'm still the same girl I was at 270lbs, nothing about me has changed except my weight.

Remind him that doctors and lawyers like fat chicks too, so if you wanted to leave him for one of those guys, you would have done it long ago. I've dated plenty of lawyers, bank executives, no doctors, but you get my drift. Weight loss surgery does NOT ruin solid, good relationships/marriages. The insecurities, and rocky relationships suffer when one party chooses to make positives changes in their life via weight loss surgery.

If you're in love with this guy, then YOU know you not going to leave, right? He's just insecure about the changes you're making. He needs reassurance that you're going to be the same person, thin or fat. Is he overweight? Could there be some jealousy, too? If you want to be with this guy, then counseling might be an effective way to get you both through this. Good luck!
Jeni

 I recommend doing counseling.  Not because you have a messed up relationship....but because you don't WANT to have a messed up relationship.

I watched my best friend and her husband struggle a lot because of her surgery.  My husband and I went through it all with them, and so we had some great insight before I started my journey to have surgery.

See, your boyfriend thinks you are sexy now...you may not be the "typical ideal woman" in societies eyes.  He worries that when you fit societies "mold" you won't need him because everyone else will see what he already sees.  

This surgery changes you.  Always always always acknowledge that YOU are changing...for the better but that it will leave some people behind.

Tell him you want him to come with you on this journey so you can share your life together.  Tell him why in great detail you are doing the surgery...your goals, and hopes the weight loss will bring you.  Make sure to focus in on the life you are wanting to build...and how he fits in.  "It will be so great to go hiking with you!"  

I do recommend counseling for both of you.  Mainly for you now....and then add him in.  That way you can understand his fears.  For our friends....my bff started dressing more sexy and got a lot more attention from guys, and this fed his fear.  But she didn't acknowledge that she was changing...she just blamed him.  Just remember, you may feel the same...but you are changing and that changes the dynamic of the relationship as a whole.

Keep him by your side, and rely on him and then he will feel part of the weight loss.  For me....my husband is doing the pre-op diet and everything with me so we are doing this together and losing weight together.  (He can actually lose weight when he tries!)

 But above all of it....remind him your love him because of who he is...not what he looks like.  Just like he loves you for who you are.  That you aren't together because of looks...or money.  By saying you'd leave him for a doctor or a lawyer makes your heart hurt because you aren't in the relationship for money...you are in it for love and only he can provide that for you.

Lol, I've told my bf that he's just gonna have to man up and be stuck with a smokin' hot, trophy wife XD! 

You might want to show him my before and after picture and then tell him, that not only haven't I left or stepped out on my dear husband, but I love and appreciate him more than ever.  He has been there for me every step of this journey and he is my rock.  If your boyfriend is willing to support you, love you and unconditionally be there for you, your relationship will only get stronger.  You will know that he is the one you want to go through life with, if he becomes the whiny, insecure, jealous, selfish person like the ones we read about on this board, then yes, you will want to move on.  Just like any stress and change this has the potential to improve or destroy your relationship.  It is not about your weight loss, but about they way he reacts to it that will make the difference.  You couldn't pull me away from my husband with a crowbar and he doesn't mind having a hot wife one bit. 

Without knowing the 2 of you it's hard to say. But I would speculate that he's also a bit overweight and he's feeling insecure about your impending weight loss. He sees you in the future in his mind and he sees himself unchanged and somehow you two don't match any longer. He also seems to feel that your only with him because your overweight. What he's really saying is as soon as you lose weight and start getting more attention from other men you will toss him out like yesterdays news. His fears may be unfounded in your mind but the reality is that it does happen (there are several examples of this exact scenario happening with people here on this forum).
Communication is the key, as in any relationship. I'm wishing you all the best... Craig

To me he sounds like he is insecure in your relationship. I think you guys need to go to some form of couseling and maybe talk out your feelings. I know my husband was totally worried about the same issues....I would leave him. I said I love you through thick and thin....and you loved me when I was "thick" and you will love me when I am "thin". He got a really good laugh and his attitude has changed. I feel really badly for you but you need to do this for you and only you. It is your health and ultimately your life and happiness.
Hang in there!
Gina