Need ur thoughts!
Hey Everyone!!!!
My Boyfriend and I are close and...he thinks its a bad idea and against me getting the surgery. He says he supports me because I want it. I try and talk about what makes me happy about the surgery and I feel like I get the cold shoulder to the surgery subject. It makes me more nervous about the surgery because I feel like I have no support from him. I try and think tht Im not doing this for him,Im doing this for me and my kids. Now that its getting closer to the date I cant help but think about not having his support through this life changing event. OMG Im going to drive myself crazy.Someone please tell me some good advice or thoughts.Thanks for reading....
My Boyfriend and I are close and...he thinks its a bad idea and against me getting the surgery. He says he supports me because I want it. I try and talk about what makes me happy about the surgery and I feel like I get the cold shoulder to the surgery subject. It makes me more nervous about the surgery because I feel like I have no support from him. I try and think tht Im not doing this for him,Im doing this for me and my kids. Now that its getting closer to the date I cant help but think about not having his support through this life changing event. OMG Im going to drive myself crazy.Someone please tell me some good advice or thoughts.Thanks for reading....
You need to figure out what exactly he doesn't like about the surgery. Some men are scared of losing you, some dont want to lose a food buddy, some may just not want life to be all about you for a while. There's some reason - get to the bottom of it so you can find a solution. If he loves you unconditionally, he should want you to be happy. He's right to be concerned, it wil affect him, but he should be behind you.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200 
85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op
~~~~Alison~~~~~
My husband said he was supportive, but after surgery, it came out that he was angry that I "needed" to have this surgery in order to control my weight. My husband also said AFTER surgery that he was scared to death I was going to have some complication and he would lose me.
When I explained to him that I was doing this surgery for me, so I would feel good in my own skin, and to be a good role model to our daughter, and because HE deserved a wife that he would be proud to have on his arm....he began feeling differently. He now is so supportive and wants to be helpful on this journey. He admitted that he could have done more in the past with helping me be successful with weight loss by keeping sweets out of the house (which he would not) and making sure I had time to exercise. He admitted he was selfish with my time and didn't want me using the hours we were awake together to be taken up with exercise. He wanted me to get up before him and exercise while he was still sleeping.....
He now sees how his behaviors may have contributed to my decision to proceed with surgery.
My advice is to ask him about what his fears are? See if he can put it into words. It's difficult for most men....but push him to think about it and name what is bothering you. It is likely that once you have the surgery and he sees your success, he will be very supportive.
Hang in there. I am 3 weeks out, and haven't regretted a single minute! I KNOW this was the right procedure for me.
When I explained to him that I was doing this surgery for me, so I would feel good in my own skin, and to be a good role model to our daughter, and because HE deserved a wife that he would be proud to have on his arm....he began feeling differently. He now is so supportive and wants to be helpful on this journey. He admitted that he could have done more in the past with helping me be successful with weight loss by keeping sweets out of the house (which he would not) and making sure I had time to exercise. He admitted he was selfish with my time and didn't want me using the hours we were awake together to be taken up with exercise. He wanted me to get up before him and exercise while he was still sleeping.....
He now sees how his behaviors may have contributed to my decision to proceed with surgery.
My advice is to ask him about what his fears are? See if he can put it into words. It's difficult for most men....but push him to think about it and name what is bothering you. It is likely that once you have the surgery and he sees your success, he will be very supportive.
Hang in there. I am 3 weeks out, and haven't regretted a single minute! I KNOW this was the right procedure for me.
HW 232 SW 218 WT when leaving hospital 219.5
Losing the weight usually isn't the big issue. It's being able to keep it off for many of us.
I chose this surgery so I could be around and actually participate in my children's lives. They are 16 yrs, 2 yrs, and 15 mo's.
I want a long, healthy, happy life w/them and my husband. That was my reason.
Now, time to do some soul searching for why you want the surgery and what you hope to gain from the results.
It is a personal decision and we are the only ones who can make it.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Many blessings and best wishes to you,
Susan
P.S. Maybe if you could get him in on some research of the procedure and to go to the seminar or a support group even with you.
I chose this surgery so I could be around and actually participate in my children's lives. They are 16 yrs, 2 yrs, and 15 mo's.
I want a long, healthy, happy life w/them and my husband. That was my reason.
Now, time to do some soul searching for why you want the surgery and what you hope to gain from the results.
It is a personal decision and we are the only ones who can make it.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Many blessings and best wishes to you,
Susan
P.S. Maybe if you could get him in on some research of the procedure and to go to the seminar or a support group even with you.
"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it." William Duran
My dad and my sister were soooooooooooooo against it, and wouldn't talk about it or let me talk about it, the night before they finally at least wished me luck but still voiced there displeasure...
Finally Sunday we had family dinner at my parents house and they saw me eat "normal" food with the family just a rediculously small portion, but they finally said that they can so see a difference in not just my appearance but my attitude towards food and the confidence they saw from me that they hadn't seen in a long time.
SOooooo I think your boyfriend will eventually come around, but dont expect it in the beginning when your hurting because they don't like to see us hurt. Its for you and your children so take everyone elses opinions with a grain of salt.
Finally Sunday we had family dinner at my parents house and they saw me eat "normal" food with the family just a rediculously small portion, but they finally said that they can so see a difference in not just my appearance but my attitude towards food and the confidence they saw from me that they hadn't seen in a long time.
SOooooo I think your boyfriend will eventually come around, but dont expect it in the beginning when your hurting because they don't like to see us hurt. Its for you and your children so take everyone elses opinions with a grain of salt.
Inspiration move me brightly...Grateful Dead Terapin Station
HW 286 SW 279 CW 231 40y/o 5'10 Month 1-17, 2-7#, 3- 7#, 4-3#,5-3#
HW 286 SW 279 CW 231 40y/o 5'10 Month 1-17, 2-7#, 3- 7#, 4-3#,5-3#
My husband supported my decision but he didn't like the idea. I ignored him because number one its my body and my ultimate decision. Now my husband is 100% proud of me. He is so proud of the weight I have lost and not only that part but now I can participate a lot more in the life we used to share together before I got so large. He has a hunting and fishing partner again, a camping partner, we team fish in bass tournaments together again, there is so much more to life for us than me waving goodbye as he leaves to go live it while I sit at home too large to enjoy it....
HI!
I had my surgery last month. When I initially discussed it with my boyfriend , he was VERY against it. We talked about it and the conversation kinda just ended with no resolve. He did not want me to have surgery...period. Well, I had already made up my mind that I wanted to do it and that was my decision to make. I figured if he loved me the way he said he did, he would be there in the end... Well, we never really resolved anything before the surgery. I kept him informed every step of the way and he didn't really say much during those conversations but, he never really does say much...LOL.
Anyway, to my surprise, he was soooo supportive when the surgery actually came around. He was very worried about me. He was there with me at the hospital and has been there and super supportive every day since the surgery. He's just happy for me now and can tell that I'm a much happier person now too. My point is, just because he doesn't agree with you decision doesn't mean that he will not support you through it. He may be distant now but, if this is the man for you, he will come around. If you are sure about your decision, then go for it! and good luck...
I had my surgery last month. When I initially discussed it with my boyfriend , he was VERY against it. We talked about it and the conversation kinda just ended with no resolve. He did not want me to have surgery...period. Well, I had already made up my mind that I wanted to do it and that was my decision to make. I figured if he loved me the way he said he did, he would be there in the end... Well, we never really resolved anything before the surgery. I kept him informed every step of the way and he didn't really say much during those conversations but, he never really does say much...LOL.
Anyway, to my surprise, he was soooo supportive when the surgery actually came around. He was very worried about me. He was there with me at the hospital and has been there and super supportive every day since the surgery. He's just happy for me now and can tell that I'm a much happier person now too. My point is, just because he doesn't agree with you decision doesn't mean that he will not support you through it. He may be distant now but, if this is the man for you, he will come around. If you are sure about your decision, then go for it! and good luck...
All the above posters have some really valid points and offer some great advice. I'm going to play devil's advocate here and show you another side to this debate. Some men are just down-right threatened by beautiful, thin women. Some men like bigger women. And, some men have very valid reasons to be concerned that once the weight is off, the woman will leave. That has happened, time and time again. I just read on these boards last week about another woman who ended her marriage because her husband couldn't handle her success. You need to be prepared for this very thing. You need to actually bring it out into the open and discuss these fears with your boyfriend. If he really loves you then he will want you to be healthier and happier.
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