im one week away from surgey and getting cold feet

needing incouragement!!!  im freaking out.. i have thought this is what i wanted and now that the time is here im wondering if this is what i want to really live with the rest of my life? i wonder if i will ever enjoy food agian or if im going to be misserable. i think all the time that im making a mistake that i will regret it ans think why did i do this to my self? come on sleevers is it going to be that bad afterwards? will i regret it? what will it be like?

Other than the obvious, losing weight and getting healthy, the best thing about this surgery for me is that I could honestly care less about enjoying food and I'm very happy about that. The only time food is on my mind is when it is my scheduled time to eat. It's really true that you will eat to live and not live to eat. It may sound scary to you, but it is an amazing feeling and you will not regret it.

I haven't been sleeved yet. I'm due to be sleeved on the 19th. However I understand all about second thoughts and reservations. I understand how scary the VERY thought of permenantly removing approx 80% of my stomach. The thought of never waking up from surgery. The thought of only 2-4ozs of food at a time for the rest of my life. The thought of something going wrong after surgery (blood clots) and my 6 year old daughter not having a mother anymore. I think about all the times I've been successful with weight loss, only to have gained it all back and then some.

On the other hand, I KNOW this is the right choice for so many different reasons. It's not just about being thin. It's about my father dying at the age of 40 (I'm 35 now and I was 7 when he passed) from morbid obesity, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure and many other reasons. I think about my mother who is also obese and has rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, PCOS (like I have) a survivor of stage 4 breast cancer, among many other health issues. I think about how in the mornings when I get out of bed, my joints hurt so much I can barely move. I think about how I hate looking myself in the mirror when I get dressed. I think about how I used to LOVE to go to the gym and work out but I'm embarrassed to go know because of my size and I MISS it so much. I think about the constant ringing in my ears and my pseudo tumor cerebi. I think about how I want to not only be around for my beautiful daughter, but how I want to be a healthy role model for her. I don't want to die from overweight. I don't want her to continue to watch me eat HUGE meals and think thats okay. Because that is how I was raised. We've all probably been apart of the clean our plate club.

I'm killing myself slowly day by day with all of the weight I have on my body. I've researched this surgery over and over again. I know the risks. When I start to get scared about the risks, I think about how i'm MORE at risk right NOW then I would ever be in surgery. I'm done feeling ashamed of what I look like. I'm done with the YO-YO. I'm ready to be reborn again.

I know this is scary for you. But how much scarer would it be if you DIDN"T have it done? As you can tell, my reply was not only for you, but for myself as well. God Bless you and I'll be praying for both of us and the many others who are having surgery soon!!

All the best,
Tonya

 ^^^
I could've wrote your exact post down to having surgery on December 19 too! haha.  I have all those fears. I also fear though that I won't be successful. I think about not a year or two years from now but 10 or 20 years from now, will I gain it back? Both my parents have suffered with obesity related illnesses. My father died (not from obesity itself) but his obesity and bad eating all those years contributed. My mom's health has deteriorated and she still is dealing with obesity even in her 60s.

But like you, I know I ultimately have to do this. At least this will give me a chance to get my life and health back on track.  I'm more scared of not doing this. I'm scared that instead of being 320, a few years from now I'll be 400. Right now there's nothing stopping me from going on that track. I think the VSG will at least be a physical barrier to extreme binging, and then I plan to supplement it with counseling and therapy.

 Dang Gregg,

I could have written your post- same surgery date, same weight, same worry about hitting 400, both parents are deceased from related issues... I agree that it is going to be very difficult, but so much better to be proactive about this.  

For the orignnal post- I was happy to get the date, and that followed immediately by being a little freaked out.  I have kids at home that I want to be home with, and the thought that I could be possibly compromising that  is a little scary.  In the end, I trust my docter.  I have faith.  I have a supportive family, so I have to believe I am making the right choice.  

I looked at skis today- something that I dearly miss in my obsese state.  My goal as of today is to lose the weight and work out so that by this time next year I can be on the slopes.  Try to think about how your life will change in a POSITIVE direction and perhaps that will help- it helps me :)

 Well my sleeve sister at least we know we will have each other and that there is SOMEONE in the world who understands what we are going through and why we are doing it.

I can't wait to get my VSG and have that barrier that I can't bing anymore.  The day I started looking into WLS I also started looking into couseling.  I've found a great therapist and it really does help a lot.  Sometimes its great to be able to just voice my thoughts to someone so they can get out of my head and I don't eat of those emotions.  I would highly suggest a therapist, it does wonders!

Good Luck!

It's very normal to have these feelings before surgery, especially the closer to surgery you get.

Yes, you will be able to enjoy food again, though in a different way and with MUCH smaller portions.  Will it be that bad after surgery?  Meh, the first few days or weeks can be tough, but once you get to regular foods and settle into your new eating habits, it's awesome!

It's one of the best decisions I've ever made!

Hi Roxy,  I think how you feel is really normal.  I had that moment too.  It's been almost 6 months for me.  Not only am I living with it, I love how I live with it!  For example, I went to Disneyland yesterday.  My last trip prior to surgery, I skipped rides I thought I wouldn't fit into, I was bruised on both hips from struggling to get into rides and worried about my niece and nephew really being safe riding with me at 275lbs with the safety bars open enough to fit me. My back ached all day and I was dreading every pic!  This time I felt so different!  No pain, except for achy shoulders, but that was after midnight and we got to the park at 10am.  I had no worries about fitting into rides at 198lbs.  Food was no issue.  I drank a protein shake on the way there and bottled water is easily available throughout the park.  I also brought protein bars with me.  I met my protein requirements easily.  I chose restaurants with healthy options for meals and really felt great all day.  I went on every ride I wanted to without a worry!  So I went on and on but that is what one day after VSG is like!  Life is so much more easy to live for me now.  The week after surgery can be a drag, Pain is a different experience for everyone.  I was surprised at how easy my recovery was, especially once the drain was removed.  I did have an "OMG What have I done moment"  the first night after surgery  but that was soon replaced by sheer joy st how well I have felt since the surgery.  Good luck to you!   It's really worth it!

 To those of you feeling scared and having second thoughts - Its perfectly normal and Okay.  I recently had my sleeve done and it was my first surgery ever.  The scariest part for me was when I was in the pre-op room, alone, hooked up to an IV and waiting.

It was over before I knew it.  The last thing I remember was being shifted onto the table and the nurse putting the arm rests under me.  I woke up what felt like a second later in the recovery room.  I wasn't in pain.  I had a scratchy throat from the tubes, and annoyance at the foley.  In fact that is the first thought I remember "Damn he foley'd me".  I looked at the clock over the nurses station and realized that almost an hour and half had passed.

Life after surgery has been an amazing journey so far.  I have only had minor discomfort, kind of like a bruise healing, at the incision sites.  My incisions look like cat scratches on my stomach.  I am feeling better every day.  It has been 5 weeks since surgery and I am down 43 lbs as of this morning.  I know it will slow down, but I really hope not that much.

As for eating after surgery and enjoying food, the surgery will not stop that.  What you will enjoy is less food and different foods.  Everyone before surgery has told me that my tastes would change, and they have.  I simply adore foods that I would not have touched with a 10 foot pole before surgery.  The first soft food I had when I got to Stage III after surgery was cottage cheese, and it tasted like manna from heaven.  I still think Turkey is best left to grazing openly, but I enjoy boca vegan patties, and grilled chicken like never before.  The surgery and the liquid diets both before and after have helped reset my tastes and now I can enjoy a wider variety of things.

Health wise, the surgery was a God send.  I was in a not so slow downward spiral before surgery.  I was take 120 units of insulin a day, 1.8 mg of Victoza, 500 mg of Metformin and my blood sugar was still not under control.  I would go through a months supply in under two weeks.  I was tired and slow and probably would have been dead in 5 years.  After surgery, I have more energy that I think I even had at 21.  I feel better that I can remember feeling in years.  My blood sugar is now completely under control.  I haven't had a single dose of any of my Diabetic Meds in over a month.  

I would encourage you both to acknowledge your fears. express them to all of those you have for support, and move past them.  Discuss concerns in support groups and with your surgeons.  Recognize that this is a scary process.  Abopve all of that, remember that this is somethingthat you are doing for yourself and the people who love you so that you can fully enjoy the life you have with them.

I totally agree with rainsong.  I am scheduled for 12/19 and have the same fears.  The board has been great in answering my many questions, even ones that I never thought of.  Best of luck and a speedy recovery