xpost-Goal Weight -long...sorry
Hi all,
This is a cross post from another board. I understood this morning after seeing some of the responses to my post that my feelings/concerns/issues are hardly unique. Knowing that, I'm hoping that this post might be of benefit for some of you - especially as you approach your goal weight.
Here goes:
This is a difficult post for me to write. After much thought, deliberation, wrestling with some pretty heavy emotions about giving up and failure I have decided to adjust my goal weight. I quietly adjusted my ticker up two pounds this morning, but have since done more thinking and will be adjusting it up another two pounds.
If I choose to look honestly at myself and my body I am in my “goal range" (a new phrase I learned from a friend here on OH). At my annual physical just about two weeks ago my PCP commented that my body seems to be showing signs of settling in at a good weight. (BTW, my PCP is very supportive of my WLS and is the one who suggested it and helped fast track me through the system.) My health is now considered excellent for my age. All of my co-morbidities have resolved, I no longer take any medications (just a plethora of vitamin pills), my body fat is below 20%, and as the doctor said, I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - meaning I’m basically more fit than most men my age (a big switch from a year ago when I was fatter and more unhealthy than 95% of the men my age!).
I had chosen a number on the scale, 166 pounds, that meant something to me as my goal weight. 166 pounds was my goal weight when I lost some weight in my mid twenties on Weigh****chers. I felt very good at that weight and even went down to 163 for a while. It was very hard for me to maintain that weight.
When I started this WLS journey I didn’t have a set goal weight in mind, but knew that if I could get below 175 I’d be happy. Only when it came time to put a goal weight on my ticker did I choose 166. It was in that moment I decided to go all the way. So to speak, I decided to “Go for the Gold". Why not, right?
I started this time at 268 pounds and was 260 at my initial consultation. As I hit 190 pounds and continued down to 185 people began to ask if I was “done". When I met a bunch of OH people in May at the Nor Cal Meet Up several people commented that I must be very close to goal, if not there already. I weighed 182 that day. I’m down between 172 and 174 most days the past two weeks.
Because of my regular exercise I believe I’m distributing weight differently now than when I was 26. I have more upper body muscle and far less fat on my upper body and legs than I did at 26. I am wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was 26 -possibly a bit smaller even though I weigh a bit more. My suit jackets were always a 42 and now I wear a 40 slim fit. (I had my old 42 from years ago and it was indeed a bit large. I donated it.)
Illogical as it is, I am struggling with feelings of failure for choosing not to reach my ultimate, pie in the sky weight goal. I am choosing to not lose 4 pounds. I’ve lost 96 pounds for heaven’s sake and I’m feeling like a failure for not losing 4 little pounds? This is a clear example of some of the “stinking thinking" that I can get into. I also stand in front of the mirror every morning and see where the fat hasn’t melted away yet. I see the sagging butt, the tiny bit of belly fat left and think “FAT". My legs are still too thick and short. Basically, I suffer from body dysmorphia. I think many of us do.
With counsel from several vets, though one in particular, on the VSG board I have come to understand that my goal weight is not a permanent, etched in stone, number. It is flexible and moveable and now, with VSG, completely in my control. I also understand that there is more to measure my success than the number displayed on the scale. I am able to measure my body composition. I am able to track my increased strength and fitness. I am able to monitor my clothing sizes. I can walk up hills and climb flights of stairs. Shoot, I can “jog" 5 miles on the elliptical trainer in a freaking hour now. Last year I could not walk 1/4 mile without major pain and huffing and puffing.
So, I stand before you, here in cyber space, stating that my new goal weight is 170 pounds. I still have a couple of pounds to lose to get there and I will. As I type the end of this post, it is dawning on me that as the weight loss part of my journey is nearing its end, the emotional growth and rebirth part is really just beginning. I am overwhelmed and overjoyed, and yet, terribly frightened of the months ahead.
Thank you to all of you who have become my friends and have held my hand along this journey. I will still be needing you all in the coming months.
This is a cross post from another board. I understood this morning after seeing some of the responses to my post that my feelings/concerns/issues are hardly unique. Knowing that, I'm hoping that this post might be of benefit for some of you - especially as you approach your goal weight.
Here goes:
This is a difficult post for me to write. After much thought, deliberation, wrestling with some pretty heavy emotions about giving up and failure I have decided to adjust my goal weight. I quietly adjusted my ticker up two pounds this morning, but have since done more thinking and will be adjusting it up another two pounds.
If I choose to look honestly at myself and my body I am in my “goal range" (a new phrase I learned from a friend here on OH). At my annual physical just about two weeks ago my PCP commented that my body seems to be showing signs of settling in at a good weight. (BTW, my PCP is very supportive of my WLS and is the one who suggested it and helped fast track me through the system.) My health is now considered excellent for my age. All of my co-morbidities have resolved, I no longer take any medications (just a plethora of vitamin pills), my body fat is below 20%, and as the doctor said, I’ve gone from one end of the spectrum to the other - meaning I’m basically more fit than most men my age (a big switch from a year ago when I was fatter and more unhealthy than 95% of the men my age!).
I had chosen a number on the scale, 166 pounds, that meant something to me as my goal weight. 166 pounds was my goal weight when I lost some weight in my mid twenties on Weigh****chers. I felt very good at that weight and even went down to 163 for a while. It was very hard for me to maintain that weight.
When I started this WLS journey I didn’t have a set goal weight in mind, but knew that if I could get below 175 I’d be happy. Only when it came time to put a goal weight on my ticker did I choose 166. It was in that moment I decided to go all the way. So to speak, I decided to “Go for the Gold". Why not, right?
I started this time at 268 pounds and was 260 at my initial consultation. As I hit 190 pounds and continued down to 185 people began to ask if I was “done". When I met a bunch of OH people in May at the Nor Cal Meet Up several people commented that I must be very close to goal, if not there already. I weighed 182 that day. I’m down between 172 and 174 most days the past two weeks.
Because of my regular exercise I believe I’m distributing weight differently now than when I was 26. I have more upper body muscle and far less fat on my upper body and legs than I did at 26. I am wearing the same size clothes as I did when I was 26 -possibly a bit smaller even though I weigh a bit more. My suit jackets were always a 42 and now I wear a 40 slim fit. (I had my old 42 from years ago and it was indeed a bit large. I donated it.)
Illogical as it is, I am struggling with feelings of failure for choosing not to reach my ultimate, pie in the sky weight goal. I am choosing to not lose 4 pounds. I’ve lost 96 pounds for heaven’s sake and I’m feeling like a failure for not losing 4 little pounds? This is a clear example of some of the “stinking thinking" that I can get into. I also stand in front of the mirror every morning and see where the fat hasn’t melted away yet. I see the sagging butt, the tiny bit of belly fat left and think “FAT". My legs are still too thick and short. Basically, I suffer from body dysmorphia. I think many of us do.
With counsel from several vets, though one in particular, on the VSG board I have come to understand that my goal weight is not a permanent, etched in stone, number. It is flexible and moveable and now, with VSG, completely in my control. I also understand that there is more to measure my success than the number displayed on the scale. I am able to measure my body composition. I am able to track my increased strength and fitness. I am able to monitor my clothing sizes. I can walk up hills and climb flights of stairs. Shoot, I can “jog" 5 miles on the elliptical trainer in a freaking hour now. Last year I could not walk 1/4 mile without major pain and huffing and puffing.
So, I stand before you, here in cyber space, stating that my new goal weight is 170 pounds. I still have a couple of pounds to lose to get there and I will. As I type the end of this post, it is dawning on me that as the weight loss part of my journey is nearing its end, the emotional growth and rebirth part is really just beginning. I am overwhelmed and overjoyed, and yet, terribly frightened of the months ahead.
Thank you to all of you who have become my friends and have held my hand along this journey. I will still be needing you all in the coming months.
What a great post....sometimes we just need to adjust our "old" thoughts to match our new reality--truth is, the reality of who you have become now far outweighs that old number. I think that all of the thoughts and emotions that you have put into this decision shows such growth.
I think that your success is guaged on how far you have come. Look at what you can do now! That friggin' rocks! I look up to you for all that you have accomplished in this journey.
So you've adjusted your number by a few pounds....well, you have been, and continue to be, an inspiration to not only me, but many here and that surely counts for something!
I think that your success is guaged on how far you have come. Look at what you can do now! That friggin' rocks! I look up to you for all that you have accomplished in this journey.
So you've adjusted your number by a few pounds....well, you have been, and continue to be, an inspiration to not only me, but many here and that surely counts for something!
What a fantastic post. Thankyou so much for sharing. I'm not near goal yet but I often wonder if my 130 goal is a bit "pie in the sky" as well. I've decided it's definitely written in pencil and may just change when I get there. Right now my fitness goals are more important than the number anyway.
HW: 270 SW: 234.4 CW: 135.0 1stGW:149 (GOAL MET)afreshstart-hreneeh.blogspot.com/
1st 5k: 5/12/12 44:55 PR 4miles: 12/31/2012 35:49
Hey, I'm with you on the fitness. It's been pretty significant in my journey these last 4+ months! You'll just have to see what "fits" your body as you get down near your goal. That's what I had to do. Two months ago I was hell bent on getting to the number goal. Once I got here, it started to feel right and I did my best to see myself through the eyes of others - now that's hard, but worth trying to do.
More importantly, I hope all is well with your husband.
More importantly, I hope all is well with your husband.
Hi Kairk,
What s wonderful, thought-provoking post. You said it and are spot-on: you are choosing not to reach your "ultimate, pie-in-the-sky weight goal." Choosing being the optimum word. And what is choice? It's a decision/solution made at the moment to achieve a goal. It's not cast in stone. You are a very smart man and know you can rethink this at a later time.........if you change your mind later, great. If not, that's great, too.
Believe me, I'm all about numbers - was in my working life, always have been in my personal life. If the numbers don't add up, I'm all frizzy-wigged and not able to cope until I find the errors or missing data or find that elusive penny that won't let me balance my checkbook. Yep, a little OCD here. You are letting go of something that seems to have had a bit of control over you. I think that's great. It can be a part of the new you A couple of days ago, you told me about reinventing myself. Now you are looking at reinventing yourself as the "maintenance Kairk" and that's got to be very scary -- but also very freeing and exciting. And for what it's worth, I'm a big fan of numbers ending in 0 or 5 -- makes head math sooooo much easier!
I'm so excited for you..........your journey has been such an inspiration for me and so many others.........I thank you for that. If you need a hand to hold along the way, mine is usually free of jelly smears and french fry grease, so I offer it should you need it!
Ree
What s wonderful, thought-provoking post. You said it and are spot-on: you are choosing not to reach your "ultimate, pie-in-the-sky weight goal." Choosing being the optimum word. And what is choice? It's a decision/solution made at the moment to achieve a goal. It's not cast in stone. You are a very smart man and know you can rethink this at a later time.........if you change your mind later, great. If not, that's great, too.
Believe me, I'm all about numbers - was in my working life, always have been in my personal life. If the numbers don't add up, I'm all frizzy-wigged and not able to cope until I find the errors or missing data or find that elusive penny that won't let me balance my checkbook. Yep, a little OCD here. You are letting go of something that seems to have had a bit of control over you. I think that's great. It can be a part of the new you A couple of days ago, you told me about reinventing myself. Now you are looking at reinventing yourself as the "maintenance Kairk" and that's got to be very scary -- but also very freeing and exciting. And for what it's worth, I'm a big fan of numbers ending in 0 or 5 -- makes head math sooooo much easier!
I'm so excited for you..........your journey has been such an inspiration for me and so many others.........I thank you for that. If you need a hand to hold along the way, mine is usually free of jelly smears and french fry grease, so I offer it should you need it!
Ree
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