In dire need of help!

Hello all,

I am new to this site, today is actually my first day here. I was referred by another member.

I had my V.G.S. surgery on 2/9/15. I dropped 60 lbs on my own prior to the surgery. I stepped on the scale today only to discover that I have gained 8 lbs. I am 186.6. I am under an enormous amount of stress right now, working, being a full time student and ending a new relationship. I eat when I experience overly strong emotions. It doesn't matter what the emotion is if it is too intense I eat. I've been an emotional eater since age 6 and have tried everything under the sun to control the behavior up to an including wearing and popping a rubber band, NOTHING seems to help.

I did so well at the beginning of my journey I followed the program to the letter and things went very well and the weight dropped easily. Now, I have been stuck at 183 for almost 3 months, I then began school and life happened.  I chew gum so much I look like I have a cud. I am very frustrated with myself and my lack-luster performance handling my stress. I have been told I am being "too hard" on myself. This from someone who doesn't know this struggle with weight we all experience. I was so hyper-vigilant about what I put into my mouth at one point. I was succeeding and I was happier than I had been in over a decade. Now, I am failing at this and need support. I cannot find an active support group that meets in my area. My surgeon's office holds meetings however; between my job and school I have no time to attend (it is literally the other end of the city).

I am bored with my current list of stand-by recipes and am not sure where to go to find flavorful, low-calorie, low or no-carb meals that are simple to make ahead (preferably) that can be frozen, thawed/reheated with little to no muss or fuss. I am in school 3 days per week 15 hrs and I work a job. I do not have a lot of time to slave over a stove nightly to make a meal and to be honest now that I can chew my food (again) I really have no desire to return to "drinking" my meals. I love to cook and am willing to try ALMOST anything. I do not eat pork nor okra other than that I am willing to give it a try. 

PLEASE HELP!

I can't answer in detail, right now (on the way to a long meeting), but I will later. There is hope. You are NOT A FAILURE! there are some ways to get through this and get you back on track. Hold tight! 

you should ind a good therapist, you need help with your eating disorder 

Eggface's blog has a ton of great WLS-friendly meal ideas, lots of them can be frozen or don't take a lot of cooking. So much good stuff!

If you're struggling with the emotional side of things, it may be helpful to speak to a counselor (if you can find time in your schedule). Sometimes working with a professional who can give an outside opinion can be a big help.

Make sure you're logging EVERYTHING you eat, even if it's something "bad." Carry a water bottle at all times and drink drink drink! And do what you can to fit a little bit of exercise in, even if it's just taking a quick walk between classes.

For what it's worth, you are doing the right thing! You are acknowledging that you're having a tough time and coming here for help before things get really out of hand!!

I know that going back to basics is always the first recommendation made when people are having stalls for a while - making sure you track ALL your food, get a minimum of 60-70g protein a day, 8 cups of water, scale back on carbs, etc. For me, Pinterest is a wonderful, wonderful source of low-carb make-ahead meals. You can search for those terms and come up with loads and loads of results. If you're on Facebook, the group "Rock's Kitchen" also has a ton of people sharing bariatric-friendly recipes (the group is primarily for WLS support and eating). 

Most importantly of all - you CAN do this! When I started this journey, I was also working full-time along with going to graduate school full-time. Meal prep is such a time saver and so many recipes freeze well. For example, every Sunday night, I make a batch of these for the week (for breakfast): Bacon and Egg Cups. You don't have to use pork bacon, OR can use sausage, etc. Then I make some sort of protein like chicken breasts, steak, or even a large batch of tuna salad or some sort of casserole (this one freezes really well). I also sometimes hard boil a few eggs for egg salad, deviled eggs, or even just as a snack. I have become the queen of one-pot, quick dinners that you leave in the oven and forget about (here's another favorite). 

Just takes some advanced planning and creativity. I have a meal-plan notebook that I jot the week's plans in and it helps me also stay to a budget etc. The internet is such an amazing resource of recipe ideas, too. You can definitely, definitely do this!!! 

FuturePinUp,

Thank you so much I will look into my make ahead meals. I will grab a planner/notebook and begin to write things down. It is a great accountability tool and budget guide. I have several small privately owned fruit and veggie stands in my area (walking distance). I will use your suggestions to make my life simpler. I will also check out the sites you suggested.

Thank you

HW 297, CW 183.2, Surgery Date 2/9/15

Wait for kairk's reply. It will be worth it.

psychoticparrot

Keeping my word, here! 

I'm going to tell you a very hard lesson I had to learn - and I do mean the hard way: Life happens. Life will always happen. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it from happening. What you can control, however, is how you react to what is happening around you and to you. 

I see a lot of myself in your post. I am a person who has used food to cope with emotions - whether they were good or bad, positive or negative, celebratory or consolatory, etc... Food is my culture. I get it. I know how to use it. Food has meaning to me. I have had a strong and sympathetic relationship with food for about 46 years. (Like you, my use of food as a coping tool began at about age 6.)

You sound as if you might possibly suffer from "All or Nothing" thinking. This is very typical "Diet" thinking. Either you're on track/program/plan being GOOD or you are off track and therefore you are being BAD. No matter how hard it is, you have to abandon that type of thinking. It will keep you in the cycle you are currently stuck in. I'm guessing you will have a few "good days" (probably 3 in a row), then your conviction wanes, something comes up, and you cheat, you beat yourself up, and you give up for a while only to start a new when you get fed up with your eating behaviors. Does this sound familiar? I'm hoping it doesn't, but I have a sneaking suspicion it does. 

You will have to decide what losing more weight means to you. You'll have to figure out what the value of losing weight really is. I'm talking down in the depths of your being type of value. You're in a stuck phase. If you know the true reasons behind your desire to lose weight, you will be more likely to get back on the weight loss track. Your reasons must be honest. They can be as simple as wanting to look good, sexy, attractive, etc.... those are very valid and honest reasons. Your reasons don't have to be about health, physical fitness, getting pregnant, and those more "acceptable" reasons. Be true to yourself. Be honest. When you figure it out then decide if it's worth it for you to lose more weight. If the answer is no, that's okay. Really. If it is worth it to you, though, what are you going to do to start that path again.

You will need a plan. You might need a new plan than the one you followed before. I don't mean food plan, I mean a plan that helps you stay on track. You say you don't have time/energy to cook most nights. Maybe you can have a prep day on the weekend and get meals done for the week ahead. I usually have about 3 days worth of lunches ready to put together to help me out and save me time. Planning ahead will need to become a priority - end of subject.

Knowing what you eat  - protein, calories, carbs - is essential. No skipping this step. You MUST WEIGH, MEASURE, and TRACK everything you eat. To be successful you've got to do this. We, the obese, have a warped sense of portion. After 4 years I am finally getting reliable in my estimations, but I still measure EVERYTHING because I'm on a weight loss path. This is non negotiable to get back on the path you wish to follow. 

Identifying trigger foods is a good idea. I have to stay away from sugar - big time. Baked goods and ice cream can throw me into a downward spiral. It has happened so many times, that now I remind myself of what will happen should I indulge without thought or planning. Rarely is a cookie worth the cravings it will trigger for the rest of the day. What are yours? What happens when you eat them? Do you understand that an obese person's leptin response is usually faulty? The faulty leptin response will cause us to over eat because we aren't getting the signal that we are actually full. Refined carbs and foods high in sugar can really mess with a person's leptin response. Fat Chance by Robert Lustig is a great book to help you understand the biology behind obesity. 

Disordered eating comes in many forms. Using food to cope with emotions is one type of disordered eating. You may want to consider at some point finding ways to get your disordered eating into the light and begin working with it, rather than against it. It does help to understand the purpose your disordered eating serves. I found that mine really didn't serve its purpose any longer. Sometimes it does serve a purpose, but usually it's an old tape playing. I've had to learn the difference. It has taken me time, but it's worth it. You can read self help books, join a support group, or try therapy. Sometimes a nutritional counselor can be a good fit. 

Most importantly -  YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are experiencing a bump or dip or detour in your path. Many people have been exactly where you are today. I have been. This is a life long journey. Sometimes it goes along swimmingly. Other times it's rough going. Try to consider this a learning time. We learn much more from our mistakes than we do from doing something easily. You have a fantastic opportunity to learn more about yourself, your eating behaviors and how food enhances or disrupts your life (it does both!). 

You are not weak. You are in control. You have choices. Decide what is best for you. You know how to lose weight. Your issue is deeper and more meaningful than learning new recipes or simply going back to basics.

The next chapter is yours to write.  

Great post Kairk..... maybe your best yet !!!!

Like poetry !!!

frisco

This!  I want to print this out and leave copies in places so I can find it and remember it.  Perfectly written!