Body Image/self esteem

Does anyone else struggle with body image or self esteem issues? I have been fat almost my entire life and everyone says that I am not anymore but I look at myself and think that I am still huge. My tummy is flabby and pudgey and it makes me sick. And I feel so ugly! I see my counseler regularly but she is just no help in this area. I just feel so gross. Has anyone else struggled with this and if so how did you get through it.

Well I AM still obese, but don't know what it is like to not be since I have always been heavy. I know you mentioned seeing a counselor, but does she specialize in weight issues? I know you can find therapists that do, and that might be of value to you to help wrap your brain around your new body.

Well... a post WLS body looks fat because of the skin.  Some - very few IMO- are LUCKY with their gentics and end up with very little sag and I wish that was my case!!

I am only 5 ft tall so my shortness makes me feel fatter!!  I wear a size 4 or 6 in womens bottoms but 9 in juniors bottoms womens med or small top and jrs med or large top.

A was looking through someones camera and saw a photo of me and said "oh wow I look skinny here" My husband and friend said in unison "you are skinny!" - that was 1.5 yrs out of wls pre plastics.  Now I am 2 yrs out 5 months  post TT and I still have fat days -it is something time helps with as our heads need to catch up to the lost weight.

For me, getting a tummy tuck was the only thing that helped me get past my skin blob and think that I look thinner - not skinny but thinner. I have flabby arms and thighs - I need to get back to the gym to help that as I will not have plastics on my arms or thighs.  My bum could use a lift from the gym as well!!

I could look like Heidi Klum and still find areas I need to fix!!!

I agree, you may want to find a therapist that specializes in WLS or body dismorphic disorder. Not that you have DD, but those therapists are more sensitive to body image issues. Have you tried getting a make over? Some times a personal shopper at a major department store can help you find clothing you never thought you could wear and it makes you feel great. Skirts instead of jeans, dresses instead of slacks. Maybe a new hair style or new hair color; new make up - it makes you feel great. Get rid of all your old clothes can help get the "fat person" out of your head too. I've done that. Wearing the same clothes disguised my weight loss so I still felt fat. Got rid of all of that even though I could have worn some of it for an other month or so. Said good bye to the old me and "hello honey" to the new me. You have been through a great struggle to get where you are and you deserve to feel good about yourself. Tell yourself everyday how much better you feel, how great you look. Focus on your features that you love, your eyes, your skin, your feet or legs, your newly visible collar bones..find ways to highlight those and feel good about you. You are alive and healthier. Take care.

You might need a new therapist.  Your self esteem should come from who you are inside, your core values, not how you look. 

When your self esteem depends on how you look, you will never be 'good enough' in your own eyes.

I could not have put it more eloquently!!!! Very well said!

I cannot relate, but I offer some suggestions.  I was one of those people that early on in life decided to love me for me and the hell with the rest of the world.  And yes, I was overweight/obese most of my adult life.  I always had a ton of self confidence and self esteem.  Still do! 

The only thing I can offer is to suggest daily affirmations.  Force yourself every day to write down 3 things you like about yourself.  And carry it with you and read it often during the day, especially when you get down on yourself.  Force yourself to focus on something you like about your appearance every time you look in the mirror....you must at least like SOMETHING right?  Your hair, feet, hands, eyes--whatever it is, look at that first.

Love for yourself has to come from within.  The outside is just a shell.  Fat or thin, make this journey about health and well being.  Are you exercising?  Endorphins make you happier, so if you aren't, get out and "bust a sweat"!  Toned muscles will make your skin look better.

Even if you opt for plastics after WLS, you will still find problems with yourself if you do not conquer this issue.  I applaud you for reaching out for help and I wish you much success.  You are beautiful!  I hope you can one day see it--YOU deserve to be loved and admired by THE most important person in the world.....Y O U.

Kim

Hi W,

I've struggled with this since WAY before the surgery.

You see, I was not always obese.  When a physical injury prevented me from continuing my athletic pursuits, my mind simply negated what the mirror reflected.

I wish I could say that this was resolved once, I had RNY and got back to goal weight. It did not.

As you know the weight distribution is different.  Pretty much everything that I had once felt very proud about (my arms, chest, abs, butt [yes, I had a great one...or so I was told often, I was a gymnast] legs...and EVEN my HAIR) had been taken away from me...even the return to working out did not get rid of the excess skin.

I don't think that this is vanity necesarily. I worked very hard to have the body that I did before I was obese.  It was like working towards a degree, and then, you wake up 10 years later and the knowledge or ability is gone...you have the memories of it, but not the factual .....uh, thing.

So how do we resolve this?

We accept what is. We learn to treasure it. We change our perspective (in our minds).  Simple, not easy.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about this very thing, and I walked to the mirror and looked at mybody (notice that I did not say myself).

Its still beautiful, but in a different way. It wears the scars of battles fought, lost, won, etc.

I'm 38 and feel at times like I'm having a mid-life crisis.  As for my body.  it is the vehicle that carries me in this one lifetime.

I'm a guy and we like cars: So here's the analogy.  I used to be a Ferrari, that became a station wagon, that is now a....Smart (electric hybrid) car.  hey,  Its a great car, just for different reasons.

NOW, about you.   I hear you saying that you used to be a soccer-mom van, and are now a what?
I'd say you're like a hot, sporty, red, convertible. Cool!

And if everynow and then as you're driving around town you see a reflection of a van, think, ah yes, I still have all that carrying power within me, but now, I'm built for speed! 

Feel free to step on the accelerator just to hear the engine roar...mine still does.

;-)