being noticed: cant handle it

Yes, I am with a personal trnr 3x week and on my own 2-3x a week. I have a very bad ankle that makes walking difficult. But appropos of that, getting noticed doesn't spur me on AT ALL. It does freak me out and scares the expletive deleted out of me.

Am going to reply to all...but wanted to clarify this for you.

You're right @ salt content and I will def. tone it down today.

Thanks

It was/is very clear that you are afraid of being noticed.  Fear is not a good thing.  What I meant to say was take the complements with the positive intention that they were given.  You don't need to offer any more information to anyone, just say thank you.  If you want to get over your fear, you will have to let it go.  You will feel so much better if you do.  99% of anything we fear never comes to pass.

Weight loss surgery and weight loss requires so much emotional adjustment- early out is the hardest. I went through boxes of kleenex with the crying and grieving I did, binged a couple of times, too.

Are you seeing a cognitive behavioral or someone who specializes with weight and food issues for a therapist? It can help a lot if you are seeing the right person. My recommendation is that if the person you are seeing isn't helpful, find someone else.

You will get through this, and things will get better, I promise! Early on after surgery can be so tough.

((((hug))))

She's nuts. She's into new age and rather eclectic in her approach. We've worked 4 yrs together...I did trust her but had a crisis situation and lost the trust ...am working on reganing that. I've had tons of therapy all my life so that's not new to me but I really appreciate everyone chiming in with personal observations and ideas.

I told my personal trainer this a.m. about the incident on Sunday and she suggested saying "thank you for noticing. But this is my personal journey and I'm not comfortable talking about it." Which gives me a socially acceptable resource for dealing with people but doesn't help me deal with me. I think I want to take an atavan but not sure how it will affect me now.

I'm just back from my workout and am hungry but not sure what I want to eat. I used to eat onion tomato on a slice of ezekiel bread (made of sticks and sawdust and just as tasty) with lf cheese melted on top. Have tried using red pepper substitute but that's awful after microwave. Need a bread substitute...

Need a framework to think @ these issues. My stomach is gone...my fingers look different, my hands look translucent...I feel like a freaking baby just dicovering ...but oh, there's the batwings I'm ffamiliar with and the lump of flesh that juts out of my thigh...old familiar territory...what happens when they're gone?

Rambling...gonna hit the shower and get to my volunteer job

Yeah, it sounds like your current therapist might not be a good match for you. There's plenty of others out there who may be more effective in helping you through this. Like doctors and surgeons alike, a good therapist is very hard to find. But you'll never find a good one unless you fire the bad ones and start looking elsewhere.

Therapy is a highly individualized experience.  It works when you have a high degree of trust for the therapist and you are highly motivated to change.   I've been to more than a few therapists, and I find trust to be the most difficult part of the equation.

My last therapist was heavy on the holistic side.  I'm not.  It was great for me to get her experience, because it helped me begin to truly face the fact that my quality of life was degraded by some of my health issues.  She also helped me realize that I can't pretend to be a people pleaser when really, I'm not just that into it.  Finally, she helped me understand the grief process (although I did a lot of that work alone).

I anticipate that I might need some therapy while I'm going through this process.  I don't think my problems are related to food issues.  There may be some aspect of an abusive past... I don't know.  I also don't know if she will be the right therapist for these issues.   If not, we'll be honest with each other, and I'll find the next therapist.  

I do know what you mean.... When I lose weight, I lie in bed and contemplate my shrinking wrist, and I wonder why my stomach is lagging behind.  I try to feel my bones, and I feel like a failure when I can't yet.  It seems like if we can control what we put in our mouths, we should be able to control what our body does with the calories, but our bodies don't work in that conscious way.    Instead, our bodies burn the fat according to its own set of rules... I think the dissonance between the mantra of self-discipline and the body's unpredictable reward system creates some of these defeating thought patterns.   I think the answer probably lies in recognizing this as an unhealthy thought process and either distracting yourself with a different subject or reframing it into a more healthy thought process.   Neither of which you want to do when you are down in the dumps.... Nevertheless....

So well written- thanks! Trust and relationship is the most important aspect of good therapy.

Reframing...how do u do that???

You are "on to" something here....

Thanks

 Well, I ordered a lettuce wrap for lunch today.  I could say that I ordered it because I'm on a diet (since I'm going in for surgery next week, this is true).  Or, I could say that I ordered it because I like lettuce wraps (which is also true).

These might be things I might feel after my surgery:

I could be depressed that I have so far to go in my weight loss journey.  Or I could be happy that I'm already feeling so much better.

I could be depressed that my body doesn't look the way I think skinnier people should look.  Or, I can be happy that I will have the opportunity to meet the acquaintance of a plastic surgeon.  After all, how likely is it that any of us would have felt worthy of plastic surgery before weight loss?

I could be depressed that weight loss surgery hasn't solved all my emotional problems.  Or, I can be happy that now that I've removed weight from the equation, I can actually get to the bottom of some of my psych problems.

I'm no polyanna.  It takes effort for me to be this up on life.

 I too had  problems with  turning to food  especially early out .

  It kind of does get better  as you get further  from surgery believe it or not !  ( it helps a lot that  we're not actually HUNGRY so we're more  aware its emotional eating ) 

My way of dealing with it was to keep  permitted snack foods in the house  (  air popped popcorn was a HUGE one ) -  a hundred calories or so  equals a handful of fat free whole grain corn that pops into  a POTFUL  of allowable low calorie and highfiber snack !   Fat free butter buds  ( natural butter solids  you can buy  iiin the spice section ) make it  taste even Better .. 

very low fat  or fat free soups are also  a great filling snack  ( i love Polish soupmixes  mixed with real homegrown  veggies ... butter buds and fat free  half and half  or fat free powdered milk ) 

of course  a protein shake or protein pudding made with skim milk is  another healthy alternative .

For me the key way to stay away from FAT  ...while  learning my way not to graze and snack .. 

  good luck  ! You CAN and WILL eventually control this  !  I can really identify !