Help me motivate my bf!

I had my surgery almost a month ago and besides off and on being sick with an upset stomach due to meds they put me on I have done good. I have lost 42 lbs from my weigh in the morning of my surgery. Now, I do not need help for me so much. It is my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. He is so unhealthy! He sits around playing video games when he is not working or fishing. We are waiting for him to get paid so I can drag him to the gym with me. All he does is eat junk food and drink pop. Since surgery he has been handling feeding our daughter for me so all I have to worry about is me. But this makes me worry about both of them even more. He complains of chest pain (which I am 90% sure is actually acid reflux and not heart problems) but will not stop the unhealthy eating habits. So, should I go back to making food and tell him he has to eat it or upset me or what should I do with him? Even before surgery he would eat junk food any chance he got. He does not like water because of the "taste". I keep trying to tell him there are things like vitiman water that he could try as well. The only thing I give him props for is he has started drinking mountain dew/pepsi throwback (it is a natural sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup).

Hi,
I am Aaron. To motivate your boyfriend you have to talk to him and tell him the benefits of gym. Also tell him his importance in your life. This may help to motivate him.


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naso fix

You don't think he already knows the benefits of going to the gym?  Dont' most adults know that exercising is good for you?  That does not motivate everyone to do it, though.

Good luck with that.  Really.  Some people are willing to change.. some not.  I hope your BF is the one that will try to get healthy with you. Unfortunately - if he is not  - there is nothing you can do to change him.   (HUGS)...
I have seen a few relationship break out because one person changed and changed eating and habits and the other one did not and did not wanted to change.   While the same time resented and tried to sabotage the other. 
I think cooking good food, not buying any junk food and not allowing it to be in the house may be the beginning.  (some people asked their partners to keep the not -so healthy snacks in their cars or in a specific room of the house.  )

 I would say men have a strong resistance to changing their eating habits .  Short  term they MIGHT make a show of accomodating in order to please you , but they almost always sneak the extra fat n calories when theyre out . 

I could be very offended  when after I make  sugarfree  fat free ( delicious ) foods , my men choose to  eat full fat macaroni n cheese ... fried food in restaurants and fastfood .  Instead I let it go .  

Its enough of a problem for me to coral myself . 

Now I used to say will NOT  bake full fat .. etc ... but even thats changed i n the interests of time and money saving .  Sure if they want junk , ill  give them quick junk rathert han take the trouble to make the good stuff . 

remeber its always your choice who you choose to live with .   

You got your surgery for yourself - to get yourself healthy.  Your boyfriend signed on to support you, but he's on his own to straighten up if he chooses to.  It's unfair to try to force it on him.  You're there setting a good example.  He can choose to follow that example or not to. 

If he's the kind of guy who eats what's placed in front of him, then you taking back the cooking will ensure that he and your daughter are getting one healthy meal daily.  He'll probably eat plenty of junk food the rest of the day, so don't fool yourself.

I'm sorry to sound so negative, but it's the way it is.  Trying to force him to follow you will lead to problems and resentment from both of you. 

VALERIE-excellent reply!! So glad I read yours before posting mine!

MEL-please re-read VALERIE's reply-once from her, and once from me, cuz she said exactly what was in my brain!

I'd just like to add:

Obviously this man is more than a "Boyfriend" in the usual use of the word. Y'all have a home and a child together. The ties "run deep"..

I'm guessing here..BUT..if you are like I was..you've been talking about your WLS/wt loss 24/7 these past months...I probably drove everyone nuts...and my DH was normal wt..I think it would have been harder on him, had he had a wt problem himself...

Now that YOU have "new things" in YOUR life, it sounds HE is turning to THE FRIEND HE KNOWS HE CAN COUNT ON...Sound familiar??? Didn't WE turn to junk food/etc/etc when we happy/sad/glad/mad ??? Be honest..

Now..you have a responsibilty to your daughter. You are far enough post op-and sound like you feel good enough-to resume fixing her meals-AND monitoring the foods that come into HER house, and on to HER plate. Your BF is an ADULT, capable of making his OWN choices. Your dtr is NOT..

INVITE your BF to the gym-do not attempt to "drag him". A year ago, could anyone have "dragged" YOU? If he won't go..go without him...do not make a big deal of it..just GO...continue to invite him..sooner or later he'll either join you, or he won't..

You cannot MAKE another person think/say/do anything..you can only educate/encourage/model the behavior..but mostly..YOU have to take care of YOU..and of your beautiful daughter..

And..is Mountain Dew "better" for him?....ummmm...no

I think you received several good posts on the boyfriend issue....

I would frankly be more concerend about what he is feeding your daughter.  I would either cook for her or insist her feed her healthy foods and limit the crap.  You don't want to set her up for obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle.  You still have influence over her diet.

I can understand that now that you are getting healthy, you would want him to get healthy too.  But it sounds like he is no interested in changing his eating habits right now. 

Think about how you felt before you had surgery.  Did you want someone to try to tell you what you could eat and drink?  did you want someone to try to tell you what activities you could do when you weren't working?  I bet you didn't.

My advice is to quit trying to be his mother or his doctor or whatever and let him make his own choices.