I had my surgery almost a month ago and besides off and on being sick with an upset stomach due to meds they put me on I have done good. I have lost 42 lbs from my weigh in the morning of my surgery. Now, I do not need help for me so much. It is my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. He is so unhealthy! He sits around playing video games when he is not working or fishing. We are waiting for him to get paid so I can drag him to the gym with me. All he does is eat junk food and drink pop. Since surgery he has been handling feeding our daughter for me so all I have to worry about is me. But this makes me worry about both of them even more. He complains of chest pain (which I am 90% sure is actually acid reflux and not heart problems) but will not stop the unhealthy eating habits. So, should I go back to making food and tell him he has to eat it or upset me or what should I do with him? Even before surgery he would eat junk food any chance he got. He does not like water because of the "taste". I keep trying to tell him there are things like vitiman water that he could try as well. The only thing I give him props for is he has started drinking mountain dew/pepsi throwback (it is a natural sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup).

Hi,
I am Aaron. To motivate your boyfriend you have to talk to him and tell him the benefits of gym. Also tell him his importance in your life. This may help to motivate him.


_________
naso fix

You don't think he already knows the benefits of going to the gym?  Dont' most adults know that exercising is good for you?  That does not motivate everyone to do it, though.

Good luck with that.  Really.  Some people are willing to change.. some not.  I hope your BF is the one that will try to get healthy with you. Unfortunately - if he is not  - there is nothing you can do to change him.   (HUGS)...
I have seen a few relationship break out because one person changed and changed eating and habits and the other one did not and did not wanted to change.   While the same time resented and tried to sabotage the other. 
I think cooking good food, not buying any junk food and not allowing it to be in the house may be the beginning.  (some people asked their partners to keep the not -so healthy snacks in their cars or in a specific room of the house.  )

 I would say men have a strong resistance to changing their eating habits .  Short  term they MIGHT make a show of accomodating in order to please you , but they almost always sneak the extra fat n calories when theyre out . 

I could be very offended  when after I make  sugarfree  fat free ( delicious ) foods , my men choose to  eat full fat macaroni n cheese ... fried food in restaurants and fastfood .  Instead I let it go .  

Its enough of a problem for me to coral myself . 

Now I used to say will NOT  bake full fat .. etc ... but even thats changed i n the interests of time and money saving .  Sure if they want junk , ill  give them quick junk rathert han take the trouble to make the good stuff . 

remeber its always your choice who you choose to live with .   

You got your surgery for yourself - to get yourself healthy.  Your boyfriend signed on to support you, but he's on his own to straighten up if he chooses to.  It's unfair to try to force it on him.  You're there setting a good example.  He can choose to follow that example or not to. 

If he's the kind of guy who eats what's placed in front of him, then you taking back the cooking will ensure that he and your daughter are getting one healthy meal daily.  He'll probably eat plenty of junk food the rest of the day, so don't fool yourself.

I'm sorry to sound so negative, but it's the way it is.  Trying to force him to follow you will lead to problems and resentment from both of you. 

VALERIE-excellent reply!! So glad I read yours before posting mine!

MEL-please re-read VALERIE's reply-once from her, and once from me, cuz she said exactly what was in my brain!

I'd just like to add:

Obviously this man is more than a "Boyfriend" in the usual use of the word. Y'all have a home and a child together. The ties "run deep"..

I'm guessing here..BUT..if you are like I was..you've been talking about your WLS/wt loss 24/7 these past months...I probably drove everyone nuts...and my DH was normal wt..I think it would have been harder on him, had he had a wt problem himself...

Now that YOU have "new things" in YOUR life, it sounds HE is turning to THE FRIEND HE KNOWS HE CAN COUNT ON...Sound familiar??? Didn't WE turn to junk food/etc/etc when we happy/sad/glad/mad ??? Be honest..

Now..you have a responsibilty to your daughter. You are far enough post op-and sound like you feel good enough-to resume fixing her meals-AND monitoring the foods that come into HER house, and on to HER plate. Your BF is an ADULT, capable of making his OWN choices. Your dtr is NOT..

INVITE your BF to the gym-do not attempt to "drag him". A year ago, could anyone have "dragged" YOU? If he won't go..go without him...do not make a big deal of it..just GO...continue to invite him..sooner or later he'll either join you, or he won't..

You cannot MAKE another person think/say/do anything..you can only educate/encourage/model the behavior..but mostly..YOU have to take care of YOU..and of your beautiful daughter..

And..is Mountain Dew "better" for him?....ummmm...no

I think you received several good posts on the boyfriend issue....

I would frankly be more concerend about what he is feeding your daughter.  I would either cook for her or insist her feed her healthy foods and limit the crap.  You don't want to set her up for obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle.  You still have influence over her diet.

I can understand that now that you are getting healthy, you would want him to get healthy too.  But it sounds like he is no interested in changing his eating habits right now. 

Think about how you felt before you had surgery.  Did you want someone to try to tell you what you could eat and drink?  did you want someone to try to tell you what activities you could do when you weren't working?  I bet you didn't.

My advice is to quit trying to be his mother or his doctor or whatever and let him make his own choices.

You can't change someone else unless they want to change no matter what you do. All you can do is change yourself and how YOU look at and approach the other person. They "may" change to make you happy but more likely they won't change until they hit their own "bottom". Just keep taking care of yourself and your daughter, but what he does is entirely up to him and him alone.

You need to treat him like an adult and allow him to go to Hell in his own way. How would you feel if he was telling you how to eat?

Sorry to say but I agree with Val also, you can only help someone if they want help.  I help my bf and his brother, when they are trying, but as I type this my bf's brother just went to DD for a caramel coffee collatta his girlfriend introduced him too.  Do I think she is a ******g idiot for doing it, yes I do, but he is an adult.  I suggested he get a sugar free tea, he laughed.  End of exchange.  I don't harp on anyone just like I didn't like it done to me.  Hopefully he will come around, my bf lost 60lbs when I had my surgery, he did gain it back and is currently trying to get rid of it again, he's down 30lbs.

Did he attend a seminar with you? or if you go to support groups maybe you should take him so he can relize that his lifestyle of eating is not healthy for him and your daughter.
I dont have a date yet, but i have prepared my family with our new eating habits, we have completely cut out sodas, and when where out to dinner we dont order drinks we ge****er, i am cutting out fried food slowly, my oldest son just got his braces but on and theres alot of things he cant eat that he was able to before, and now he has found food that is healthy and and is able to eat, he has droped some weight and is so happy.

I agree with the others. Take care of you and your daughter. Don't nag your boyfriend. I'm in a similar boat with my bf. We met over 20 years ago in college. He played basketball and was rail thin. I was thin when we met and gained well over 100 during the course of our friendship. He loved me regardless of my weight and was always supportive of me. He never made a negative comment about my weight.

We were apart for 15 years during which I gained a ton more and then had my RNY and lost all of it. So now I'm the one who's thin and he needs to lose around 50. I love him regardless of his weight. My concern is for his health, but he has to be ready to make the changes he needs to make to get healthier. Thankfully his doctor has been getting on his case so he says he is ready to change. We'll see. In the meantime I am supportive of him and always tell him how sexy he is 

Laura

Has your boyfriend had a physical lately? It sounds like he needs one. Maybe the doctor could tell him the risks of being overweight. Sometimes it helps when it comes from a medical professional.

Like others have said you need to focus on yourself at this point, but I will add you need to focus on your daughter as well to begin teaching her healthy eating habits. So yes I wou,d take control of the cooking. I do a good share of the cooking in my house. As you get further out form surgery being the cook isn't so difficult as eating healthy meals is what the goal is and really should be the goal of anyone at a meal.

As for the soda don't fool yourself that the new sweeteners in the dew and Pepsi are any better than high fructose corn syrup. Our bodies treat sugar as sugar. Your metabolism doesn't say "hey this is can sugar so I think a will burn it and turn the high fructose corn syrup to fat".

Every few years something has to become the big evil in the food industry. I remember when I was a kid eggs were made the big evil because of the cholesterol, then it was por****il it became the "other white meat" because red meat was so bad.

Sounds like eventually your BF needs a swift kick in the ass regarding life in general.

I suppose I should have better explained a few things. When I met my boyfriend we were both fairly healthy. We only drank water, juice, gatorade/powerade and milk. We did not eat fast food (besides the once in a great while subway) and never fried anything. He motivated me to be healthier. Sadly no matter how healthy I ate and drank it never made my weight go down any. After about 3 years we both went into depression (me first because my weight just kept going up) and I gave up and did not care so much. That does not mean I went on a junk food benge. It means I did not reject anything non-healthy like I did before. He followed my depression, I guess he did not like seeing me the way I was. So I feel that his lifestyle now is my fault and I want more than anything to get him back on track. Now my upset stomach is an every day 24/7 thing and I cannot drink water without getting sick, let alone eat. I am making an apt with my surgeon tomorrow about that. But I am not trying to force something upon him. I just want him to be happy and healthy again like he was. When you feel it is your fault you also feel obligated to help fix the problem.

Let me be the not so nice person for a second.

If it was easy to motivate someone to get up and get moving to lose weight, none of us would have had weight loss surgery.

Just like you had to choose weight loss surgery for yourself, your boyfriend's going to have to come to the conclusion that he needs to shape up by himself.

Just drop it with him and let him watch you drop the weight. That might really be the only motivation he needs to work on himself. If he sees you smaller and happier, he might think it's possible for him, too. He might even have weight loss surgery, who knows?

If you don't want to make the food he wants to eat, tell him to fend for himself. He's a big boy, I hope - and it's your choice to cook whatever you want to cook. He'll either give up and eat the healthy things you're making or he'll make his own food.

You'll see. Even without nagging, things will change either in a good direction or a bad one.

They say around here, post-WLS, great relationships get greater and bad relationships will end. You just have to figure out which one  you have.

Wishing you luck, and congrats on the weight loss.