who to tell.. who not to tell....

I am having a difficultt time and need some OH advice.

I told my family that my doctor has referred me to a surgeon and that news wasn't recieved well. Having being overweight my whole life and being critizied all the time, they once again told me to exercise more and watch what i eat. Like I haven`t done that over and over again.

Since the wait time in Vancouver Canada is 2 years just for the consultation and maybe another year for the surgery, I have decided to go to Mexico.

I`m not sure who to tell now because I feel like going to Mexico and coming back without telling anyone.

I feel like I don`t have any support but know that this is what I need. 

Also, did you tell your employers? Friends?

I pretty much told the same people I would tell about any other type of surgery I was having.  People I didn't know very well, I might have mentioned I was having surgery, but not what kind.  People close to me, I told what I was having done.  I pretty much told all the same people that I told I was having my gall bladder removed ten months later.  I behaved the way I would if I was having any other type of surgery.

My .02 cents ---- you can always tell later, but you can never 'un-tell' -- and once you tell one person, you have no control over who else finds out.

Personally, I chose to tell my spouse (he was helping me pay for it since I was self-pay).

I also told one friend where I live and 1 friend who was remote from me.

All of them were very supportive and kept my story confidential, as I asked them to do.

After my surgery, I told the rest of my family and a few friends --- but most of my (remote) co-workers don't know  had WLS.

Everyone I have told has been supportive (at least to my face, right??!!)

I don't think that I would have gotten as much support  pre-op -- I think that they would have encouraged exercise and dieting --- but, once done, they had no say.

I struggled with the same thing. I had surgery two weeks ago and I decided to not tell anyone other than my hubby, parents, my brother, and two close friends who live far from me. I just decided I didn't want people sticking their nose in my business and judging me. I had several people at a support group tell me that if they could go back they would and NOT tell people. I am a stay at home mom with a 11 and 8 year old so I didn't have to be off work. One of the ladies told me that people will hurt your feelings and not mean to. Like....well just go on a diet or push away from the table. They don't understand and usually the ones that say that are skinny! You do what makes you comfortable. My son actually told me today that his teacher asked where I have been since I haven't been at the school and he told her that I was sick. I told both my kids that I didn't want people to know my business. They actually don't know what kind of surgery i either. Congrats on deciding to have WLS. I started the process August 1 of this year and just had surgery. It is not a walk in the park but I had to do it for me. My hubby was against it but I told him I had always put everyone ahead of me and now I was doing something for me. I have HBP and other issues and I want to get healthy. Good luck on your journey. Do what makes you happy and comfortable!! Best wishes! :) Could you possibly have surgery in the states? 

Wow! I brant believe that you have to wait that long for WLS of any sort. Do you have to go to Mexico or can you come to the US. At least tat s closer than Mexico. Mu husband fought me for two years about the surgery. All he kept hearing were the horror stories. Then I was diagnosed with sleep apnea with border line narcolepsy and the only way to cure that is to drastically lose weight and take a prescription called Provgil which is amphetamine based and I did not want to take that forever. So I finally at least got him to go to the support groups with me that are required to go to as prep for the surgery. He finally was use to the idea and we were ok with getting the surgery. But I started my consult with the surgeon in January and finished all the requirements for the surgery I had my RNY May 9th, only 5 months after the initial visit. But anyway telling people I think should be told on a need to know basis. If you don't feel they are going to support you, then I wouldn't tell them. I worked at t s f course I had to tell my bosses. They didn't agree with it and begged me not to have it. My parents of course had the same feelings, do not have it. I think my father's exact quote is that we shouldn't f...k around with Mother Nature. After that I stopped telling people. When they found out they found out. Having WLS is stressful enough, you don't want to Mae it more difficult for you. Do your best to surround yourself with positives. You know what is right for you and you can always find positive people to confide in that will be supportive and truthful to help you. Good luck in your journey!!

I have spoken about this previously, but will again because I do think it's an important decision.

When I had my surgery, I was very open and told everyone.  My thoughts at that time were that if I behaved as if there was something shameful with the decision to have surgery, then I would be guilty of promoting that line of thought, and I wanted no part of it.  So, I stood up proudly and declared my intentions to everyone. 

If I could go back and do it again, I would not be quite so open...

Why?

Because whether we like it or not, there is a huge segment of society who will always believe we took the easy way out.

I can no longer count the number of times where I have been in a conversation about weight loss where I have actually seen the lessening of respect towards me when it was discovered that I've had weight loss surgery. 

My husband and I are planning a move out of state in the next year or so, and I have already told him when we move I will not so openly discuss my weight loss surgery with the new people we will be encountering as I just really do not want to wear the label of the "woman who took the easy way out" by those who have no idea what we actually go through.

There is a little bit of "humor" in this though...

Before I had my surgery, there were four relatively heavy women I work with who discussed the surgery with me and each of them remarked that they would never have the surgery, that they would, instead, lose their weight the "healthy" way.

This week I have run into each of these four women, and not only have they not lost the weight, but you guessed it, each of them is even heavier than they were four years ago.  One of them is now injecting insulin each day as a result of the weight related diabetes she has developed.

So really, who took the "healthy" route?

Wishing you a very successful journey!!

I told "everyone" - well, not everyone, everyone - but everyone that I see on a regular basis including my employer and most employees.  I did this for two reasons, basically.

1.  I never wanted anyone to think I was "sick" and have them not approach me!  The people in my company who I didn't tell - actually did think I was sick and I felt so bad when I found that out     :-(  

2.  I wanted to bring everyone I could into my personal support group.  Part of my telling them included my reasons, my resolve, and the importance they played in my life.  I was proud of what I was doing - and if it meant that I'd be the "poster child" for WLS, then so be it!  I had nothing to hide.

Everyone was so very supportive - I have been so lucky in that respect.  However, it is a personal decision; to tell or not.  Just be prepared for whatever.

Sandie

I told everyone.  Some were very supportive, some were openly against it.  I didn't care because it was finally time for me to take care of my health.  I was very sick (diabetes w/insulin 4x a day and a total of 10 scripts for my health issues which ranged from high blood pressure, high cholesterol, endometriosis, sleep apnea and body pain pretty much everywhere) and now that I lost weight with the help of my tool (RNY) all of those issues have resolved at almost 3 years postop.  

One of the reasons I tell everyone (still) is because I want to help anyone who is considering having surgery.  I do often hear from people that they know someone in their own life that has had wls and has gained it all back.  Its all about changing your entire life and sadly some people do not make those changes and have re-gain.  

Here is a photo of me in my halloween outfit.  It felt really great to go out like this and not feel uncomfortable doing so.  I finally know what it is like to have self-confidence and am still getting used to the attention from people checking me out.  My fiance points it out to me from time to time because I don't even notice it most of the time.

I told everyone, and I didn't let myself care what they thought.  My health was more important, and I am so glad I had the surgery.  I am sure most people thought I was nuts for going to Mexico and for having the surgery, but no one said anything to my face.  My mother in law was the only one who said I should try to loose on my own.  If I could have, I would have a long time ago.  The lack of energy, lack of will power, lack of motivation or my physical problems prevented me from doing so.  If people don't treat you with respect after you have weight loss surgery that is just ignorance on their part.  If you take a good look at the people who treat you that way, you will probably find something about them that makes you loose respect for them too.  (NO BODY IS PERFECT).  Do what is right for you.  Take someone to Mexico for support, you will be glad you did.  I took 2 people my daughter and my sister in law.  Someone just to talk to helps on the trip to calm your nerves.  Good luck on your journey, and hope to see you on the loosers bench.  Barb

I haven't really looked at coming to the US because of the cost. I guess I could, but would probably need to look a little better than I have been thus far.

I appreciate everyones advice. It's amazing to have instant feedback by people who have struggled with the same issues and 'get it'.

You guys are right, I am in this for me. And whoever I tell should be totally supportive and I should be prepared to not hear things I shouldn't want to hear.

Thank you everyone!!