Friends, coworkers and family don't approve of my plan for WLS

The most common comment I hear is you're not that fat, you don't need it. But seriously i wouldn't qualify if it wasn't fat enough. And they don't see me naked LOL!!!

Then I hear it's a major surgery, look how well you've been doing on your own maybe you won't need to get the surgery. Which is ok but my losing 10lbs over 6 months is nothing when I need to lose 90lbs.

The last comment was maybe you just aren't ment to be thin. Said by a lovely lady whom I adore but has never had to worry about her weight a day in her life.

They don't mean it to be hurtful I'm sure but it just wears a little.

Don't let others continue with the negativity. You've made the decision to get the surgery. You know what's best for you. You have tried diets in the past - like all of us. And they don't work for us. That's all there is to it - we need the surgery - it's a tool that helps us. Your next diet will be the same as all the prior diets - lose 10 pounds, gain 20....and again, and again, and again. You know the definition of Crazy: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. My fiance did not support me at first - I tried to explain the reasons, etc. - but he still opposed it. I told him I was going to have the surgery because I needed to have the surgery. He finally came around and ended up being very supportive. Stick to your guns - and hopefully the naysayers will quiet down when they see your determination.

Best of luck to you - keep reading the posts here for information and support.

Mary

When I decided I wanted to pursue this surgery, my Granny (who is 83) was dead set against it. The thought of it terrified her. So, I sat down with her one night and talked to her about it. I told her, "Granny, my mom is gone and you are the closest thing I have. I NEED your support on this. I know you are scared, but do you know what scares me? The thought of never having a child, the thought of having a heart attack at 40, the thought of losing a foot from diabetes...these things scare me so much worse than that surgery. Everyone should have the right to make the most out of there life. My life is passing me by and I feel like ive never really lived. I want to LIVE! Please love me enough to support me even if you're scared." After that she has been very supportive. I have had a few stupid people make comments but I say "consider the source". If people continue to push their nose in your business I would tell them "You dont have to like it, you dont have to understand it but you do have to respect my decisions. If you can't do that then I'm afraid we can't be friends, because quite frankly I have enough to focus on right now without the extra negativity and stress."

I didn't like the idea of "hiding" what was going to be monumental change in my life, but like you, I was afraid of getting a lot of negative responses. So I went all-in and e-mailed the following note to friends and colleagues alike. It worked like a charm. EVERYONE was incredibly supportive and they continue to be so. The reason, I think, is because I didn't just tell them I was having surgery--I also explained why. Here is what I wrote:

"Hi all, I'm writing to let you know that I will be having bariatric surgery on 9/17.

My weight has been a personal and painful struggle for me ever since I was a little girl. I started putting on excess weight in third grade and have been steadily increasing in size ever since. Like many overweight children, I was taunted and called names by children in school and fat-shamed by adults I met in passing. I learned to cope by developing a strong personality and sense of humor (that you all know and hopefully appreciate!), but I never stopped feeling self-conscious or ashamed of my weight.

As a child, I turned away from fun activities like swimming because I didn't want others to see me in a swimsuit and I used to hate eating in front of others because I feared their judgement/comments. Clothes shopping, in particular, was excruciating. Back then, plus-size clothing wasn't readily available, so my mother would have to drive me to a specialty store an hour away to find clothes. Most items were made for the 60-and-older set, so I spent most of my teen years wearing polyester skirts and floral blouses in old-fashioned styles and patterns.

I've tried to lose weight on my own for many years. I first joined Weigh****chers when I was only 14 years old. There, I lost 40 pounds but gained back 80. A similar trend happened when I attempted other diets and weight loss programs. Later in life, I took a more sensible approach and worked with nutritionists, trainers, and even a licensed hypnotherapist. The end result is that I learned a lot of valuable tools, made positive behavioral changes, and lost approximately 8% of my excess body weight which I managed to keep off for a number of years.

Unfortunately four years ago, I went from being overweight to morbidly obese. The combination of being in an unsafe work environment and dealing with my father's fragile health resulted in me gaining a significant amount of weight in a very short period of time.

Suddenly, my weight wasn't just a source of shame or embarrassment; it was a daily obstacle or hindrance as well. Riding in planes was excruciating. I would often turn down invites to go hiking or ride bikes because I didn't think I could keep-up with friends. Worse still, I would constantly have to gauge whether or not I could fit into a chair with arm rests or a booth whenever I sat down. Thinking about my size was a constant in my life, and in many ways, I felt trapped in my own body.

Last November, I went to see my general physician for an annual check-up. For the first time ever, I was directed to undergo bariatric surgery from a physician. My doctor stated that I was healthy now, but that I was close to reaching a "tipping point." Over the next 10-15 minutes, she painted a terrifying picture of what my future might look like if I stayed at my current weight. She informed me that obesity is a major cause of a serious and potentially life-threatening diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and even some cancers. She also informed me that my weight was literally shaving 15 years off my life.

Since then, I have completed a mandatory six-month evaluation period through my insurance carrier, gone to seminars to learn about bariatric surgery, attended support groups for individuals who've had the operation, and performed independent research. Overall, I learned that the procedure is relatively safe and have been rigorously studied for 50+ years. The research indicates that 80% of patients not only lose the weight they want to lose and keep it off, but they also experience overall health benefits and an increased quality of life.

This summer I managed to lose 40 pounds on my own. While there are days when I'm tempted to say no to the surgery, the vast amount of research says I would be foolish to do so. According to most experts, standard diet and exercise strategies only lead to significant weight loss in 3% of all obese or overweight individuals in the U.S.. In other words, 97% of individuals who attempt to lose a significant amount of weight non-surgically gain the weight back in five years or less. The reason for this has a lot less to do with willpower and dedication and more to do with the genetic and biological challenges of keeping weight off. Many researchers now know that when people try to lose weight--especially when it's a significant amount--their bodies put them in a unique metabolic state and produce hormones (such as ghrelin) that induce hunger as well as suppress other hormones (like leptin and peptid YY) that naturally suppress hunger and increase one's metabolism. In essence, the body begins to act like it's starving and works overtime to gain regain the pounds that were lost. Thus, surgery for weight loss has been proven to be the most effective option available for obese individuals such as myself.

So, long story short, I am getting the surgery. And I'm both terrified and excited to be doing so. Here's what you might find helpful to know:

1) Surgery Details: My surgery date is scheduled for 9/17. The procedure will only last a few hours and I'll be placed in the hospital for two days for observation purposes. The doctor's office informs me that I'll need 2-3 weeks to recover before I can fully resume my normal life and work duties. I'll get more details once I have my pre-op appointment, but I already know that I'll be banned from driving for a short period of time. And while recovery times vary from patient to patient, I've been informed that I should anticipate feeling weak and having difficulty sitting-up and/or moving around for the first 2-3 weeks post-surgery. Thankfully, my mother is planning to stay with me during this time period and a number of my friends have volunteered to assist me if I need anything as well.

2) Returning to Work: [I discussed how long I would be out and when I would return to work. I also addressed how often I would check e-mail and voicemail while I was recovering.]

3) Happy Hours and General Socializing: I wouldn't miss hanging out with you for the world! In the beginning, however, I will likely be limited to water for drinking. My new dietary restrictions may also result in me either sharing a meal with someone else since I'll likely be full after a few bites or ordering something super small like a soup or an appetizer. We'll see.

4) Support is Crucial for Long Term Success. Having the support of friends, family and colleagues is going to be crucial for my long term success. That's partially why I shared so much of my personal story above--I wanted you to know that this is important to me and it's long overdue. In terms of support, I just ask that [created a different message for friends and colleagues. For my colleagues, I said the following:] you be understanding if my communication and presence on campus is somewhat limited the first 1-2 weeks of school. And while I don't think this will be an issue, I also ask that you simply respect my wishes if I can't drink or eat something that is made available to faculty at a meeting, campus event, or happy hour. I may also have less energy for the first six-months post-surgery, but that just means that I'll operate at 110% rather than my normal 150%.

I'll stop this e-mail right here. Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to respond to this e-mail or call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. I look forward to seeing you soon and having you witness my physical transformation. Best, Tish

While I was terrified once I sent this message to colleagues and friends, it ended being one of the best decisions I ever made. Here's what happened:

1) The e-mails and phone calls of support and encouragement came pouring in.

2) Two friends confessed that they had been thinking about getting bariatric surgery and peppered me with questions

3) My friends decided to throw me a surgery party on Sunday and will be visiting me while I recover

4) My colleagues at the community college I teach at went above and beyond to help me, including switching classes with me so that I only have to teach online fall quarter. They also were very understanding about my inability to attend meetings the first 1-2 weeks of school and have been accommodating about meeting with me before the surgery date (rather than after) to take care of some work that we need to get done before the new quarter starts.

5) I heard from people who had the surgery and never told anyone and/or was given the names of people who had to surgery to contact if I wished.

6) And so much more.

So while it's scary, I'm glad I went all-in and told everyone. There is a sense of freedom that comes from having everyone know. In addition, it can often lead to a lot more support from friends, family and colleagues.

I hope this helps! No matter what, we'll be here to support you through your journey :)

Although this is not the route I took, I applaud your approach. Your email is perfect and may be just what someone else needs to help them. Wishing you great success.

You were able to do some educating in the process of informing. Sending out an email may buffer some of the negative Nellies. Very nice job.

Personally, I was such a failed dieter that I wasn't really sure that it would work and didn;t want people seeing me fail at another diet. I just knew it was the only option left. Now that I am 10 months out, 120 lbs lighter, walking with my post-WLS swagger (not from pride, but from my body wanting to burn every excess calorie it can), no one can take me off my stride. I tell people who ask me how I did it - I say, when you have time, I will tell you the details. Call me. If they really care, they call me and I tell them the details. But the casual questioner - it's none of their business and I'm not inviting them into my business.

Keep up the good work,

I told most people that were regularly in my life. I only had one really negative response... and it did put a wedge in our relationship. I didn't let on that I was uncertain and scared... that would have given them ammunition. Overtime I kind of found a script I used in my head to tel people... I found that helped.

That was exactly the reason I decided not to tell my boss or colleagues at work. I didn't want people to tell me all of the reasons I shouldn't have the surgery or hear the stories of things that went wrong for people they knew. I asked the doctor when the risks of not having the surgery outweighed the risks of having it. He told me that now was the time and I started the process, no looking back. I told my family and close friends right before the surgery. When I told work that I needed to take some time off for surgery, I didn't want to tell them what kind of surgery because they would have seen it as optional, and I disagree. It was necessary and needed to happen when it did. Not telling people worked for me, although I must admit it was a bit difficult because I am typically a very open and forthright person.

Don't let the naysayers stop you from doing what you want to do. Good luck on your journey.

You will have regrets whichever decision you make. You can either regret not listening to your friends or you can regret not listening to your heart.

I would rather risk people feeling hurt because I did not take their advice. They may be hurt but I would not risk giving up my dream and my chance for a healthy and slim life.

Hope these help...

http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2013/11/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a.html

http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2015/09/life- after-weight-loss-surgery-q-a_7.html

Sending prayers and good wishes to you! Hope you will soon be saying the same thing I do about having weight loss surgery... best gift I ever gave myself. ~Shelly