telling your friends.

Hey guys..so I am probably due to have surgery at the end of August and I am struggling with telling some of my friends, specifically my guy friends.  I am pretty close with them but for some reason, I am really afraid of their reaction.  The friends I have told have been nothing but supportive..but I am so nervous about the guys I haven't told yet.

How did you all handle telling your friends you were having surgery? 

I told relatively few of my friends.  Only the one's I really trusted to be supportive.  I didn't want any negativity.  No matter how close your friends or relatives are, they can't help but offer their opinions, good or bad, about what you are doing.

I heard all kinds of things like "Oh, you're not that big, you don't need such drastic surgery", to "you'll have all kinds of medical issues later".  I was very surprised at the people I heard these things from. 

So unless the people you are considering telling are friends you know will support you no matter what and not try to discourage you with a lot of negative feedback, then my advice is don't tell them until after your surgery.

i told a handful of friends before the surgery, but after i told anyone who asked how i lost the weight. I had a few friends who were not supportive but they are no longer my friends and who need them anyway. I have spread the word about my DS and have 4 or 5 people who have decided to make the DS journey based on my help giving them the places to go for facts and info. it is a personal choice on who you may want to let know, but i am sure you will have plenty support if they are real friends.....Good Luck on you DS Journey enjoy the ride~!

I have only told a hand few of people also.  I had the same experiences as sassy stated.  Everyone has been in amazement that I qualify and say that they didn't think I was large enough to need it done.  I know I am making the right decision and it is really no ones business. 

Anyone pre-op:  Once you let the cat out of the bag, you can't stuff it back in again.  So, be careful who you tell about your DS beforehand.  Being a "lightweight" at 231, I didn't tell anyone outside my husband and three adult children.  Once the weight loss became a topic of conversation, I'd tell people who were really interested about the DS.  Nobody really understands the surgery, I've found.  They really don't care what kind of WLS you had, to almost everyone you had a bypass. 

I did not tell anyone because I honestly didn't need their support, and I surely wasn't going to take their criticism about my future health.  They weren't there when I couldn't walk ten feet without stopping and panting. 

I was amazed by how accepting my male friends were.  My best friend is a guy and I thought it would be weird telling him.  He just shrugged and said "Ok, cool.. good for you".  Now he thinks it's kinda nice that I can eat bacon whenever I want.  It also took him 130 pounds before he noticed and commented on my weight loss.. guys are just oblivious when they aren't into you as more than a friend!

I thought I was alone with this problem.  I have no told my family or most of my friends.  3 people know, my husband and two friends from work.  My one friend inparticular I am having trouble.  Her sister in-law had gastric bypass and has many problems.  However, I think most are because she doesn't do what she needs to do.  I was already to tell her and then we visited her sister in-law for three days and all she ate was spinach and eggs.  Also, we saw a true life and it showed all the skins.  She makes comments like I don't know how people can do that.   I think she would ultimately support me.  Like others have stated, I just don't want to deal with it right now. 

you are definitely not alone.

I wish I could just not care what other people think..and I know that even negative views would not change my decision to have surgery BUT they would hurt none the less. I would hope that the friends I have not told would be as supportive as the ones I have..but I just don't know. I hate to admit that I am afraid of them judging me or thinking differently of me or thinking I am weak..and I know if they knew anything, they would know that surgery is NOT the easy way out.

It is tough. I am debating making a youtube channel or a blog about my journey and maybe that is how I will tell them after surgery..by linking them. I just get severe anxiety when I try and tell them..it is just fear. I hear these horror stories about people losing friends and these friends are my FAMILY and I don't want to lose them.

Of course you care what other people think. That's only human - and you are young besides and your peer group has a lot of influence in each other's lives. 

But it sounds to me like you are not ready to expose your decision to many people - you are too vulnerable.  So for now,  keep it to yourself.  It's a private matter between you and your doctor and you are under no obligation whatsoever to tell anyone.  Don't.  Doesn't sound to me like it would do you any good at this point.  What you need is calm,  resolve,  and focus on your health and your preparation.

People who are really truly your friends will be your friends through thick and thin (literally and figuratively).  Keep breathing and focus on yourself and your health.    Worry about telling people down the road - you will know when the time is right.  But it's not now.

Love this!!!  This is exactly how I felt.  I told almost no one.  I had made up my mind, and just felt too vulnerable to deal with anyone else's opinions pre-op. 

Most people in my life now know, but it took two years post-op for me to fully "out" myself.  I felt an obligation to pay it forward and a bit guilty in letting people continue to believe that "diet and exercise"  worked for me.

Bottom line- my body, my choice.