I lost it, now what?

I am not sure if anyone else has experienced this, but my self confidence has went out the window.  Sure we look good in our clothes once we lose the weight but no one wants to deal with what is underneath. 

I am grossed out by what I see, so how can I expect someone else to like it?  Men are so visual anyway.  The extra skin is such a big disappointment.  Funny, it isn't in my tummy area so much as it is my butt and legs. 

I know everyone wants plastic surgery but does anyone know of a good doctor in Ohio?  One that can get me approved through insurance?  Does anyone have any advice about dating?  Do you tell them right away or not?  It is like having to come out over and over and over again.  And I don't want to hear that crap about if they truly like you for who you are they will overlook it cause we all know that is not the truth. 

...seems you and i have the same problem and in the same damn area! No one would ever expect our bodies to look the way they do under our clothes and some of us are not as fortunate as others with their skin tightening up as they slim down.
I'd like to think there are some insurance companies out there that would cover the cost of plastic surgery but I've yet to hear of one other than if you are having skin related infections due to the excess skin.
You need advice on dating? No way! I see a pretty confident guy in your picture who looks like he'd say it like it is. Basically, 'this is who I am, I had this done, I'm glad I had it done, I did it for myself....like it or leave it' kinda guy, in a nutshell. Am I right?

I would like to think so Michelle but I was a much more confident man with the weight on.  Now I wonder who wants to look at a 90 year old body on a 45 yr old man?  Meh, it is what it is.  Life happens, right? 

Everything has gotten wierd though.  My prior friends have all but dropped off the planet.  They got really strange when I lost the weight.  Guess they were used to me staying in the background and them being considered the cute guys in the group.  Where in Ohio are you?

Aaron, Just read this entry. As with you, my bear friends have just sort of dropped away. At times I think it is because what interests me now is being active and cycling. Most of these friends are very sedentary. I am still friends with many and they chat with me now and then. My partner, who also had WLS, and I have been invited to less and less parties over the years. That is a sad reality I think of the gay community. It is the one thing that surprised me when I lost the weight. I could not mention or talk about it since it usually upset these guys. Jealousy? Maybe, I don't know. -- Tom

Hi Aaron,

Great job on the weight loss. You look terrific in the pics. I am 4 years post-op and have religiously attended WLS support groups over this time. In all my group interactions, I find that women are very conscious about body image. I think it is more that they are more vocal in expressing their feelings about body image. Men seem to more quietly harbor their feelings about body image.

Most men experience the excess skin in their belly and breasts. Plastic surgery is indeed the cure. Unfortunately, most insurances are not willing to do anything beyond a tummy tuck and that is only if the skin is impeding sexual, exercise or other normal body activities. Over four years, I have encountered only 2 guys who had PS.

Your comment that men are so visual is pretty much attributable to gay men. Straight men are not that visual. In the gay community, a trim stomach is prized.  I know I will never have it.

I have come to concentrate on other benefits of my surgery, better health, better attitude and more activity. It may not be the answer you were looking for but I believe you have definitely changed. You have to find the changed "you". Part of that discovery is meeting new people who are blind to the excess skin. Do you really want to be with a person who only likes the outside and not the total person?
 
I have some blog entries about male body image that you might check out. Not sure where you are in Ohio. If you are in NE Ohio, we have a cycling club with a lot of bariatirc patients and good support.

Keep in touch!
Tom from Akron

Thanks for the post.  Sounds like you have a partner that was there through the process and is in the same boat so to speak.  I am hopeful that I will find someone willing to deal with it or to eventually save enough for surgery.  It certainly wasn't a cure all.  My diabetes stayed and I was so hoping to change that.  Your partner is 7 years out, does he fluctuate with weight?  I am so afraid of gaining it back.  They say you don't get hungry after the sleeve surgery but that has not been so in my case.  lol  My stomach will growl so loud people look at me funny.  I am in central Ohio.  If you ever have an event near, let me know.

Aaron,

Yes. I have a partner of 23 years. He had RNY in 2006 and I had Lapband in 2008. He has gained some weight back, but not a huge amount. My weight is pretty consistent. I believe we are typical of most WLS patients. Those first few years after surgery are the honeymoon years where the weight falls off. After that, you are just like anyone else,. You need to be vigilant of your diet and activity level. I know as a Lapband patient I know how to work my band. In other words, I can cheat and eat more if I want. I know staying fit will be a life long project for me.

My husband is from central Ohio, near Mt. Vernon. We are in the Central Ohio area now and then. He helps his family with showing ponies at fairs. Many are in that area. 

My best advice to you is take it one day at a time. Be positive and be active. Being an active person has helped me keep my weight off. I am much happier as an active person too,

Tom
 

Hi, Aaron.  Mind if I ask what insurance you have?  I know that Dr. McMahan does incredible work, but I'm not sure about the insurance situation there.  I also know that Dr. Bivk Shaw is well respected and accepts several different insurance plans.  Another good one is Dr. Anne Taylor.  She's been in private practice for years, but has recently joined a group with OSU, and OSU is typically pretty good with insurance.

I'm in Hilliard, so if you have any questions for me, I'd love to help as much as I can.  You do look fantastic in your pictures!  Congratulations on the incredible weight loss. 

I wanted to mention something, because you made a comment that has me concerned.  Right now, I'm single, but prior to that, I was with my partner of 7 years.  At the point we got together, my self-esteem was at a very low point and because of my weight, I didn't feel I had any worth.  My point here is that I got into this relationship, which was a rocky, unstable one from the beginning, simply because I was looking for someone who would "tolerate" the way I looked.  You made the same comment in your response to Tom, which made me cringe.  You're an attractive man, Aaron.  Don't hope to find the one guy in the world who will "put up with" the way you loo****il you're able to gather up enough money for surgery or get it approved through insurance.  Hope to find a man who adores you - inside and out.  You deserve that and nothing less.

Andrea

Thanks for the response Andrea.  I will never "settle" for anyone, but I also have to be honest and ask myself if I could find me attractive.  Like I said as long as my clothes are on I am fine, but what about the moments in life that couples share?  Taking a bath together, dressing or undressing in front of each other.  It just seems impossible right now.  I say that because I have had to very negative reactions to my body from guys.  One was sweet as pie and planning our future together until he saw "it".  We have to be realistic and say yes beauty fades but you also have to want or be willing to wake up next to this person hopefully forever,  It is what it is I suppose.  I just wanted one moment in life where I didn't look at myself and think yuck.  lol

Hey Aaron-

I am having a similar problem with skin.  I am only about 8 months out from surgery but already only 5 pounds from my goal weight of 185.  If I could lose the skin, I would probably be well under goal.  With the rapid loss, my lower belly, lower back, ass, and outer thighs make me look like a shar pei.  Not a good look.  When I lay in bed it looks like when a tablecloth is half on the ground... all pooled up and wrinkly.  My hubby hasn't been thrilled with it either, but I am healthier, so that is the most important thing. 

I know my insurance isn't the least bit interested in covering in plastic surgery unless there are real complications from the skin.  I have enough to make me feel ridiculous, but it surely isn't enough to cause complications.  After my clinic follow up in August I hope to get a referral so I can at least price it out.  I know around here plastic surgeons are really good about finance options.  I may take me 10 years to pay off a better ass, but damn it, I want to go to the beach or get a massage without being too self-conscious.  

Good luck and let us know how things go.