Is this normal?????

My wife and I have been in marriage counseling for a while now. Anyway, I am a recovering alcoholic 14 months sober. We were seperated for a while when I was drinking. Anyway, we have discussed WLS for some time, and I kept putting it off. I finally admitted to my wife that I am afraid to lose my old comfort friend, food. What a relief!! Anyway, she says that she does not love me anymore. I understtand that I have been pushing her away. How can I convince her to see that I am totally committed to WLS to make myself happy again? I love her deeply, and I would hate to lose her. She rented herself an apartment last month with a 6 month lease, and she won't let me touch her, even to hold her hand. I've had weight issues for some time, and she said she is sick of me dragging her down. How can I make her see how much I lover her, and that I am making a big step toward my happiness?

Robert, Hello from a former "Moorhead, MN" girl from New Mexico! I always say the proof is in the pudding. In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, he had some difficulties with substance abuse. One day I had just HAD it with his behavior and shoved the phone book at him and said "Get help or get out." I came home from work that night and he had made appointments with counselors and a doctor. I waited patiently to see if he would actually keep the appointments, and he did. He is now 5 years clean and sober and doing better than he ever has as far as what he wants out of life, etc. Your recovery from alcohol and food addiction are things you should want to do FOR YOU. No one can love you until you love yourself. I know it sounds like a cliche but I have figured it out the hard way. I would guess if your wife ever had real feelings for you, she wants you to be happy. But YOU have to want to be happy for yourself, not for her. If recovery from food addiction and WLS are things you want to do, then do them because it is a gift for yourself. The rest will fall into place if it was meant to be. Also, from my own experience, I would suggest counseling. WLS is not going to take away the underlying reason you are emotionally in pain that caused the alcoholism and food addiction. You will have to deal with what haunts you regardless of surgery or not. My best wishes to you and your family. Happiness is out there, just reach out and accept it. K-

To Kathi and Jack: Thank you for your response to my question. I am finally at a point in my life where I am doing this for me. I guess I am just a stubborn person, I was the same way when I was drinking. Everyone told me I should quit, but I thumbed my nose at them, and waited until I decided it was time to quit. Now that I have disclosed my greatest fears to people, I am ready to conquer them. I just wish my wife could enjoy my optimism. I got the results of my pre-surgery blood work yesterday. Everything is a-ok except they said I had some enzyme abnormality in my liver. So, they are going to do a biopsy of liver tissue while they are in there. I am not sure if this is a common thing or not. Anyway, I am SO looking forward to this, and I only wish I would have found this site about 2 years ago. It probably would have been the motivation I needed to get sober even sooner. There are so many wonderful stories, and I can see that I am not alone in my feelings, which is a great comfort. It is very encouraging to know that others have felt the same things I do and have conquered their weight problems, allowing them to start on a better life. So, I am hoping the liver thing is just a precaution, and things will be ok. Thanks again for your responses. I work the night shift, 5 pm to 5 am, and I only work 14 days out of a 4 week rotation. I don't have internet at home anymore, so I will not post or reply as often as some, but I will check in whenever I get a chance. Have a good day everyone!

people who are married to alcoholic and food addicts find a comfort zone and don't have to deal with lots of issues. They are also part of the problem and part of the addiction they are being lazy. They don't have to deal with what it is. It is a great sabotage for them and it keeps them in control. They are also disfunctional as much as the addict. They make a perfect match. Once the addict get healthy they don't know how to function anymore they must not be lazy anymore and start working on the issues. They don't know how to do it. You must start with: 1 - the meeting of both minds: husband & wife 2- Great romance touching hugging holding hands 3 - problem solving together lots of talking and communication 4- find common interest that bond you together take small baby step one thing at a time. she may be scare in the beginning because it will require to work hard and a serious commitment. It is easy to say it and type it but it will require hard work and patience. I hope I am able to help. Dani