Obesity and Social Observations
First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who extended your condolences in regards to the Sunday post. Funerals really suck, and family support is what gets you through it.
That being said, if you've had encounters from individuals who haven't seen you in a while and express surprise at your appearance following a dramatic weight loss like the one most of us have experienced (you new guys will know what I mean soon enough), imagine walking into an entire room full of people who haven't seen you since the last family gathering you attended (let's say a year ago.) Well, that was me at the funeral home Sat eve. It was a little overwhelming to say the least. I must have repeated a similar conversation at least a dozen times in the hour or so that I was there. All of it was positive, and although I shouldn't have been the center of attention, it's always nice to receive compliments.
Fast forward to the family gathering Sunday after the services were over. During casual conversation with two very good female friends, I was made aware of several comments that were not made in my presence that were not as positive as the ones made to my face. Apparently some people were more comfortable with my old weight and appearance and conveyed those comments to my lady friends. They summized the comments were a result of insecurities that the folks who were commenting about me had in regards to their own appearance and subsequent obesity issues.
Isn't it curious that obesity can be such a pariah in our society to the point where someone who makes a drastic decision to alter their lifestyle to try and resolve medical issues that are present or up and coming as a direct result of their obesity is chastized for doing so? My personal decision had a lot more to do with eradicating type 2 diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol than simply becoming a "skinny person". Pure vanity was not my intention, although was a direct result of my decision to improve my lifestyle. And I think it's fascinating that some people took offense to it.
Bottom line is I couldn't give a **** less what other people think about me finally doing something positive for myself, and I just thought I would post my observation as food for thought for some of you guys who have or ultimately are going to be dealing with this issue. Appreciate your comments....
Just sayin'
Tim T.
That being said, if you've had encounters from individuals who haven't seen you in a while and express surprise at your appearance following a dramatic weight loss like the one most of us have experienced (you new guys will know what I mean soon enough), imagine walking into an entire room full of people who haven't seen you since the last family gathering you attended (let's say a year ago.) Well, that was me at the funeral home Sat eve. It was a little overwhelming to say the least. I must have repeated a similar conversation at least a dozen times in the hour or so that I was there. All of it was positive, and although I shouldn't have been the center of attention, it's always nice to receive compliments.
Fast forward to the family gathering Sunday after the services were over. During casual conversation with two very good female friends, I was made aware of several comments that were not made in my presence that were not as positive as the ones made to my face. Apparently some people were more comfortable with my old weight and appearance and conveyed those comments to my lady friends. They summized the comments were a result of insecurities that the folks who were commenting about me had in regards to their own appearance and subsequent obesity issues.
Isn't it curious that obesity can be such a pariah in our society to the point where someone who makes a drastic decision to alter their lifestyle to try and resolve medical issues that are present or up and coming as a direct result of their obesity is chastized for doing so? My personal decision had a lot more to do with eradicating type 2 diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol than simply becoming a "skinny person". Pure vanity was not my intention, although was a direct result of my decision to improve my lifestyle. And I think it's fascinating that some people took offense to it.
Bottom line is I couldn't give a **** less what other people think about me finally doing something positive for myself, and I just thought I would post my observation as food for thought for some of you guys who have or ultimately are going to be dealing with this issue. Appreciate your comments....
Just sayin'
Tim T.
Tim,
Very interesting post. I have been very open and honest about my surgery and my subsequent weight loss. I have had no one come and say anything even remotely negative to my face about it. However, I am POSITIVE that it has happened behind my back. I am positive of this only because I am very well versed in human nature and know that people say stupid stuff.
With that being said, I have noticed that many folks treat me differently. Some better, some worse. One example is that I have noticed that with the "former me" that my friends would never ask me to do certain things or help with certain phyically demanding tasks, I am sure that this is because of my weight at the time. To back that up, they have started to ask me to do those things now that I have lost 169.6 lbs.
On a brighter side of the same issue, I work for a Police Department (as a civilian) and are around a LOT of very physically fit guys every day. One of the ones that is very vain and works out every day, married to a model, etc, etc, etc, stopped me today and talked to me for a good 10 mins about how great I was doing and wanted to ask how my progress was and such. (Keep in mind that he is not someone I would have ever expected to support my decision to have WLS) It is times like that which more than make up for the dumb asses that I know are talking crap behind my back.
Ultimately, I made the decision to change my health for the better and am glad that I did. I didn't do it for anyone else but myself. In fact, even though my wife has VSG WLS 3 weeks after me, my decision was made to have WLS before I ever spoke with her about it. Our lives have changed drastically for the better, and to be frank, I dont give a damn what anyone else things.
My Dr says my 'ideal' body weight is 174lbs. However, I don't think I would be happy at that weight, so I have set my own at 200lbs. My reason for saying this is... I am living for me, and don't give a crap what everyone else thinks.
Keep up the great work, brother. Hope all goes well for you, and to sum it up with one of my favorite qutoes -- "FU&K 'EM, FEED 'EM FISH HEADS!!!!!"
Very interesting post. I have been very open and honest about my surgery and my subsequent weight loss. I have had no one come and say anything even remotely negative to my face about it. However, I am POSITIVE that it has happened behind my back. I am positive of this only because I am very well versed in human nature and know that people say stupid stuff.
With that being said, I have noticed that many folks treat me differently. Some better, some worse. One example is that I have noticed that with the "former me" that my friends would never ask me to do certain things or help with certain phyically demanding tasks, I am sure that this is because of my weight at the time. To back that up, they have started to ask me to do those things now that I have lost 169.6 lbs.
On a brighter side of the same issue, I work for a Police Department (as a civilian) and are around a LOT of very physically fit guys every day. One of the ones that is very vain and works out every day, married to a model, etc, etc, etc, stopped me today and talked to me for a good 10 mins about how great I was doing and wanted to ask how my progress was and such. (Keep in mind that he is not someone I would have ever expected to support my decision to have WLS) It is times like that which more than make up for the dumb asses that I know are talking crap behind my back.
Ultimately, I made the decision to change my health for the better and am glad that I did. I didn't do it for anyone else but myself. In fact, even though my wife has VSG WLS 3 weeks after me, my decision was made to have WLS before I ever spoke with her about it. Our lives have changed drastically for the better, and to be frank, I dont give a damn what anyone else things.
My Dr says my 'ideal' body weight is 174lbs. However, I don't think I would be happy at that weight, so I have set my own at 200lbs. My reason for saying this is... I am living for me, and don't give a crap what everyone else thinks.
Keep up the great work, brother. Hope all goes well for you, and to sum it up with one of my favorite qutoes -- "FU&K 'EM, FEED 'EM FISH HEADS!!!!!"
HW: 429 SW: 380 Height: 5'08"
I hear you. I tell people the mental side of WLS can be harder than the physical side...People really don't understand till they're in the middle of it. You get treated better in society...Like...He's a normal size (he must really have his act togeather...If only they knew). You get treated better in business situations. You make eye contact more. People (strangers) say hello to you...It can really mess with your mind if you're not grounded in this stuff. Then you hear the..."well, he has gotten too skinny!!" Or my favorite..."I wonder if he has cancer??" It gets old after awhile and you don't even notice it...Just roll with the punches.
My cardiologist said I was dying...Congestive heart failure. I had an ejection/fraction rate of 35%...Not long to live. I asked if there is anything that could be done? He said WLS may help...but may not. Fast forward about 6 years I'm still alive and kicking. I did it for my health...The extra stuff is a bonus...I'm alive!!
My cardiologist said I was dying...Congestive heart failure. I had an ejection/fraction rate of 35%...Not long to live. I asked if there is anything that could be done? He said WLS may help...but may not. Fast forward about 6 years I'm still alive and kicking. I did it for my health...The extra stuff is a bonus...I'm alive!!
Hi Guys,
I was very intrigued by your post Tim, as well as the comments from other folks so far.
I too have wrestled with Psychological aspect of WLS. The physical can be very challenging, but the mental element is just as difficult, if not more so. I was Obese for as long as I can remember. Most people saw me in that form. Now that I have lost about 150 lbs MOST people have been supportive and positive about it. Still, I too am versed in human nature and I am sure there are those that are negative and/or judgemental. Interesting, it is often those we are closest too! I only say this as I have had family and close friends question my decision for WLS. They are entitled to their opinions. However, I mad the DECISION of WLS to save my life. I was not in immediate danger of dying, but as long as I was obese I was taking years off my life.
All of that said, this is my view on opinions. Opinions are like ***holes, everyone has them, they all stink, but we never think ours do!!!!
Best,
Bill Mac
I was very intrigued by your post Tim, as well as the comments from other folks so far.
I too have wrestled with Psychological aspect of WLS. The physical can be very challenging, but the mental element is just as difficult, if not more so. I was Obese for as long as I can remember. Most people saw me in that form. Now that I have lost about 150 lbs MOST people have been supportive and positive about it. Still, I too am versed in human nature and I am sure there are those that are negative and/or judgemental. Interesting, it is often those we are closest too! I only say this as I have had family and close friends question my decision for WLS. They are entitled to their opinions. However, I mad the DECISION of WLS to save my life. I was not in immediate danger of dying, but as long as I was obese I was taking years off my life.
All of that said, this is my view on opinions. Opinions are like ***holes, everyone has them, they all stink, but we never think ours do!!!!
Best,
Bill Mac
Hello Guys,
I don't think i have noticed that part of the mental game yet...But after i had surgery i knew why I had to see a psychologist first. This is a huge mental change as well as a physical change. All I get are positive comments but I still have a ways to go and I'm sure Ill get the your too thin comments...but i don't give a crap what they say. I did this for me, not anyone else.
Tim sorry to hear about your loss
Doug
I don't think i have noticed that part of the mental game yet...But after i had surgery i knew why I had to see a psychologist first. This is a huge mental change as well as a physical change. All I get are positive comments but I still have a ways to go and I'm sure Ill get the your too thin comments...but i don't give a crap what they say. I did this for me, not anyone else.
Tim sorry to hear about your loss
Doug
may God Bless all you guys your testimonie has helped me make my descion for wls i no i have to do this to save myself type 2 high bp sleeep apnea adema in my legs i got it all and on top of that i,m 53 with bmi61 i,m doing this for better health pepole can think what they want i,m doing these things for me keep up the good work cause ya,ll inspire me i nooo it ain,t easy!
Tim, I always enjoy your honesty and candor. In fact that is what the men's forum is all about.
It's funny how, in the beginning of our weight loss journey, we are excited when our friends and family give us recognition for our success. After a while, however, we feel awkward and embarrassed with the attention. I feel all of us are going down this road for our health, not for vain reasons. With that, I join the choir that says screw them. This is about me and what I want.
I only hope is that when I am at normal weight, I don't turn into a fat bigot. One who looks down on heavy people and think lees of them because of their size. I unfortunately have to report that I am married to a fat bigot. Of course she will deny this, but that is my cross to bear.
d
Great Post Tim and awesome comments by everyone else. I have noticed a huge difference in how strangers and acquaintances treat me know that I am almost 200 pounds lighter. There is definitely a cultural bias against obese folks and I've experienced it first hand throughout my life. I would have WLS again in a heartbeat and wouldn't change a thing. I feel better now than I have in my entire adult life. If folks around me can't handle that I am now getting thinner then I really don't give two sh*ts. The people around me that matter are very supportive so that is all I need and am really starting to love life now more than I ever have!!
9/9/09: Highest Weight: 506.5 lbs 9/20/10: Tufts Start Weight: 492.4 lbs
2/7/11: Surgery Wt: 462.5 lbs. 9/16/12: Current Weight: 287.8 lbs.
4/15/12: First 5K - BAA 5K - PR 35:49
Still getting positive comments, like "Hey there SLIM..." which are nice. My Pastor thought this weekend that I was now skinnier than him, and we are really only about 13 pounds apart! (He is 217, me 230 approx)
Now when I see someone really large I just want to go tell them that there IS a system if they can get on board, but I know that could be construed the wrong way and just keep my peace. Course if they hear my story and ask...THEN I can be all kinds of positive!
So no real negative stuff yet that I know of, though my wife did give me a funny look when I had a pair of jeans come in, she had tried em on and good not get them to button and they fit me just fine / slightly loose! :)
Now when I see someone really large I just want to go tell them that there IS a system if they can get on board, but I know that could be construed the wrong way and just keep my peace. Course if they hear my story and ask...THEN I can be all kinds of positive!
So no real negative stuff yet that I know of, though my wife did give me a funny look when I had a pair of jeans come in, she had tried em on and good not get them to button and they fit me just fine / slightly loose! :)
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