Disappearing

Hi everyone.  This is my first time posting and I am pretty nervous about doing so.  I have been lurking around for a little while and have found this site so helpful.  My surgery is scheduled for April 11th and I am extremely nervous.  But what keeps coming to my mind is this image of me disappearing.  Let me explain...I have never been skinny.  Some people have that old pair of jeans that they fit into in college.  They have the image of themselves when they were thin.  I dont have that at all.  So when I try to imagine myself as being thin, I see nothing there and that gives me the image of disappearing...that I will stop being who I am. I know that that is ridiculous.  But its the thought that keeps coming to mind.  I guess the bottom line is that I have no idea how to be thin and its so overwhelming.  I guess I am just wondering if this is a normal feeling and if so, how do others deal with this!

My whole life I was CALLED fat, and from 14 onward i was morbidly obese

It was weird to think of myself as thin. Hubby surprised me by saying he actually looked forward to me being smaller breasted. I could not even THINK about what it would be like to lose my imposing presence, be small breasted and Not have a HUMONGOUS butt! 

Inability to picture it didn't keep it from happening. I'm now this little person I never ever could have imagined. '

Most of the time I still think of myself as large/huge! Full length mirrors startle me all the time to show that I am a tiny person adn not a huge one.

It's a natural thing

congrats on your date! 

Like you I have never been thin...  my overweight issues started in toddler years and just went up from there.

I lost 100 pds in the 2001-4 and anytime I saw myself I didn't recognize me.  

But saying that - the one thing I sooooo want to hear is someone saying, "you've lost too much weight" or "you look too thin".  OMG - I would give anything to hear those words.

I don't fear disappearing, I fear not being succesful and not getting smaller.

I think everyone's fears are very real.  Why not talk it out with someone?

Awww Tessie, I like you... you have a nice gentle nature.

My surgery is a week from today.  I am nervous, but what I have found is I have up and down days.  Some days I am ready to cancel and others I am super motivated.  Today is a good day and I hope I only have those from here on out!  I just want to get past the first few weeks and start heading towards the losers bench.  Good luck!

Congratulations on having your date! The idea of being thin can be overwhelming, you're definitely not crazy or alone!   I am the same way in that I really do not know what being skinny is like, so being thin is the "alien" feeling and being fat is the "normal" feeling.  Your feelings and thoughts are valid concerns, it is good that you are being cognizant of your emotions. As you get smaller you will be able to reassess how you feel and the "strangeness" of being thin will be balanced out by how good it will feel!   For me the fear of "disappearing" got replaced by the fear of being TOO visible, because people started to notice me a lot more as I get smaller. The attention is something I personally have a hard time with so it is something that I need to give attention to.   

I find the best thing that works for me in figuring out how to be thin in this world is to either journal about it or talk to someone who can relate and understand.  Good luck with everything, you will do great. It is great that you are talking about your fears and concerns, it shows that you are prepared!  

I understand.  Like many others who have posted, I have never been thin either.  My smallest was a size 16 when I was 15 and I biked 10 miles a day for three months to get there.  I am two months out now and about 40 pounds down.  I worried about the same thing.  What I have found, to my suprise, is that I feel bigger now than I did 40 pounds ago.  Not bigger physically bigger, but stronger emotionally.  It is only 40 pounds but I have found that I stand up for myself more.  Others are noticing that as well.  I felt more like I was disappearing when I was gaining.  Hang in there.  It is a wild ride.  And don't be afraid to ask for help.  

perfectly said!! i have lost weight and i have been my version of thin which is like a size 12/14ish but never have i been skinny. When i was smaller though my confidence was through the roof. now that i am at my highest weight...about 250...i feel like i am disappearing as well. i never ever go out anymore...i just hide in my room, hang out with a few close friends and I know for a fact when i get this surgery and the pounds start coming off i will be a social butterfly again...at least i hope so.

Your post truly "hit home" for me!  Even in 6th grade, I was told that I could lose the "baby fat"!  (I was in size 16 at the time!!)  I was born at 9lbs 10oz, so I never had a "skinny" moment!!  Now, nearly 3 years post op, I'm 1/2 the person I used to be!!  (Started at 265 and now maintaining at about 125 to 130). I've been called "skinny" and "too thin" but, to me, I am where I need to be!  I am HEALTHY and that's all that matters!  Your body will know when you need to stop losing.....don't worry....just work your plan and it will work for you!  Inside, You are STILL you....people need to realize that (as well as you do) and then move on with the outward appearance!   Good luck!