when do you start to Love yourself?

I see many posts about pounds, calories, protein, etc.  But when do you start finding yourself happy?  When do you wake up and stop saying, oh god I'm so fat?  The first 5 lbs?  20?  50?  Thats what I'm most looking forward too.   I'm revising from band to RNY in June and wish everyday June was here. And also, for you food addicts like myself, how do you deal with the loss of food?  Do you cry? get angry?  I know the surgery will most likey physically take care of my food addiction, but what happens in your mind and heart??????

Uhfortunately, if you were unhappy before your surgery, just losing the weight will not make you happy.  It will also not "cure" your food addiction if you believe you are really addicted... all it does it keep you from eating very much at one time.  A true addict can easily find ways around that restriction!

It also sometimes takes several years before people's brains catch up with their bodies and they begin to see themselves as the normal-sized people that they have become.  WHen you will START to see the change is really a very individual thing and depends a lot on how much weight you have to lose.  (For people witha  LOT of weight to lose (150-200 pounds or more), it can take losing 50 pounds before you cahnge a single clothing size, so that makes it harder to SEE the transformation that is taking place.  Fortunately, the smaller you get, the less weight you have to lose to change a clothing size.

If you are not in counseling, I would strongly suggest that you find a counselor with experience with addictions counseling, or with eating disorders to help you with this process so that you have the best chance of long-term success.

Lora

Unfortunately, surgery does NOT cure addiction.  You need to get treatment for your addiction if you want your surgery to be successful.

Surgery does not make you love yourself, either.  I don't know when you will start to love yourself.  Maybe when you get some therapy to help with your addiction.

 Although I completley agree with Lara and Kelly... Therapy is a great idea. I really think I started to love myself the day I decided to have my surgery. I spent 27 years being a Mom first, a wife second and somewhere behind every other responsibility in my life I was Kelly. 
SO ... last February I went to my seminar and here I am. Changing my life in evey positive way I can think of :)
Just a thought .

Every person I know who truly LOVES themselves are self centered, selfish, biotches!  So, I hope you never truly love yourself. 

Having said that, what SHOULD determine your satisfaction with yourself and your life is how you LIVE.  Surgery and getting healthy, taking care of yourself so you can take care of the ones you love...definately a step the right direction.

Speaking of my own experience with this the past year...I still hate my body.  I've gone from an obese "ugly" person to a skin flappin, thin haired, wrinkly faced "ugly" person.  At 5'7" and 195lbs, I still have my fat rolls, they just hang lower.  My boobs look like thin little cow udders when I bend at the waist, and my hair, although never fabulous, is just horrible.  But I'll tell you...the love from my family and friends hasn't changed, it's still the same.  I know what I have accomplished this year, and I have a clear path for the coming year...it's a process I will NEVER regret, even with the negatives!  Love yourself for what you've done and are doing and about to do...not for who is looking back at you in that mirror!

On the topic of addiction...I'm a food addict, my brother in law is an alcoholic, I know drug addicts, gamblers, etc.  An addiction is a constant and life long battle,  it is never cured.  I will give you this piece of advice...stay away from high fructose corn syrup...even in low dosages.  It triggers the pleasure centers of your brain...acts like a drug/alcohol and makes you crave it even more.  Don't cave into the "oh a little bit won't hurt" because that is where it starts...next thing you know you've downed a half gallon of ice cream and calling out to God to kill you because you are too sick to move!  If you crave a sweet, make it yourself.  Use a little cane sugar, but mostly artificial sweeteners.  The cane sugar will calm your craving (especially at that time of the month) and it won't make you keel over from sugar overdose.

You don't need to lose food...you need to portion control it.  Deserts, yes, you need to be careful with...but you can still have them.  Heed this warning, though, DO NOT EAT A DESERT AT A RESTAURANT.  They are oversized and WILL make you sick.

Everyone you know that truly loves themselves are self centered and selfish?  I suspect they may not truly love themselves, but of course I have no real way of knowing that.  I think hoping someone never really learns to love themselves is kind of sad, though.  I hope one day you DO love yourself - and that you aren't selfish or self centered about it!

I am in Therapy, thats how I became to realize I was a food addict.  I just assumed others with obesity had low self esteem as I do.  I love ME, I hate my body.  I may be harder on myself since I have a lot of guilt b/c of being a lap band failure.  I had my surg in 08 and get angry that I have to go thru all this again.  I'm sure "some" of us on here are food addicts.  I would guess most of us are......  but people really get in attack mode when anyone brings up food addiction. I have no problem admitting that food is my drug.  And, I also believe that just like other addicts, (drugs, booze)  I will always be an addict.  I will just have to control it.   But I do find myself allowing more food in preparation that this summer I will have to go on my pre-op diet,  then surgery and life style change.  I guess with my band, I was just so excited.  Now four years later, I seem to be more emotional with the realization of how things are going to change for me.  I'm so ready to start this journey but  in the back of my mind, I have already done this once, and try not to get my expectations too high this time. 

I would strongly disagree that most people who have WLS are food addicts, and -- in my 5 years here -- I have rarely seen people get defensive (I assume that's what you mean by "in attack mode") regarding food addiction.  Some people who are addicts are in denial, of course, but they more usually just dismiss the idea than get defensive about it.  I think that once people have admitted that tehy have enough of a problem with food that they need surgery to get their weight under control, there is a certain level of acceptance about not having control of their eating.

I am a licensed professional counselor, and I can tell you that MANY more of the women who are MO or SMO have a history of childhood abuse (physical or sexual) or neglect, or of adult trauma (usually rape) than are food addicts.  They eat for comfort and they use (or attempt to use) the excess weight as "protection" from further assault/abuse. 

Lora

I would tend to agree with you. Food addiction is very different, which is why when I see people talk about it facetiously (not this original poster but you know that we see that around here), I get quite angry.

Mostly because, first and foremost, food addicition has very little to do with food. If it wasn't food it would be something else. But for the most part, it's about hurting yourself because for whatever reason you don't feel worthy of happiness and well-being. It's that process. Food was just the vehicle I used to hurt myself. So when I hear people say they are food addicts because they feel guilty about enjoying a cookie...yeah that drives me a bit batty.

While I wouldn't say ALL post-ops are food addicts, I'd be willing to bet a fair share are and don't really know it. Not that they are in denial, just that they've always perceived their inability to control their eating as a character defect and not the disease of addiction. Like "if only I were stronger, I wouldn't do this anymore."

At any rate, I know plenty of post-ops who are not food addicts. The ability to eat less was enough to get them in line. My sincerest wish for the future of WLS is to get more synergy going with the psychological community to address the slightly different post-op needs of true food addicts.

 This is just my belief (and sometimes what I practice with clients), is that happiness is a choice. It's not somewhere you'll arrive, once certain conditions are met. Too often there are the conditional limits put on happiness: once I lose X lbs, once I meet a man/woman who loves me, once I find that right job, once I have more money. The problem with that thinking, and not saying those things don't help, but if you don't have them, then what? The opposite of having those conditional states is not having them, so with that logic, the opposite of happiness is unhappiness. 
I hope this makes sense and the basic point I'm getting at is the work you start doing NOW on finding yourself happy and stopping the self-defeating thinking will get you there. Get into therapy as soon as you can and really start working on the head stuff now! When food has been a coping mechanism in your life, it's very important to start building up your coping skills library so that the mourning period can be not as traumatic, as you're saying goodbye to that maladaptive habit.