My daughter followed after me and had gastric bypass surgery.

Every since her surgery October 25 she has not been able to eat barely.

Everytime she eats and now drinks she throws up.

She was supposed to get a scope done to stretch her esophagus but had to reschedule because her boyfriend hurt himself and she was then his nurse and didn't take care of herself. She had to take care of him and her 1 yr old son and neglected her own health.

She went to the hospital the other day.

They admitted her, did CT scan, ultrasounds, xrays I think, they also did a laporascopic exploratory surgery and there was no stricture, no ulcers, gallbladder looked good and they searched for an internal hernia and nothing. Everything looks good. He did a biopsy of her liver tho.

They are releasing her today with nothing wrong but she's been throwing up since she had the surgery. I was speaking to nurse over the phone and she said she is fine since she's not throwing up and I told her that's because she's there and your giving her nausea medicine, she's been throwing up since the surgery.  I've asked the hospital have the dr call me ( I live in Tennesse, my daughter is in Virginia ) but nobody has ever called me.

My daughter ( In my opinion ) seems to have an eating disorder.  Are there places she can go for this? She lives in Newport news Virginia.

Thank you

As I'm sure you know, there is a big difference between an eating disorder (which is a mental health issue) and a physiological problem causing functional issues that inhibit proper nutrition. After WLS, both are possible.

If she hasn't gone back to her surgeon, that would be the first step. There are many, many, many stories here of folks who went into the hospital but were misdiagnosed or not properly treated because the ER physicians weren't familiar enough with WLS and it's effects on the body.  Please make sure she's seeing a WLS specialist.

If she does in fact have an eating disorder, I know that the Renfrew Center -- one of the premier treatment centers for disordered eating with locations across the country, including near DC -- has a treatment track specifically for those who have had weight loss surgery. 

Best of luck to you and your daughter as you search for solutions.  You are a wonderful mother for trying to get her help. 

Hi,

Yes, she went back to her surgeon who did the gastric bypass.  I really know he's a very good doctor because

he also did surgery on my best friend in Virginia. I also know some other people who he treated as well.

So yes. How does she get in touch with them?

She does see a psychologist but also put off her appointments for them as well because of what her boyfriend did.

They have information in their website but if she is already under the care of a mental health provider, she should start with that provider. They can refer her to a specialty clinic if that's what she needs. 

This boyfriend thing sounds a bit hinky.  Are you sure there's not anything going on with him?  Why would she not go to an appointment because he's hurt?  Are you sure he's not controlling her in some way?

Could you not go and stay with them got a few days to see what's going on?

He tried to hurt himself. He was in the hospital. She was going to leave him and then he did that and everybody blamed her for him doing that to himself. This isn't the first time this has happened. I think its only a matter of time before he does something again and this time he may take her and their 1 yr old with him.

I have given her a number to call to speak to someone at a Hope foundation but she doesn't want to go where she don't know anyone. I don't know why but I tell her over and over that she should go. I think (and I'm not the only one who said it) that they are toxic for each other.

She is in Virginia and I am in Tennessee. She cannot live with us and she now has developed an eating disorder.

I was just on the phone with her while she was being discharged and her boyfriend came in and she said "HOLA" that's are code word for "she cant talk" so I told her that I love her and talk to her psychologist.

I'm sure there's a lot she's not telling the psych and me for that.

You need to get her and the baby out of there.  I recognize my ex husband in these behaviours and he nearly killed me when I left him (no exaggeration)  If he goes ahead and kills himself, it is in NO WAY her fault and sorry if this sounds heartless, but at least she and the baby will be free.   There is nowhere for this to go but down.  

She needs to get in a shelter.  Please help her - this sounds so dangerous.  

She is NOT responsible for that man (i.e. boyfriend).

He is using emotional blackmail to control and manipulate her.

Psychologically sick people surround themselves with friends and family members that "cater" to their illness. They usually find ways to punish those that dont play to their sickness/wants. (This was told to me by my husbands pastor when discussing my mom and our relationship...). The fact that she thinks "Everyone" thinks SHE is responsible for his "potential" suicide shows he has drawn her into his "sick circle."  

She needs to get away from him, his friends, his relatives and help herself.

If he commits suicide, it was HIS choice not hers. SHe didnt put the gun/knife/rope/car key in his hands and force him to shoot/stab/hang/gas himself.

If he is THAT unstable, is it even safe for her son to be near him.  Kind of tramatic to come home to a toddler screaming cuz "daddy wont wake up"

SkinnyScientist

Who once escaped a controlling abuser in her late 20s and it started so "innocently" and slowly. Within a year, I was reduced to having no faith in myself, decision making abilities, or the ability to make it "out there" despite receiving a Ph.D., double majoring in biology and chemistry while working 3 jobs...and living on own since I was 18. I was a nanny for 3 families at one time. People trusted me to make the correct decisions with their children and I couldnt even "decide" WHAT to make for dinner nor "cook it correctly" (according to him).

She may or maynot have an eating disorder, but it sounds like there are a lot of emotionally unhealthy things going on. If you can I would suggest a visit. Yoh can always tell more in person than long distance.

I think a visit from grandma to Virginia is in order... you know, to see your grandbaby... you can make a better assessment of things in person. Virginia has lots of battered women's shelters for Women and Children and they are all over the state, easy to get into and free.