Re evaluating my relationship with food/sugar aka I think I dump

I ate one of my mother's delicious chocolate cupcakes with frosting, and homemade ice cream, last night.

It was f*cking delicious.

And then the stomachache started. Heart pounding a little bit. Feeling warm and flushed.

I've had this reaction with sugar foods before but I never thought it was dumping because it wasn't as dramatic as descriptions I've heard: having to lie down, feeling like you were going to die, etc. I live in my head all the time and tend to ignore my body, so I just ignored my physical feelings and ate anyway.

Please don't judge me. I'm still learning how all of this works. What I should have done was try the sugar free cake recipe in this book I got called _Before and After_, about a woman who had the surgery. The recipe for molten chocolate cake sounded great. Instead I wanted what my mother normally makes (and she's a great baker). 

This all makes me sad. I'm still mourning food, I think. Good thing I meet with my surgeon's therapist on Monday and my regular therapist on Wednesday.

Thanks for reading.

I can totally relate. Sweets were my favorite food group before surgery. I would go and buy two payday candy bars and eat them at one time and then hide the wrappers. I spent 52 years filling myself up on the delicious baked goods that my grandmother and mom made. Most of our family memories revolved around food which played such a huge part. It was delicious I can't deny. BUT it was what was slowly killing me. It gave me diabetes,high cholesterol,high triglycerides and high blood pressure. It made my back and knees hurt every single day. It made me exhausted beyond belief and unable to keep up with my family. It was slowly separating me from others and stripping the fun of life away. I lost both parents at a young age due to diabetes and I was headed there too thanks to my favorite foods sweets. But luckily I have an amazing husband who loved me even heavy and wanted my life to be fuller and better. He had a friend who had had WLS and we talked about it. I had had enough and was finally ready to take the leap,and it was a leap. Today I still like tasty food,but it's not my focus. I eat to fuel my body,this amazing machine that has regenerated and renewed itself with my help. I have my life back and am off all meds for cholesterol,triglycerides and diabetes and only take one low dose pill for blood pressure. I walk 4 miles a day at least,feel great,have more energy than ever and now others can't keep up with me. I feel better than I did at 25 because I was obese even then and I am almost 57 now. You are truly lucky! Your came to your senses sooner than I did. You have a chance to turn this around now before you do permanent damage to your joints. Now is the time to put your foot down and push food and especially sweets where they need to be--on someone else's plate. Yes,sometimes when I smell cinnamon rolls baking in a bakery I miss them BUT then I am reminded of how much stronger and healthier I am now. I am living life and loving it 153 pounds lighter. You can be there to but it's your choice. Please don't waste this precious time when you can lose weight easily! Life can be so much better!!

 You look great in your After picture btw :)

It is not about judging... but if you don't want feedback, why are you posting this?

We all hit what I call 'The idiot button" sometimes.... but I am concerned for you if you are eating a cupcake with frosting and homemade ice cream at 3 months out. Yeah, it is "f*cking delicious" but - so what? This is the easiest time to stay on track... if you are struggling now, it doesn't get easier.

My suggestion would be to see an eating disorders counselor. You are sabotaging yourself....

I do appreciate feedback; I want to be on track and lose this weight. I think that talking about it, for me, encourages me to not "hide" when it comes to food. before surgery I hid my eating and food all the time.

I think talking to your therapist is a great idea. I guess I've gone into this surgery with the mindset that I HAVE to be successful at it. Eating carbs/sweets will sabotage that. Now I'm not saying there aren't plenty of opportunities to eat them. They are literally EVERYWHERE. Let me give you examples:

Wed: made brownies for kids at my house- drank water

Thurs: candy for game during training at work- drank water

Fri: iced brownies and cookies with glaze and fresh fruit on top at staff meeting- drank water

Sat: ate breakfast out with kids, they all had biscuits and gravy.- I had 3 pieces of bacon

**I guess what I'm saying is that the temptations are there, we just have to figure out a way to resist them. So what if you didn't dump? What if you didn't have one single symptom of dumping? Would you eat something sweet every time you were around it? Because I'm guessing if I had done that this week, I would be looking at 3000 extra calories. 3000 calories=1 pound.

I don't know the solution for you, and I'm not trying to judge you. I love sweet things and will probably always struggle with this. Maybe when I've reached maintenance, I will try something sweet if I think I can trust myself. But maintenance is at least 75 pounds away for me.  

In December, my DH and I are going to Hawaii to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I've already thought that it's going to suck if I can't have a tropical drink if I want one. But you know what? Being able to fit in the airplane seat comfortably for the long flight, and buy a week's worth of new bathing suits and sundresses is going to be better than drinking a sugary tropical drink.

Keep pushing Chemeriste. You can do this.

if you are going to Hawaii in December- don't forget to bring a pillow you can sit on. The plane sits are so uncomfortable and once you lose all the extra padding - sitting on a plane for a few hours is really going to hurt.  We went to Hawaii in February and I was  very happy that I remember to bring my "butt" pillow.. 

I'm not judging you, but I really hope you can find a way to stop going down this path. It's way too early in this process. Please, do whatever it takes to develop a new relationship with eating. 

This will get much, much, much, MUCH harder at one year, two years, three years out. End it now, or you will be kicking yourself later.

Some people say this is a marathon, not a race. That'sucks not true. If you reach your goal, it turns into a marathon. In the meantime, treat it like a race. Sprint. Run. RUN!!! Get the weight off now, the faster the better.

It's the addiction to sugar, the physical part, then there's the emotional attachment to food, especially since it was your moms baking, the mental part. Both together makes it a hard habit to break, but you must try. Right now you experience dumping, so the physical part may be a bit easier to break since I'm pretty sure you don't want to feel this way again. However the mental/emotional part will take longer to break. Yes you're mourning food, we've all felt this way at some point, you just need pointers/strategies to deal with it next time, cuz believe you me, there will be a next time.

I don't experience dumping but I do have a sweet tooth & experience all the other nastiness that goes with eating too many of the refined carbs. The high, followed by the crash & feeling like crap, the increased feelings of hunger & now the increased desire for more carbs & if I had just resisted in the first place, I wouldn't have had to detox later. I think the other op had a good idea, with drinking water to stave off temptation. You'll have to find what works for you.

Don't waste your honeymoon period, it only comes once. Good Luck to you.

I'm not judging you. I am concerned for you that you have had several of these occurences, and you are still early out. It seems you are in the grip of a ferocious head hunger.  

This behavior doesn't bode well for your success. I didn't indulge until I was at least a year out and never with a whole cupcake. Not because I'm better, because I am not. I didn't indulge because surgery and losing my weight was my last chance at health. I had high cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and I am certain I was working on diabetes. That was all at age 38.

I had to remind myself I ate anything and everything I wanted for 38 years. It got me fat, sick, and with a ****ty self image. The only reason I had surgery is so that my obesity-related diseases didn't take a slow, miserable 30 years to kill me, as they did my wonderful grandmother.

I also am a talented cook and baker. My food is also ******g delicious, but eating it in the quantities I wanted did me jack **** worth of good.

It would be nice sometimes if we could eat with abandon and have no consequences, but it's not possible. Our eating has consequences, just like everything else. The consequence of you continuing this way are going to be if you do get to goal, you will likely have a regain.

You CAN do this. You may have to remove temptation, though, to give yourself a better chance. There are foods that cannot enter my home. I will hop on the justification train and eat them, all the while telling myself that it's not that much, or other similar bull****