How we perceive ourselves
I don't know about anyone else, but as I was reading anniva's post down below, it occured to me that my perception of myself has changed - some of it good, some of it still needs work.
I have become more relaxed about how long its going to take me to reach goal. I am post menopausal, having finished meopause at the ripe old age of 49. Its harder to lose as you age, and I've accepted this, and no longer get dismayed by reading the posts of younger people who seem to be losing at twice the rate I am. I'll get there. I've finally realized the meaning of "slow and steady wins the race" in a way that means something to me. I can celebrate the losses of others without becoming anxious. I'll get there. I've even stopped stressing that, at 3.5 months out I may only have a few more months of "fast loss" before it slows down. Since I've been losing slowly, I hope I simply continue at this pace.
These are the good things that have changed about me.
On the other hand, I've become aware that how I perceived my fat body was amazingly off track. When I was young and didn't have much weight to lose, I always thought of myself as fatter than I actually was. I felt like a cow and was convinced I looked like one. Pictures of me from that time do not lend this view credence. I was almost a normal weight, albeit somewhat chunky.
When I gained and gained and gained to the point where I was well over 300 lbs., I certainly knew I was big, but I think the reverse happened at that point, and didn's realize how truly large I had become - until I started losing weight.
I am now over 50 lbs. lighter. I feel better. My mood and outlook are better. Although, while people notice, its not a huge difference yet, and there are still some people who have not commented. This may be because they aren't sure (bad enough), it may be some people that get jealous (a few), but more likely because there are those who just don't really see anything yet.
Wow, 50 lbs. gone after 3 months of grueling work, and to some people I don't look different. That tells me something about how out of touch I was regarding my size. Well, I'm still wearing a lot of the same clothes. They are big, to be sure, and have bought a few new things several sizes smaller, but I still wear a lot of the same things.
In reading annva's post, I think its tough to work hard, lose weight, get smaller, but still see such a mountain that needs to be climbed. This is true in my case. Its not always easy. But I have a leg up - I'm rarely hungry. This means I can't decide to chuck it all and go eat a bunch of cheeseburgers, chips, cake and pizza. I'm going to get there. If it takes other people a year and it takes me a year and a half, I hope my restriction holds, that hy hunger stays at bay, and I keep watching inches and lbs. slowly melt away.
What else can I do? For me, impatience is a trait I am choosing to leave in the past (regarding THIS issue, anyway, lol!). This truly is a gift I want to enjoy, even when I have days where I want to strangle my husband, yell at my kid, get annoyed at bosses, co-workers, and hate the way I look in my new top.
I feel free.
I have become more relaxed about how long its going to take me to reach goal. I am post menopausal, having finished meopause at the ripe old age of 49. Its harder to lose as you age, and I've accepted this, and no longer get dismayed by reading the posts of younger people who seem to be losing at twice the rate I am. I'll get there. I've finally realized the meaning of "slow and steady wins the race" in a way that means something to me. I can celebrate the losses of others without becoming anxious. I'll get there. I've even stopped stressing that, at 3.5 months out I may only have a few more months of "fast loss" before it slows down. Since I've been losing slowly, I hope I simply continue at this pace.
These are the good things that have changed about me.
On the other hand, I've become aware that how I perceived my fat body was amazingly off track. When I was young and didn't have much weight to lose, I always thought of myself as fatter than I actually was. I felt like a cow and was convinced I looked like one. Pictures of me from that time do not lend this view credence. I was almost a normal weight, albeit somewhat chunky.
When I gained and gained and gained to the point where I was well over 300 lbs., I certainly knew I was big, but I think the reverse happened at that point, and didn's realize how truly large I had become - until I started losing weight.
I am now over 50 lbs. lighter. I feel better. My mood and outlook are better. Although, while people notice, its not a huge difference yet, and there are still some people who have not commented. This may be because they aren't sure (bad enough), it may be some people that get jealous (a few), but more likely because there are those who just don't really see anything yet.
Wow, 50 lbs. gone after 3 months of grueling work, and to some people I don't look different. That tells me something about how out of touch I was regarding my size. Well, I'm still wearing a lot of the same clothes. They are big, to be sure, and have bought a few new things several sizes smaller, but I still wear a lot of the same things.
In reading annva's post, I think its tough to work hard, lose weight, get smaller, but still see such a mountain that needs to be climbed. This is true in my case. Its not always easy. But I have a leg up - I'm rarely hungry. This means I can't decide to chuck it all and go eat a bunch of cheeseburgers, chips, cake and pizza. I'm going to get there. If it takes other people a year and it takes me a year and a half, I hope my restriction holds, that hy hunger stays at bay, and I keep watching inches and lbs. slowly melt away.
What else can I do? For me, impatience is a trait I am choosing to leave in the past (regarding THIS issue, anyway, lol!). This truly is a gift I want to enjoy, even when I have days where I want to strangle my husband, yell at my kid, get annoyed at bosses, co-workers, and hate the way I look in my new top.
I feel free.
I can really relate to this! I recently came across some "before" photos taken at the tender age of about 21 when I was about to embark on a diet - lol! I did not even looke chubby - not skinny but not really in need of losing weight - I looked trim and athletic. Fast-forward to before surgery 30 years later - I knew that my weight was out of hand and that I felt huge but I really never saw my size in the mirror - photos, yes but nearly never in the mirror, but I definitely felt the pain in my joints every day. After losing 40 lbs I am healthier already and am not in a race to lose the weight as quickly as possible. My physical activity will increase and I am certain that I will continue to lose weight - my goal has always been health and losing pounds alone will not get me there - my body needs exercise so how ever long it takes me to feel strong will be how long it takes me to see my body differently.
~*Sandy*~ Ht 5'7" HW 262/SW 254/GW 160/CW 155
My mind has stayed at 120 pounds since high school. Every time I saw myself in a mirror since then, I thought, "Who is that FAT woman?" it didn't help that many of my friends were overweight and told me that I " carry it well". Ugh. I don't ever want to hear that again! So now, 50 pounds gone and I see the fat lady in the mirror. It's like my brain is in denial that I'm losing weight!
I had a lab tech hitting on me today... I've seen him 100 times before with no reaction, but today, I was not the fat lady to him. Weird. I wanted to scream "I'm still JENI!", but thought I'd get some odd looks if I did that! Lol.
So, yes, my perception of myself has changed, but is not in tune with what I am becoming... Yet. And others' perceptions of me are changing and I'm not sure how to react to that. Hmmmm. Something to think about. Great post! Thought provoking...
I had a lab tech hitting on me today... I've seen him 100 times before with no reaction, but today, I was not the fat lady to him. Weird. I wanted to scream "I'm still JENI!", but thought I'd get some odd looks if I did that! Lol.
So, yes, my perception of myself has changed, but is not in tune with what I am becoming... Yet. And others' perceptions of me are changing and I'm not sure how to react to that. Hmmmm. Something to think about. Great post! Thought provoking...
HW: 250 SW: 224 GW: 135 CW: 124
Its funny, Jeni, but sometimes I find myself annoyed also that people who did not previously engage much with me now seem to want to talk more, even if it IS just about my weight loss and surgery. Sometimes I want to say, "Hey, I'm the same person I was before I embarked on this weight loss and health campaign."
I sometimes feel as though I am in mourning for the good person who was always here even before this started happening. I'm not sure how to handle feelings of annoyance at others who don't mean to hurt me, but just the simple action of INTERaction with me can set it off.
We do become touchy.
I sometimes feel as though I am in mourning for the good person who was always here even before this started happening. I'm not sure how to handle feelings of annoyance at others who don't mean to hurt me, but just the simple action of INTERaction with me can set it off.
We do become touchy.
I comepletley relate to your feelings and how we perceive ourselves.
I have often told my husband that I have "dylsexic anorexia"...meaning that
I look in the mirror and see someone who is smaller than I really am.
I still see someone who is large..very large but not in the full sense of the
word.
Freedom from ourselves, our perceptions can often be the best gift we can give ourselves!
I have often told my husband that I have "dylsexic anorexia"...meaning that
I look in the mirror and see someone who is smaller than I really am.
I still see someone who is large..very large but not in the full sense of the
word.
Freedom from ourselves, our perceptions can often be the best gift we can give ourselves!
I just talked to my husband about this very subject this weekend. When I was growing up I weighed 110 - 115 pounds. I always thought I was so fat. In my twenties I was 120 - 125. My mom would take me with her to Weigh****chers. Because I am only 5'1 I was considered overweight (crazy right). When I would beat myself up for being fat no one in my family would say what are you talking about you are thin. Fastforward 20 years and I weigh 219 and when I talk about this surgery everyone in my family says your not fat you don't need that. Where were these people 20 years ago. Today I don't see myself as heavy as I am unless I see a current picture. Then I am like wow I am heavy. When I look in the mirror I don't see the same person that I see in a picture. I just don't get it.
This has really made an impact on how I raise my two daughters. When they both went through puberty they both got chunky. I never said a word to them. I patiently waited and sure enough it all evened out. They are beautiful slim girls. I never tell them to finish their plate. They both stop as soon as they are full on their own. I have never in 18 years heard either one of my girls talk about their weight. They are both very confident. Hopefully by learning from my own mistakes I have taught my girls what I didn't know when I was their age.
This has really made an impact on how I raise my two daughters. When they both went through puberty they both got chunky. I never said a word to them. I patiently waited and sure enough it all evened out. They are beautiful slim girls. I never tell them to finish their plate. They both stop as soon as they are full on their own. I have never in 18 years heard either one of my girls talk about their weight. They are both very confident. Hopefully by learning from my own mistakes I have taught my girls what I didn't know when I was their age.
I posted on this a while back too, it's a form of body dysmorphia. You can fool yourself in the mirror - but every now and then when you let yourself be caught on camera, the truth comes out. So you avoid the camera, you post the photos of just your face/boobs at a downward angle. You don't even KNOW you are in denial - but you say things like "At least I'm not THAT huge". Which is a terrible thing to think. Because since when is 250 pounds better than 350 pounds? IT ISNT. Your husband likes "thick girls with big boob/butts" so you tell yourself it's ok..as he gets fatter along with you. Well - Beyonce is thick. Kim Kardashian and J-Lo are thick - thick and healthy looking and IN SHAPE. Nothing wrong with being a "not skinny" girl - if you are healthy. 250 pounds is not thick - it's morbidly obese (at least in my case). I'm glad there is a place in the world for non-supermodel sized women, but ya gotta watch it!
~Kristy~ VSG 3/29/11 ~ 15 pounds lost pre-op, SW - 240/GW - 150
I'm pre-surgery but I definitely have been avoiding pictures for a long time because it's the only thing that shows me the truth.
My dh always gets annoyed because I'm constantly asking him if I'm bigger than that girl in line at the grocery store or are my arms fatter than that girl sitting at the table next to us?
I should be more concerned that I even have to ask. I honestly don't even care if I reach a weight that is the standard normal - I just want to get back to where I was when I smiled more.
My dh always gets annoyed because I'm constantly asking him if I'm bigger than that girl in line at the grocery store or are my arms fatter than that girl sitting at the table next to us?
I should be more concerned that I even have to ask. I honestly don't even care if I reach a weight that is the standard normal - I just want to get back to where I was when I smiled more.
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