WLS after divorce---am I making the right decision?

HELP!...I am in need of some insight....and I guess a forum full of strangers is a good place to start, right? 

Here's what's on my mind........It's been almost 3 yrs since my husband left me...1 1/2 yrs since our divorce was finalized. I am 5'2" and was 215 when I met my husband, 220 when we married, and crept up to 230 over the course of our 5 yr marriage (funny, I never told him my weight). He was 210 when we were married and then lost 40 lbs on Atkins...and kept it off....2 yrs into our marriage. I tried, but failed...like 20 times. My weight caused complications in our marriage over the years (back issues, sprained ankles, loss of intimacy, depression, and most importantly INFERTILITY due to PCOS). Although I knew our marriage was failing and I suspected he was cheating (with multiple girls over the last 3 years), I was blind sided by the news when he got his employee PREGNANT! I was devestated!!! I was overweight, already depressed, couldn't bear children, and now a 21 yr old (not so skinny girl) was going to have my husbands baby. EVEN THEN...I didn't leave because I had zero self esteem. I stayed with him and was put through emotional HE**...and then 8 months into her pregnancy, he left me for good. I was crushed.

So that brings me to some concerns. I tell myself the decision to get WLS is for ME, but do I really just want revenge? Do I want to get healthy, skinny, and HOT just so I can show him what he lost?  Also, am I ready for another HUGE life changing event? What if I FAIL??? Even when I knew losing weight was the only way to manage PCOS so we could have a family and an overall happier marriage... I couldn't do it. And why is HE still in my head making me doubt myself?

*sigh* I appreciate any thoughts, encouragement, similar experiences, etc. Sorry for the long post...I just wanna make sure my head and heart are in the right place as I move forward.  THANKS!

    I'm single....so take what i say with a grain of salt.   i would say....if you are doing this "solely" to "show him what he lost"  than surgery might be a bad idea at this point!  What happens if you get "hot" and he still rejects you?   Or he wants you....but you find you are still unhappy? 
     You MUST  do this for yourself,,,,not for someone else....or revenge.   You may have a BIG wake-up call when you lose the weight....and life still sucks!   Work on being happy first....do this for you!  If your ex feels remorse for what he did to you.....then it is just a bonus!  Good luck! 

Perfectly said...  It's kind of like the expression, "Money can't buy happiness..."  True, but having money makes being happy easier.  Weight loss won't neccessarily make you happy, but it can make being happy easier.  There is a reason why suicide rates after WLS can be higher than average.

There are a few similarities to your story to mine, I broke up with my 2 year live in GF in April of last year and decided that I wanted WLS right after moving out.  It wasn't so much to "show her" what she missed out on, I think she already knows that.  lol  And if me being thin causes her more issues than that's just a bonus, although since she lives a state away she'll never see me again.
I made the decision partially because I liked being in a relationship and figured it would be easier to find one at 230lbs instead of 420lbs. 

And there was the getting rid of diabetes too....

Thanks for the insight! I miss being in a relationship too, but I am more excited about getting healthy and being happy with ME first. I know any future relationship will be so much more fulfilling when that happens. Good luck to you!

Not having kids is no reason for your husband not to keep his trousers on.  That was just his weak mindedness not your fault.
PCOS makes it REALLY difficult to loose weight if not impossible so that is not your fault either.
If you do decide to have surgery do it for YOU. So that you are healthier.
Weight loss surgery is hard and it does not automatically bring you happiness that has got to come from you.
Have you had any counselling about the end of your marriage. I think that would be a good idea before you make any decisions. Get to love yourself as you are a nice person.  Ask your friends. They like you for who you are.
Good luck

Thank you for the insight! It's always good to hear opinions from someone from an objective point of view!

I had a lot of counseling during the seperation and after the divorce. It helped a lot. Actually, I'm really happy now and have NO intention of EVER getting back with my ex husband.  Yeah, I'm still fat....but I know that my marriage didn't fail because of me alone. I have forgiven myself for my part and have resolved to MOVE ON and make a better life for myself. After the divorce, I sold our home, moved to a new city, got a new job, started working out and eating better, and now I'm working towards VSG. That's the 98% of me that's sure this is the right path for me. Now I just need to stop wrestling with the person I was before the divorce...low self worth, depressed, and co-dependant.

Guess I am just dealing with some residual feelings. I want to make sure that starting the journey toward WLS is not just a distraction from dealing with issues left over from my failed marriage.  

My two cents is that the best revenge is a life well-lived. All of us have the straws the broke the back of our hesitations for surgery, and a painful divorce is as good as any. Of course you want to work through this with therapy or time or whatever works for you, but I think feeling healthier and more attractive as a result of VSG is a great way to help build your new life. You deserve to be happy, and why shouldn't a new physical self reasonably be a part of that? You've done a lot of rebuilding already, so pat yourself on the back for that!!

If it were me in your exact same situation..I would do it in a heartbeat..For one it will help you with your pcos,plus you can be a hottie and get revenge all at the same time while helping you with your health problem...Things can only get better.If you hold off doing it like I did for years you might just keep gaining and things get worse but its your decision its something you definetley need to think about its not an overnight decision..It has taken me 10 years to finally decide to have weight loss surgery.I did it and i dont regret it one bit..I could have never lost 60lbs in 3 months without it...

Awesome words of encouragement! I definitely needed to hear that. I have been overweight my whole life and I feel that at 31 yrs old, it's just getting plain old. I want to experience life, not simply exist. I looked into lapband 5+yrs ago, but didn't go through with it. I wish I had done something back then though because I feel like I wasted my 20s. That's not going to happen with my 30s and the rest of my life though. I am excited to be sleeved . Your story helps me know in my heart this is right for me. Thank you!
 

BTW---do you have PCOS or know anyone who has it and has the surgery? Just wondering if the weight loss is slower and how long it takes for symptoms to start becoming minimal :)
 

i dont have pcos, but ive seen alot on here who have and they have done great..GOod luck with this..Its one of the best things i have ever done for myself my only regret is not having done it sooner..I look so forward to life instead of dreading everything now..My whole outlook on life has changed..