Feeling Like a Failure - Am I Alone (cross post)

I had VSG surgery on 10/17/11. To date I have lost 50 lbs and 67lbs (total) including my preop loss. When I do the math my 50lbs comes out to more than 2.5lbs a week. Looking at that it's GREAT!! I've gone from a size 22/24 pants to a loose 18. I have gone from a 2XL shirt to a XL or L. I get compliments all the time, but I just don't feel it. I feel like I'm not losing and that the other people who have had the same surgery are doing so much better than me. I look in the mirror and I don't see what other people are seeing. I smile when I get compliments and even blush sometimes, but I just don't truly feel the compliments. Ughhh it's so frustrating. What's wrong with me that I don't see how amazing it is to be down to 219lbs after all these years? I weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant 6+ years ago. It's so upsetting to me. I'm hoping that when I weigh less than 200lbs that this feeling of failing will go away, but I honestly don't know. Am I alone?? Thanks in advance for your posts.

I understand how you feel. I seriously think our brains need time to adjust to our new bodies. I really do not see a 50lb loss when I look in the mirror, even though I know intellectually that my body has changed alot. The proof is there but I still don't always believe that I have changed that much. I had the perception that I was losing weight super slow and it took looking at the big picture and some comments from my NUT to realize that I am doing well for having been sleeved on Jan. 5th! You are doing a fabulous job and I think it will just take time for your brain to catch up with your body.

I know what you are saying, but you are doing amazing!  You've lost 117 lbs and I'm sure you are not only looking great, but also feeling much better than you did before.

I am definitely a glass half empty person and I can get into these types of mind games with myself.  I am going to try my best not to do that, but that is easier said than done.

I am also trying hard to remember that we are ALL different and just because the weight comes off more quickly for someone else, doesn't mean that it will for us, nor does it mean it is the right way for us. 

I'm not in the same place as you are, but I wanted to offer my 2 cents and encouragement that you're awesome!

Sorry for the confusion, but it's only been a total of 67 pounds.  Thank you for your post.  It is hard to not compare and realize that we are all different.

I feel very much the same way.  I thought it would get better the smaller I got, but I still feel that way a lot of the time.  I read that it can take 1-2 years for our minds to catch up to our bodies.

Hang in there!  Eventually we'll see it in ourselves!

Hang in there. You are not alone.

Surgery on your stomach doesn't fix your head.  How we feel about ourselves, fundamentally, is not just about the body and body image.  I think there's a common misconception that if you fix the weight you fix the poor self-image.  That's often not the case. Rail thin super-models can be filled with self-loathing just in the same way certain 300lb women light up a room with their poise and self confidence when they walk in.  I would see a counselor.

 You are doing great!  You have no reason to feel like a failure, You should be incredibly proud of yourself for a number of reasons:

First - You made an incredibly difficult decision to take a drastic step to improve yourself.  For wahtever reason you did it, you decided to turn yourself around.

Second - after choosing an incredibly difficult path, you put in the work both beofre surgery and after.  You committed to a lifelong journey to a healthier you and stuck with it.

You have no cause to feel shame or disappointment.  You have every reason to feel proud, joyful, and happy.

This journey is very personal for all of us.  There are averages used for statistical purposes, but there is no schedule that says you have to be losing at this rate, or you have to lose so much by a certain time to be a success.  The only thing you are looking for is that constant downward trend and sticking to your program.  I am sure if you look across the people sleeved at the same time as you you are doing better than some, and slower than others.  Its not a race or a contest.  You are doing fine.

Very few people understand the emotional challenges that come with being obese your entire life.  Male, Female, whatever we all feel it.  We know what its like to see everyone looking at us and judging us.  Whetehr other people actually think it or not, we imagine their pity for us for being so miserably fat, we imagine them judging us as lazy for not doing the work to stay in shape.

Part of our healing and getting healthy is learning to love ourselves again, of quieting those voices in our heads that whisper this poison into our souls.  My first piece of advice - Listen to those compliments and the words of people who love you.  They are probably more sincere than you imagine.  Second, does your program have a psychoologist led support group?  You can get a lot of tools in there to help rebuild your self image, change your relationship with food, and deal with sressful situations.

Congratulations on the good you have done, and God Bless.

First, we must never compare our weight loss to others.  All of our bodies are different and some lose faster than others.  Regarding seeing the weight loss in yourself.  I am still after losing 145lbs feel the same way sometimes.  There are some days when I look in the mirror and say wow, I look great and there are other days when I feel the same as I did at 308lbs.  There is a lot of metal games to play with weight loss.  Are you taking monthly pictures?  That is sometimes the only way I can see it on myself when I put my beginning picture next to a recent one.  Know that you are not alone, everyone goes through this but that's why we are all here to help each other through it.  It will get better!

 Hello, boy do I know what you mean!! First off they did tell me my brain will be 6months behind what I should be seeing, so I will wait and see! Also I am still waiting to get below 200.....(I'm actuallu 187 now but cant get it through my head!! HA!) Give it time....your brain will catch up!

I feel fantastic, and am super happy with my losses. I was sleeved on Oct 11, 2011. I have lost a total including pre op of 80lbs, post op 54lbs. I am still losing and not a failure. I lose a healthy 2-3 lbs a week and that is normal and healthy. So I don't understand your reasoning of thinking your a failure. We are only different by about a week in our timings. It isn't a race, it is a journey to a destination of healthy living. So keep up the good work, set mini goals that are achievable and keep working. Oh and compare photos of your highest weight to monthly photos it really does show the difference.