Bariatric Surgery and Divorce - my reality

I just wanted to be real with my friends here at Obesityhelp. You hear all the time about increased divorce rate with bariatric surgery patients. Well I guess I am one of the "statistics". When couples are obese they accept alot of crap in life especially with eachother. Food becomes the couples focus and helps to ease the pain of a stressful marriage and becomes an unhealthy bond. At least that was my experience. To complicate things I battle with bipolar disorder and depression. She has been there for me through the good and bad and I love her deeply for that. I thought if we were both "skinny" we would have an awesome active marriage. Well she got the surgery, lost lots of weight, looks great and well things still didn't work out. Once the weight was gone and both of us started feeling good about ourselves and food was out of the equation we realized we really didn't have mu*****ommon. We were pretty much roomates that called eachother husband and wife. It was a brave bold move on both our parts to actually follow through with the divorce. We know that we both deserve to have a passionate marriage and we both love and want the best for eachother. While I don't expect many of you to understand my situation I assure you we both are in total agreement on the matter. We will continue to be friends and share our lives together at a distance. I moved to a different town to start my life over again. So can bariatric surgery cause divorce. Well the answer is complex. It can definately bring truth to a marriage and really test the compatibility of a couple. When your fat and miserable and wallow in the trap of food to ease the pain you both kind of settle. Once you break out of your shell and realize and discover who you both really are things can change.

To make a long story short it is what it is so to speak. We both love and respect eachother and will always be lifelong friends. Sure our marriage has ended, but it a pleasant, drama free, mutual decision and to make things even easier there are no kids involved. Well thats my confession so to speak and I hope you don't judge me too much.

Why would anyone judge you? You're silly!

Divorce sucks, break ups suck. All of that sucks.

Your post reminded me of something someone posted on FB the other day. When her and her husband got together they were both thin. It's been 3 years that they've been together and she's pretty big now. Absolutely big enough to have surgery. She's at least doubled her original weight. He's gained a good 80 pounds. Anyway, he was in the hospital and she posts on his FB wall something about "I wish my hubby would come home! I miss my eating buddy!" And they are both constantly posting pictures of food. I know it's kind of off topic but that just reminded me of a relationship that can be kind of drowned out by food...

Sorry about you having to go through a divorce sir :(

What's to judge?? 

Just because you're getting a divorce (or got a divorce) doesn't make you a bad person.  I think it's great that you had the guts enough to follow through and be honest with not only her but yourself.  I don't believe that sitting in a loveless marriage is good for anyone.  It sounds like you made the best decision for both of you and for the right reasons.  I see a lot of divorces happen when one (or both) of the parties isn't honest and/or faithful; I could see people being judgemental about those cir****tances.  Like WLS, sometimes you have to make a decision that may end up being painful for a bit but necessary for your long term well being. 

((((((HUGS)))))))  It will all be okay in the long run. 

As long as there are children that are being hurt, and you are both acting in good faith, what's too judge?  You are doing what is best for your life, you both deserve to find the passion, love and friendship that a great marriage offers.  I wish you peace with your decision. 

No judging. Just wishing you both the best

I come from a religious background, Daddy is a preacher and has been since before I was born, I am strongly opposed to any sort of judgement. Only the people who pay the consequences of a decision get to judge a decision. You have to do what's right for you. I've separated since surgery and my family is having a stroke over it. I could care less at this point.

If you were beating her or cheating, I admit I'd have a small flare up of judgement but I'd fight to squa****  Deciding t move on, there's nothing in that decision between two grown adults that anyone has a right to judge.

My doctor did tell me that the statistics are very high for this after WLS. I think it's because of the things you mention: the lack of food as a coping mechanism causes us to deal with things we have been ignoring.

Good luck on your new journey. I know you will continue to grow and focus on making the best out of the future. Look at it this way, at least you are making positive and healthy changes that will lead to true happiness...not merely existing. Best wishes

 I wish you all the happiness you deserve!!!! 
Who did your surgery?  I'm having mine done in Charlotte too.  

 No judgment here. It takes a lot to first, realize you're unhappy, and second, actually do something about it. I am sorry to hear that things didn't work out, but you seem very much aware of the reasons why it didn't last. To me, that is a significant step. Best of luck to you in your new life. 

I got divorced 14 years ago and though I wouldn't call us lifelong friends, like in your case, we still keep it civil for the kids sake.  I had custody of my two girls since 2001 and though it wasn't easy trying to raise them alone, I did the best I could.  I still have not met anyone to remarry which is sad, but I hope that loosing the weight will help that situation.  I am still much happier now then if I would have stayed in a bad marriage and don't regret my decision.  

Best of luck to you on your journey!