Dating post VSG, let downs and realizations (long)

So the last couple days have been interesting and enlightening...

I've just recently started dating again. I dated a tiny bit during my weightloss phase but had a couple bad experiences and decided I was done until I hit goal. It's just too much for most people to handle and I felt like I needed to work on me, selfish, but sometimes we need to be selfish.

The first guy I started dating right before I had surgery and I got about 60 lbs down when he told me that he thought I was more attractive fat... well, sorry for your luck. Said goodbye and didn't really think twice about it. The second one was a friend for YEARS and things were going well when I found out he started dating someone else, found out because his new girlfriend sent me a message on facebook... cute, scumbag.

Well, fast forward to now... Sunday I had one of the most awkward dates of my life with a guy that seemed really nice and turned out to be super socially awkward and kinda creepy. Eh, whatever... I wasn't super let down, if anything I chalked it up to experience and moved forward.

Tuesday night I went to have drinks with another guy who seemed pretty nice. He was smart, funny, intelligent and we seemed to click pretty well. I have to admit I was pretty excited. Went back to his place after drinks and hung out for a while, we kissed and ended the night with setting up another time for us to go out.

He sent me a text message yesterday letting me know that he thought that I was great, but... he felt like he needed to be honest with me, that he had gone out with me just to sleep with me. And said about halfway through the night realized he had more a conscience than he thought he did. But he felt terrible about all of it and that he was sorry, and he wasn't ready for anything. But he saved my number, and would let me know when he was. I told him to go ahead and lose my number...

Obviously, I felt like trash after getting that text. I felt used, dirty and stupid. Mainly because, he seemed nice and I thought it could possibly go somewhere.

My pride/ego was very bruised and if I'm completely honest, the first thing I wanted to do was eat something terrible and carby. I actually considered it for about 5 minutes, sat at my kitchen table thinking about what I was going to eat to make myself feel better... And then my phone rang, a friend asking if I would go get drinks with him cause he'd had such a bad day and needed someone to talk to.

So I went and had drinks with my friend instead (just friends, he's married...) and listened to him vent about his bad day. And I opened up and told him about the dating woes and listened to the same advice everyone gives, "It's all about timing, it'll happen when it's right". And while it's not what I really wanted to hear, I know deep down it's true. Don't misunderstand, I'm not looking for anything serious or long-term (I'm not husband hunting, lol), I just want someone to spend time with. I miss companionship. But ultimately, I know that if something is going to work out in that area of my life, it'll just happen. *sigh*

So, today, I still feel like tra**** is what it is... I feel entitled to be a little hurt about it still. But I will move on. As always, I'm a work in progress and will continue on.

p.s. I realized this morning that I joined the double century club yesterday... 200 lbs from starting weight... HOLY HELL!

your candor brought tears to my eyes. we are all on this journey of self-recovery together. i, too, wonder how dating will be once i have this new body and shatter the fat shell. i wonder about the extra skin. i wonder about how fast, how, and where i will lose the fat. i wonder about the journey ahead. i wonder about intimacy. i wonder about love after wls... i wonder so much... your journey is an inspiration. and your candor is fuel... tell yourself "this too shall pass"... you will find the right guy when the time is right... but what is most important is that you found YOU... that, you cannot lose, nor can it disappoint you... BIG hugs...

Good for you for not giving in to the food "fix". I am sorry you are having a hard time with this whole dating thing right now...

I know that everyone says this and it is such a clichè..but it is so true....when you stop looking for something...it will find YOU. So continue to be "selfish" and just do things that you enjoy.....continue to love being with you...the new you.

HuGs You are a strong woman who has accomplished so much, don't let a man for a moment, think that you are any less than you are.

Congratulations on your success

Don't spend one more minute feeling like trash!!!! There are sooooo many guys out there....you just have to keep sifting through the pile!!!! I actually think that it's a positive thing that that guy was honest with you! He may have had just one thing on his mind, but then he found you so likable that he just couldn't follow through his plan. Think about how bad you would have felt if you'd slept with him and then never heard from him again! Just keep focusing on bettering yourself! You are sooooo pretty, and from reading your posts, I can tell that you have a great personality!! You have just lost 200 pounds!!!! Wowowowowowowow!!!! Just remember the word NEXT!!!!

I am not here to man-bash, because I am sure there are just as many messed up women out there as men.  HOWEVER, sheeeeeeeeeeeesh, the dating scene sucked!!!   I was excited about it when I was getting slimmer, I hadn't dated much when I was younger.  My husband and I were splitting up, and I figured dating would be fun.  NOT! 

There are so many guys out there that will tell you ANYTHING....argh

I dated a guy for a couple of months that was a widower.  Well, miracles DO happen, as his wife came back to life and gave me a call. 

I did end up finding a winner, eventually.  Talk about having to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince!!  Good luck!!

LOOOOOOOLLLLLL! You killed me with The Resurrection! OMG! Funniest thing I've heard in a while! Now, was she surprised to know he was lying about her!? Amazing!

He had his story down pat....I think he  must have fooled a lot of women with that sad story, so she shouldn't have been surprised about it!!  She was demanding to know my last name, etc., said she was going to drag me to court.  I told her that she needed to be mad at her husband,  not me.  Some women put up with all kinds of BS.  Sad, but true!

Good for you for putting yourself out there!  A bruised pride/ego can hurt and, like you, I'm an emotional eater too so I can relate.  You are absoultely entitled to be hurt and a little digusted by that one guy who just wanted one thing (I hate those guys). 

You're beautiful, smart and funny and you will find someone that's worthy of spending your time with.  I too am looking for that and know when it is right then I will find it. 

CONGRATS ON THE DOUBLE CENTURY CLUB!!!

 Yesterday I was feeling much like you. I get it. I sat and felt a lil sorry for myself. I needed to. I went to dinner with my bestie, hung out with another friend... And felt a lil better. Chin up babe... Oh and this always helps me:

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the **** on." 
― Tupac Shakur tags: moving-on 1,365 people liked it