One week out, husband told nosy/loudmouth neighbor

I'm one-week post-op, and through this entire process, I've kept the fact that I was going to have WLS private. I can literally count on my fingers the people who know, and that includes my surgeon!  It's not that I'm embarrassed that I've had WLS, it's more that I'm a private person and don't think it's anyone's business to know. 

Until my husband got home from work yesterday. The first thing out of his mouth was, "I told Jim (our neighbor) about your surgery today."  WHAT?  When I asked my husband why he did that, he said the neighbor asked if I had a surgery so he told him all about it. Apparently my husband confused somebody "asking" with a "need to know."

I am so disappointed with my husband right now. This neighbor is known for being a blabber mouth. I'm sure that our entire block either knows already (half of them sit outside together boozing it up every night) or will know today at a graduation party.  

Obviously there's no way to take this information back, so how do I respond to people who ask me about it?  I want to make it clear that I really don't consider it anyone's business, but without being *****y about it.  The snarky person in me wants to put it back on my husband - tell people that I'm not really comfortable talking about it, but my husband will tell them everything they want to know.

Advice?

TIA,

Naomi

that's a tough one.....sorry you have to go through that. I also told almost no one....even my kids don't know. I've found that everyone has an opinion and frankly I'm not interested in what others feel is their right to comment on. I always love it when some jerk says.....just eat less and you'll lose weight.....for crying out loud, IF I could do that, would I have needed to go this route????..........those are usually the ones who weigh 95 pounds soaking wet. One of my old neighbors used to tell me that she ate a Wendy's salad for lunch every day and she was usually too full to even eat dinner............WHAT???????????? I was glad when she moved away....don't miss her snarky attitude at all.

So, first thought that comes to my mind.......if someone asks if you had surgery, my best friend always says.........Why do you need to know?

Next thought, if someone asks why...................Why do you need to know?

Another, if they ask what made you do it.................Why do you need to know?

If those options are uncomfortable, how about saying........my doctor and I felt this was the best option for me and frankly, I prefer not discussing it as this is a very personal journey.

I'm not sure if that helps, but now you need to go hit your husband in the back of the head with something (only kidding).....and ask him to please not discuss such a personal matter with others again without your permission.

I LIKE ALL OF THE ANSWERS ANITA!!  LOL

I'll tell anyone who asks about my surgery. I don't treat it as a big deal. If someone asks how I lost weight I say, "Oh I had surgery." and that's that. Usually the person will say I look great or ask how I feel or ask how much I lost to which I respond, "Thanks, I feel great and 160 lbs."  Then they usually wander off and don't bother me anymore. 

Be forthright and honest and don't make it seem like a big deal. People will pick up on it if they think you are trying to hide something and then they will NEVERTHELESS stop hounding you.  That is my advice to you. Good luck with your nosey neighbors!

Jen

I agree that treating it as no big deal really helps people lose interest. I also will tell anyone at any time. I've found most people are only mildly curious and will move on once they know.

Of course, now I know lots of people who never knew me as SMO, so it doesn't come up nearly as often as it did the first couple of years.

So sorry you have to deal with this.  I chose to share my information, and the first few responses were less than supportive.  My favorite was the friend who told me that 'if I'd just give up that low carb diet, and start eating more fruit and nuts, I wouldn't need the surgery! HA! Or the acquaintance who guessed about the surgery and started asking me about how I'd deal with all the excess skin - like that's something I wanted to discuss with a stranger.

 So I changed the way I told people. 

I started telling people that I was working with a team of medical professionals at Lahey Clinic to deal with my obesity and they recommended the surgery.  This prevented a lot of the second-guessing.  I did still get some "well, you know, most people gain all the weight back"  - which is neither true nor polite.  I'm a competent woman, and why would anyone who knows me think I wouldn't have researched it. Sigh!

All I can say is it will fade away quickly enough.  I'd just minimize it and change the subject.  People will get the message.

best wishes,

Carol

Hi, I am very new to the boards and am pre-op.  I am sorry what you are going through, people can be so judgemental.  

I made the choice to tell my family and friends.  My family was very supportive and some close friends were supportive. But, my "thinner" friends all had some opinion about it, questioning me with the "why?"  

I eventually changed my responses from trying to explaining my reasonings to, "why not?" It's amazing how throwing those 2 words back at people changes their tones.  I also was lucky in that the friends who took it a step further were those who wanted breast enlargement surgery or already had it done. So, I would then ask why they felt the need to fix their breasts.  This ended the discussion with them immediately.  

It's a very personal decision and we all have our reasons for doing it, who to tell,  etc.  I base my responses on how the person talks to me about it. If they are condescending, then they get a condescending respons. If they are genuine, then they get a genuine response.  That may sound petty, but it's my business.  Same with you.  Good luck and I know you will handle it well :)

Wow, that's very frustrating! I hope you made it clear to your husband that it's not okay if he tells any more people. I hope your neighbor acts respectfully and doesn't blab to everyone.

I struggled with telling people I was in the process of pre-surgery. I haven't told a single family member, mostly because none of them really talk to me, and I didn't tell many coworkers until I got a surgery date. Now I show up on the OR schedule on July 25th. I work in the same OR I'm having it done, so every person I work with is going to know. The positive side is that I get to hand-pick my OR staff. I have mixed feelings about everyone knowing, though. I've decided to embrace it, talk about it excitedly, and stress that I'm very happy with my decision. They can think whatever they want to think.

Still, it's a personal decision and I understand your frustration.

The cat is out of the bag and you cannot un-tell.  People will be interested for a while.  Most of them will think you could have lost the weight without surgery.  Some will ask about having surgery themselves. 

Remember that very few people who need surgery ever get it. 

Enjoy you chance to become slim and healthy.  If people ask me about it, I tell them that I took the easy way out because the hard way was not working for me.

What can they say after that?

DONE! LMBO..