Wednesday, May 9, 2018

I love that you have an EV charge station. And soon to have an EV. So many good habits, have you (said Yoda)

Yep, the EV is at the dealer right now. They are just getting it prepped and charged. Joy ride tonight. I was thinking of naming it "Buzz". But I might also name it Cupcake after the car of my now deceased best friend. Hmm

I am not sparkly today, people! I just am not.

However, I want you all to be utterly astounded.... I went to bed at 11:00 and did not get up out of bed until 7:02. 8 hours in bed. Okay, not all were spent sleeping because I started the waking up and going back to sleep thing at about 5:00 am. (For me that means I wake up about every 15 minutes or so...) probably doesn't make for great sleep the last two hours, but still, that's pretty good for me. I am pleased and consider last night's sleep session a big success!

It is odd too me that I am strangely tired today. Wonder if it is the long days due to the 140 round trip drive to breed Ella after school each day? The past two days have been 15 and 14 hour days respectively

Addict, Schmaddict! Whatever the hell you want to call it, it's an issue for far more people than must me! LOL! Today I had an "active alcoholic" moment, but with sugar. So, yesterday, too much sugar was consumed and I felt ill at some point during the day. I was very well aware of why I felt the way I felt and considered all my actions that led to the feeling. I focused on how my body felt and stayed as conscious of the feeling as possible. Last night I though I should really get off the "weed" (aka sugar) today. Did I plan and prep for it? No. The kid who did his SuperKid presentation today brought in homemade carrot "pie" (very basic carrot cake). Of course I had a small piece. That was all I needed to trigger the sugar eater within.

Now I tell you this to point out this is the same behavior people who are aware of alcohol being a problem but are still in the throes of abuse engage in regularly. Does this sound familiar to any of you? You know, the old, "I won't ______ today." But then you go ahead and do _______ and that action is followed by bewilderment, shame, regret, self-recrimination, fear, loathing, or some other such non positive self message.

This is where I am today. Closer and closer to understanding that abstinence is the path I am going to have to take, IF I want to get relief from the sugar cycle and get a grip on my regain and start losing and feeling healthy.

Cecily's photos freaked me out. Don't know why. I have had elective eye surgery, rhinoplasty, and hair implants. You would think nothing would bother me on that front, and usually it does not. I'm not sure why I was taken aback by Cecily's photos!

Hugs to all. Strong love, support, and empathy to Paula, Ben and the boys!

For me, sugar begets sugar, simple carbs (which are just another form of sugar) ditto. The misery that comes with getting off it is miserable. Until I do, and get it totally out of my system, it is impossible for me to keep away from the stuff for any length of time.

I'm sorry to freak you out! I should have asked first or direct folks to my profile page...

OMG, no!!!! Clearly, you don't understand my off sense of humor and ick factor level. So sorry. I'm perfectly okay with the pics. It's just plain freaky looking! You gotta admit it! So, yes, freaked out in the most fascinating of ways! No apologies needed here for me!

Late checking in...160.0 this am. Liz, love is manifest in action and caring attention. You appear to abound in it. Bless your heart.

Thanks for saying that but don't ask DH if he agrees. My patience has been missing a few times lately when he behaved like a petulant child. I know it is the disease but sometimes lately he just pushes my buttons. I feel guilty about that...

Don't feel guilty for being human. We all run short of patience. Yours is a particularly difficult situation that neither you nor DH trained for.

Thanks Shel. I love that I feel safe admitting stuff like that to you guys. I wouldn't to family members or some friends...

Eldest DD was a chosen caretaker (nursing) and I always said I couldn't do that. But then I took care of her, then my mother, and now DH. I think this last one is so much harder because of the personality changes and the fact that it will last so long and end so badly (mentally and financially). Luckily I'm the type to put off worrying about what I can't change until I have to deal with it (most of the time).