1 year, 100 lbs gone

Jun 30, 2011

So, on a more positive note from me, I figured since it was exactly 1 year ago (tomorrow anyways) that I'd go ahead and weigh myself.

And according to the nice scale I found - I am down 102 LBS in one year.

I will never forget the day I woke up and decided it was now or never. I will never forget seeing the number 420 on the scale. I will never forget the panic that came along with that. I will never forget the first time I tried to go to the gym and I couldn't put my shoes on because my feet were too swollen. I will never forget the first time I actually made it to the gym, got on the treadmill, and couldn't do more than 10 min at 2.5 mph. I will never forget the shame and embarassment of having no clothes to wear to work for a jury trial. I will never forget all of the activities I had to miss out on because I couldn't walk. And most importantly, I will never forget that day when I decided I had enough, and day I decided to change directions.

That was not the day I decided on WLS - it was about 2 weeks after I started watching what I ate and exercising that it even crossed my mine. I started looking into for the first time (before that I knew nothing about WLS other than lapband billboards). When I made that decision, and I started reading, I decided it was something I needed. There was no way I was going from 420lbs to "normal" on my own. I was haunted by the previous WW attempt where I lost about 90 or so lbs, and gained all back in 6 months. And I never looked back. I knew I wanted my BMI to be under 50 at the time of surgery to reduce the risks and complications, and that's what motivated me the most.

And I did that. By changing my habits, my relationship with food, I lost 85 lbs before I went in for surgery. I will be more proud of those 85 lbs I lost pre-op than I will be of the weight I lose with the surgery - I fought a lot of battles, a lot of demons to get those lbs off, but I did it. I know there will be more, but I'm more or less ready now.

I have learned a few things a long the way - I hate the scale. I have my logs of my weekly weigh ins over the months, and I can see my body loves to screw with me - maintaining +/- .02 lbs for a couple weeks and dropping 7-8 lbs at once. I don't need the scale to tell me how i'm doing. My body does its thing, I do mine.  Exercise is absoutely 100% required for me. Not because it burns calories and builds muscle mass, but because it gives me goals, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, it keeps my head in the game, and keeps the depression at bay.(and for a while it was just 2 hours I was away and not at home to eat lol) I know I will never feel the same satisfaction from a scale that I felt the day I did my first 5K at 346lbs.

Surgery has been rough. I'm 3 weeks out, and most days I wish I had given it one last attempt without surgery. I'm grateful for the 17lbs that Ive shed since then, but it will take a while for me to truly feel like I did the right thing. But I'm setting aside those feelings for a day to celebrate the new me, and celebrate my accomplishments. I've received so much support and kindness from people here and I'm even more thankful for that.

2 Comments