OMGosh!! Surgery Day is Here!!

Jul 28, 2010

Today is my re-birth day! I remember the first time I said out loud that I was thinking of having this surgery. I said it to Gramz. She was sick and we knew we wouldn't have her much longer, but she was the person in my life I bounced things off of. I remember when I was a teenager one of her friends had some kind of weight loss surgery and a couple years later she had gained all the weight back. After that, I don't really remember her having a whole lot of good things to say about WLS so I was kind of afraid of what she would say.

So many people are misled into believing that to have WLS is giving up, or taking the easy way out of your weight problem. I personally struggled very much with the idea that I would be cheating or taking the easy way out if I had this surgery. So, I was skittish to tell her I was thinking about having a consultation with a bariatric surgeon. I didn't know what to expect, and I kind of wanted to say it quietly to see if maybe she'd miss it... But, I just blurted it out to her one day when I was feeling especially like I wanted to really LIVE for the time I had left.

It seems like in the last 5 years or so, I have lost a lot of people who really shaped who I was. I have been really struck by how young those people whom I have lost have been. I don't want to be one of them who dies young and beautiful. I want to be one who lives to a ripe old age, who meets generations after my own, who sees discoveries men once only dreamed of, who gets caught up in the clouds in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.

A lot of times in my life, I would go to Gramz with something when I already knew what she would say, I just knew I needed to hear it out loud. There were a couple times that she surprised me, but not very many. She usually said exactly what I expected her to say... But that day, when I blurted out to her that I was thinking of having Gastric Bypass Surgery, she surprised me. She got a tear in her eye and said, "I think that's great! I think it will be wonderful for you to be healthy. You should do it!!" From then on, she always asked me about my surgery and what my progress was, she practically nagged me into getting everything done so I could have this surgery. I was pretty nervous at the beginning. I've never had surgery before, ever. I have only ever stayed in the hospital when I had Rachel and even then I didn't need surgery.

I know this is a decision I have made prayerfully, thoughtfully, and carefully. I have been so blessed by the people in my family and close circle of friends who have poured out their love on me in this time leading up to the surgery. I really did think there would be more opposition to the idea of me having this surgery, but I feel so blessed to have a family full of people who have just been happy for me. It was really a scary thing for me to stand up at Thanksgiving and announce to the whole family that I was going to do this. And, it really meant a lot to me that you all responded without hesitation with a chorus of support for my decision. I know a lot of people don't get that kind of love and support from their families and I am thankful to have it from mine.

*CLAP* (change subject)

From what I've read on the message boards and blogs, today begins the "what have I done to myself" period, where post op patients spend the first week to three weeks in a deep depression, afraid that the surgery will fail, and second guessing their decision to have this surgery. I have many ideas as to why this happens to us (Bariatric Patients).

There is pain when we wake up from surgery. Our bodies are put through a huge stress, and many of us are not prepared for the kind of pain the surgery will deliver. Also, we are on clear liquids or no liquids at all until our new stomach is tested for leaks. We are forced to drink tons of water into a tiny little stomach that will hold very little.

And, our whole lives we have used one thing to comfort ourselves when we are in pain- FOOD. Most Bariatric Patients have not learned how to cope with the painful reality of every day life (not that every day is miserable, just that miserable days happen. life can be painful, not just for large people but for everyone). So, when we wake up from surgery, we are in a full immersion program, where we have ZERO access to the one thing we've been taught will make us feel better. We can't eat. We can't drink. And, we freak out about it!!

Also, for the females among us, estrogen is a fat soluble hormone. So, our bellies are full of it. We are forcing our body to use that fat and it is releasing however many years of overeating's worth of estrogen into our system all at once. Imagine PMS times 10 lasting 3 months and you have some idea of what it's all about.

Today, I will ask you to pray for many things, because it's the big day, and I believe prayer works!! Please pray for my surgery to be a success, for it to go smoothly, for it to be over quickly, for my surgeon's hands and eyes to be guided by God, for the nurses who will work with me, for the hospital staff who will work with me, for the anesthesiologist, for my family to have peace and comfort, for me to not have any major complications, and for any complications that I do have to be found and dealt with quickly and easily. And, please pray for me not to suffer too much in my "What have I done" period! That I would feel those feelings that God would have me feel, and that I would have HIS peace in my heart to be able to move forward with this BLESSING God has delivered into my life!
 
Verse I'm meditating on today:
Psalm 84: 10-12
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wiched. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you!

Huggles!!
~Sarah~

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