Meltdown...

Aug 03, 2010

Just figured I would log on here and confess to anyone who might be reading this (Kyra and Jen) that I had a meltdown today... I sat in my chair and cried and complained for 15 minutes. It feels kind of stupid, but also kind of justified... I don't know. I hope it's just the hormones or something... I know I'm already losing, I cheated and got on the scale even though I told myself I would wait until I got to the drs office on the 9th. But, I jumped on and it said 259.3, which is great since my right before surgery weight was 264...

Anyhow, the thing is that I'm on clear liquids only until Aug. 9... And, it's kind of making me crazy... I don't really like a lot of things that are in the clear liquids category. So, my choices right now are: Water, Chicken Broth, and Fruity IsoPure that has been doctored with Crystal Light to taste somewhat decent (it all tastes like fruit punch once I start mixing it).

Today, I tried to crush an iron pill and eat it to help with the anemia, but it was lemon lime flavored (who the hell thought of that??) which just happened to be the same flavor as the magnesium citrate I drank for bowel prep, so I had kind of a mental gag over eating anything with that type of flavor again... The other two flavors I have are passion fruit and grape, which both remind me so much of fruit punch that I'm completely depressed over the idea of eating them.

It was just a hard day for me today, and I gave in to it for a while. Physically, I feel great! I'm not taking any pain meds anymore. I can do my walking and everything no problem. I took a nap this afternoon, but some of that was just wanting to escape the water and fruit punch. Some of it is the anemia, it makes me tired. The afternoon nap is the first sign that the anemia is really starting to get to me. It generally means that my hemoglobin is in the 8 range (It's supposed to be 12)... It was 8.6 at the hospital, but they sent me home with no infusions or transfusions or anything... I still have a little bit of shoulder gas, but it is becoming more of a constant dull pain instead of a sharp pain, so it seems more manageable to me  this way, and it is a much less intense pain now, so I think it's getting better and going away...

I am not having a what have I done to myself moment. I'm just having a why can't there be something in the clear liquids department that I actually want to drink moment. If I didn't know how dangerous it is to do, I would just drink water. It's the only thing that tastes remotely good to me these days.

I did choke down 56 grams of protein today and 68 ounces of liquid total. (not counting medicines)  I feel good about that, it's the most I've done since the surgery...

Tomorrow's another day!!
Huggles!!
~Sarah~

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