AliSarah
An overview of where I am today, Friday, Aug. 6
Aug 09, 2010
I know! I know! Two notes in one day is a lot, but I didn't want to make the surgery story one any longer, and I am bored out of my mind, so I still have a lot more to say, LOL...But, seriously, 8 days later... I have been really great and really sucky, and everywhere in between... It's definitely a roller coaster ride!
I feel really good! I can walk around the block all by myself, I did it yesterday! I don't have any pain from my incisions. They do itch a bit, but that's normal with healing. I don't have any stitches, I'm just super glued shut, which is good for less scarring I hear. I haven't taken any pain meds for incision pain in 3 or 4 days...
I went to my support group meeting on Monday for the first time as a post op patient, it felt really great to be there with my friends, and I really had a lot to contribute on the topic, which was really awesome. It was also an important topic for me at this stage, so I was glad I didn't miss it. We talked about lapses and how to keep them from becoming relapses. We also talked about monitoring and logging everything you eat to be able to look at that data and see what you can learn from it. I'm not huge on doing that, but I have been doing it faithfully since the surgery. It's hard but it helps a lot to be able to see how much water I've been drinking and how much protein stuff I have been drinking, for how many total grams of protein.
I am not drinking anywhere near enough water or protein but I am slowly making my way to the goal. Eventually, I need to build to 64 oz of water (preferably more) a day, as well as 100-110 grams of protein every day. I've gotten 48 oz of water on my best day so far, and 57 grams of protein on my best day so far. (Not on the same day, lol) That's not great, but it's a step in the right direction!
Emotionally, I've been kind of going through the ringer, lol... I felt really great at first, just excited to be turning over this new leaf. Then the major boredom set in. I am bored. All day long, bored. I haven't been able to go anywhere cuz I wasn't cleared to drive. I have 1800 movies in the house, but I've seen them all or have no interest in seeing them. I can watch tv, but that gets BORING... Everyone on the computer is awesome, but the reality is there are not a whole lot of people who can just be on the computer all the time. And, then there is the added boredom of having to drink nothing but clear fluids all day long every single day. Water, broth, punch, punch, water, water, punch, broth. It took about 4 days to really get to me.
I have a weird sensation about food. I'm not hungry. I'm not thirsty. I can take or leave what I'm drinking. Water tastes good, EVERYTHING else not that great. And, then I see a commercial for something I would have eaten a couple weeks ago, or that I'm planning to eat again, or that I never want to eat again, and it hits me like a ton of bricks that I'm not eating anything and everything I'm drinking is BORING... And, that makes me angry or depressed. That seems dumb, but there it is. I watch commercials and analyze how many carbs are in that thing they are eating, how I could modify it to make it more healthy for me and something I could eat once I get into the eating actual food phase! I'm angry at tacos for existing and tasting so good. The first few days, I did not have this problem, and I was fine to be in the room with my family while they ate dinner and what not. But, lately, not so much. And, I'm depressed that all I can have is water, punch, and broth.
I have had 2 meltdowns at 7:45 pm. Evidently my hormones just run really high at a quarter to 8, lol... If anything happens close to 7:45pm, I just get set off and I start just crying. It generally lasts until 8. Just 15 minutes of semi-therapeutic crying. The first time, it was because the family got to eat tacos, and I could only have water, punch, or broth. The second time, it was because Ashley went to the zoo, and I stayed home. She wanted to tell me about her day but I had been home alone and bored all day, so I didn't want to hear about her awesome adventures at the zoo. And, before I knew it, I was just sitting there crying in despair. And, then at 8, it was done. The whole time it's happening, I'm thinking how ridiculous it is and how it's not going to solve anything or make me feel any better... But, I can't stop it so there it is. I think this must be the definition of hormones going crazy because it is just something I really have no control over...
Two things I have had that I don't know if they are related to the hormones or surgery or what not are: a metallic taste in my mouth- don't know what that's about, it happened yesterday all day and seems to be gone today, and really disturbing dreams one night- it was just an icky all over kind of dream in which I was very angry and totally not myself, it was a very creepy feeling in the morning. Like I said, I have no idea if either of these is/was related to the surgery at all...
But, I am pretty excited that I have not felt any remorse... Even through all this anger and depression at my current boring circumstances, I have not began a "What have I done to myself" period. I'm bored and frustrated with how much more time I have to spend on clear liquids. I have online friends who are released from the hospital with pureed foods and told to live their lives. I have a friend who had surgery same day and time as I did in another state and she has already been advanced to full liquids and will get to have pureed foods very soon. So, there is frustration there knowing that my surgeon's plan is a bit more drastic than some other surgeons' plans. But, I haven't cheated. And, I'm proud of that. i will be able to march in there on Monday and tell her I may not have gotten in all my water, and I may not have gotten enough protein, but I DIDN"T CHEAT! I stuck to the plan!!
Only 2 more things to go, lol...
This paragraph may be TMI, especially for those without uteri!!
Lovenox... Lovenox is a blood thinner that helps keep you from getting blood clots. In the hospital, I was given heparin (another blood thinner) shots every six hours. They are a little burny, and the first one BURNED SO BAD, because they had to put it in my arm. The rest were put in my abdomen, didn't hurt that much at all... So, I have been menstruating for almost 6 weeks. Blood thinners make that bleeding worse. In the first 4 weeks of bleeding, my iron levels went from 13.3 to 10.1 right before surgery. In the hospital, they dropped further to at least 8.6, maybe even lower, I didn't get the number for the last test I took. So, Dr. T gave me a 2 day break from the blood thinners in the hopes it would help with the bleeding and stave off the anemia a bit. She told me I had to walk a lot to prevent blood clots, but she felt I needed a break. I was supposed to start the Lovenox on Monday. I haven't done it. I have been doing a lot of walking to keep the blood clots away, but the bleeding is going down every day and I just can't wrap my brain around giving myself an injection that is going to make it get a lot worse again. At this point, I am more afraid of anemia than I am of a blood clot. That may be stupid, but there it is.
Because I know a lot of people on line who have had this surgery, I know that some surgeons choose not to use lovenox at all, some do it for a week, some for 2, some for a month... It seems to be a matter of personal preference. I don't think that skipping this medicine is going to hurt me, but please keep praying against blood clots anyway, because I just don't think I can bring myself to take this medication. I feel super guilty about it because I want to be 100% compliant with my doctor's wishes. I just can't bring myself to do it on this one item. From what I understand, the risk of a clot lowers every day that passes without one!
And, finally... I've saved what I think is the worst for last... But, the good news is this is a problem for any laproscopic surgery patient, not just one who had RNY (Gastric Bypass). To do the surgery, they blow up your abdomen like a balloon with gas. This makes it so they can look around in there and see what they are doing. At the end, they deflate it again, but residual gas is always left behind. For a lot of people, this presents as a stabbing type pain in the left shoulder. It's a gas pocket. In my case, it's especially activated when I hiccup or burp- two things that happen often after you have your digestive tract rerouted. It feels like being stabbed with a hot knife in the shoulder. It lasts about 30 seconds each time, and I'm assigning it a pain level number of 8 out of 10. I've had this pain since I became aware of my surroundings after surgery. It's always been an 8. But, at that time, my body's baseline was around a 6. A jump from 6 to 8 is not really that big of a deal. But, now that I'm healing quite well, my body's baseline pain number is a 0 (YAY), and the stabbing pain is still an 8. It's starting to really upset me, it's interfering with my sleep and my daytime activity. And, it's disheartening that the doctors say it is normal, could last any number of days (It's different for every person, I've heard from 4 days to 3 weeks), and there is nothing to be done about it. You just have to take your tylenol and hope it passes quickly in your case. (So I went back onto the tylenol today)
PLEASE PRAY FOR IT TO PASS!! It's horrible and I want it to be over! It's also messing with my emotions and amplifying my depression and irritation with my circumstances, which I know I have put myself into. I promise that I am wearing my big girl panties and doing my best to deal with it, but it would be so much easier to do that if I wasn't getting stabbed in the shoulder once an hour (or more) 24 hours a day!!
On a brighter note, I have been wearing my engagement ring for almost a week now, and I haven't been able to do that in over a year! I even managed to squeeze on my wedding ring with it for a moment and I think in a few days I'll be able to wear that one too!
Also, I have stepped on the scale 3 times since my surgery and seen the following numbers: 259.7 pounds, 255.1 pounds, and 252.2 pounds. Some people gain as much as 20 pounds in fluids in the hospital, so I'm very pleased that I have lost all the weight they pumped into me in the hospital and another 12 pounds on top of that since my surgery! Praise God for this amazing tool of deliverance He has brought into my life!!
I love you all!
Huggles!!
~Sarah~
p.s. I did have Ashley take a photo of my incisions. If you are the kind of person who would like to see that, let me know and I'll send it to you. You will be amazed at how small and uneventful they are!!
