chanakurtz

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Many ppl choose what it is they wish to believe for their own lives...I myself have chosen Jesus...I remember when I first got on OH years ago, I went out into the main forum and extended Jesus..oh boy did they have a hay day...I had no idea there were so many miserable ppl in my life...I now understand why so many were FAT and disgusted with themselves..they had absolutely no HOPE at all..What I've come to realize over the past few years is that I'm being birthed into a whole new life...everything and every way I used to do things has not shifted..I have fallen in love with Jesus and because of that relationship, I just dont do things the same way...It is by His grace I'm able to live and breathe...when I thought about killing myself, I had no idea it was a representation of dying to myself...I am understanding thru my relationship with Christ, there's nothing I can do or will do to separate me from Him...sin separates when a person has not been saved...I am saved, I've accepted Christ as my savior...knowing that, I'm not modifying my behaviors anymore, its my relationship with Him and honor for Him that I will discontinue those behaviors...to accept the knowledge of Christ being crucified for me...if I believe that, then there's no reason at all for me to be worried about what I look like, or how I feel..the closer I get in to relation with Him the better off I am...today I learned about grace...Jesus is full of grace, and in fact, He has more grace than we have sin...so when you are ready to get up and accept Jesus as your personal savior knowing He died for every sin you have committed and will ever commit  He will indeed bless you..when you start looking at your situation thru the grace of God and not your own doing, I promise the possibilities of whatever you wish will open up..Im no longer interested in self-help books, declarations or mantras..I know that I dont even have enough in me to do it!! Its His will not mine!!!!

Be encouraged!!!

The dark cloud has lifted, thank God and thank you to all of you who sent words of encouragement...let me say this..I am no means trying to be accepted by Man, or a man...these internal conflicts are with myself...believe it or not..I really do LOVE ME!! its what keeps me here...the conflicts do become overwhelming but I know its the enemy's way of convincing me that I'm not worthy...Nobody disrespects me or devalues me..these are things I've done to myself because I only saw what I could see with my eyes...

My encouragement today as it has been before is to see past what you can see with your eyes...they deceive, the scale deceives, your heart will not deceive...God made us in His image so the core of us is all good...I know its easier to see it and believe in someone else before we see it in ourselves but today...I give myself permission to be all that God has created me to be!!! How about that? I am a wonderful person who loves Jesus and His children..nobody or this body will keep me from that....

BAM!! I love you all so much!!!!

Not everybody in the world can relate to what it may feel like to want to die by your own hands...Many people think that ppl who think about suicide are crazy, manic and even unbelievers.  Well let me share something with you.  I'm neither but yes, I think about killing myself sometimes...this surgery has caused so many conflicting emotions that sometimes I feel like I'm better of dead...I know that's not the truth but I promised I would stay transparent...Think about it!! One minute you're treated like the fat pretty girl...you do something about the weight and now you  just become the typical pretty girl, never getting a chance from anyone to express who you really are without being judged...its crazy...I love the Lord Jesus, and I know that He died for all my sins..I understand that what I see with my eyes is not necessarily the truth anymore but I have to have time to sort thru all these real feelings and they do not make me crazy..Not talking about it and hiding it from ppl is what crazy is...sharing your feelings is not what makes you crazy!!!...

I want to share and encourage any of you who may have these thoughts...make sure you are talking to someone...let go of any issues of guilt, shame, fear or doubt because that's the fuel that spirit needs to continue to brew...you are more than worthy to be loved...How you see yourself is important...you are beautiful, you are special, you will live...thru every hurt pain of the past and pain in the future..you will LIVE!!!

I stand with you my sisters and brothers who feel like the only way out is death but you are so important, your story is imperative to many so keep it up...live and not die...share and declare that you will live and everything you have been thru has been purposed for such a time as this!!!

Inbox me if you need to!!!!

Again,

I have been away for a few weeks but I think of you all the time...I feel responsible to "keep it real."  I'm so perplexed at the number of individuals who still feel the need to alter the truth as it pertains to their weight loss issues....this is not easy! Once you can conquer that, the healing begins..be real with your feelings..this is not a quick fix and you cannot afford to compare yourself to others...we all carry our weight different, therefore we will lose it different...I see a size 6 totally different than "my" 6's...for whatever reason, my 6's seem BIG...its all how you look at it..learn to have fun and enjoy this journey, if not it will consume you!!!

I've started my coaching practice and I love it..I'm also in the thick of starting a trucking company...I absolutely love it!! Do something you never have before...I must admit, the weight loss gives you a new lease on things...skinny is not where you want to be...healthy is and it doesn't start with what you look like, its starts with what you see...we all have a choice to look at things from the good, bad, or ugly side...they all are equal so that being the case choose to find the good in every situation...it takes less energy and effort...

Be blessed and encouraged to do things and see things as you have never before in life.....