Doing Myself a Favor

Mar 06, 2012

Well.  I changed my weight on here to 198.5.  My lowest was 181.7 on April 22, 2011.  I didn't post a weight update after that until January 17th of this year when I admitted to weighing 191.1.  Today I admitting to a total of 198.5.  That seems to be a gain of 7.4 pounds in 7 weeks (not good, but certainly not out of control).  BUT, that isn't the entire truth.  Less than two weeks ago I was up to 204.9 (now that is a gain of 13.8 in roughly 5 weeks)!  Out of Onederland and at rock bottom.  I do distinctly remember blogging once that I had entered Onederland and had no intention of ever leaving again.  So much for that!  I left.  It was awful.  Pitiful.  Painful.  Embarrassing.  I kept telling myself it was only a few pounds.  Nothing major.  YEAH RIGHT.  Who am I kidding?  I never reached my "goal", how can I say gaining ANYTHING was OK?  I just kept thinking, "It's only a number, it doesn't matter."  But truth be told, it does! 

Last week I finally admitted to my best friend that I had gained some weight.  She pretty much said, "Yep, I know."  Well, she didn't actually say that, but she did say she felt like I was too thin at 181.7, and had noticed I had gained a few pounds, but she thought I looked good where I was.  She in turn asked me if I felt comfortable where I am, or if I felt better thinner.  I thought about it, and honestly, I felt my best hovering between 185 - 190.  I also told my husband about the weight gain, once again, he might as well have said "Yep, I know."  But instead he reassured me that he loves me and is attracted to me at any size.  (He couldn't quite understand why I wanted to continue to lose weight, but he said that if I did want to lose weight that I should set realistic goals like 5 pounds.)

Well I wasn't comfortable with me at any size.  I don't want to hover around 200 pounds.  I want to be safely grounded in Onederland, at least 10 pounds away from Onederland.  That is where I felt my best.  And that is where I am headed, my first goal was 5 pounds.  I stayed away from the scale, and bam, I am down 6.4.  Now I want to lose 3.6 more.  That will give me 10 pounds gone.  From there we'll see.  But right now, I am handle 3.6!  Baby steps.  (Some of those baby steps have simply included getting outside more, the weather is helping too!)

Now, all that positivity aside, let's be realistic.  The scale lies, and the scale bounces, and the scale is variable.  I may have not gone #2 in a few days, my weight is up.  I may have drank too much water, not enough water, etc, and my weight is up.  They key is to not weight yourself EVERYDAY.  I used to be obsessed.  I wanted to weight myself every morning and see that scale drop and drop and drop.  Well, once you get past 18 months that isn't the case.  You have to wean yourself off the scale and have realistic expectations of yourself and your progress.  3.6 is realistic, and a goal I know I can reach!

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