Advice from the Gods

Jul 23, 2012

You are all amazing.  Every last one of you.  Whether you commented on my last blog or not, your love, support, and advice was felt, absorbed, and 100% appreciated!  Thank you.

Some of you asked about counseling.  Yes, I go weekly.  I was in the intensive outpatient treatment for roughly 7 weeks, and have been back at work for 3 weeks now, but have a weekly appointment with a wonderful counselor.  So far we haven't really delved into the abuse because I have been dealing more with what is bothering me on my appointment day. So that is a goal I have, to begin working on the abose more, and to continue to read The Courage To Heal.  The abose is hard because it is not only a revelation for me, but has also been one for my parents, and they're having a rough time, especially my mom.  She has been asking a lot of questions, and I am trying to my hardest to not get defensive or shut down.  So far so good!

I was also asked about God.  And giving it up to God.  Here is my favorite song of the moment:
East To West
By Casting Crowns
Songwriters: Hall, Mark; Herms, Bernie;

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest

I don't want to end up
Where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sin as far as
The east is from the west
And I stand before You now
As though I've never sinned

But today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in

Today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night

I can't live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
And I'm not holding onto You
But You're holding onto me, You're holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far
The east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

Just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other

You know just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other

I am a firm believer in Jesus, God, etc.  I know He is there to take the weight of my sins, worries, concerns on His shoulders, I just have a hard time letting go.

Have I heard of OA, yes.  I have attended a small group, and know I need to find a larger, more populated group, one that is less cliqueish.  That is something my counselor and I talked about on Friday, and she has made it perfectly clear that I need to make finding a new OA group a priority. 

Ok.  I think those were the main questions.  :)  I am alive.  I am healthier than I have ever been.   And I know and want help.  All in all, I am in an ok place today.  Happy Monday all.

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