jmshadowdancer
Food!! stuff.
Aug 07, 2013
I took the little one to Dairy Queen yesterday. I haven't been there in about two years. The last time I went, I shared my Peanut Buster with my brother. I shouldn't have ordered it this time, because I didn't have a grown up to share it with, but I did. My fat brain said the taste was worth the gluttony, as we haven't had this in two years. However, it didn't taste as great as I remember, and I felt mad at myself getting a five dollar item, when I would have had more than enough with a 3 dollar dipped cone. Luckily, my son ate some of my ice cream and hubby too. Hopefully, this is filed away for future purposes in my mental filing cabinet.
To be honest, that's why I don't really like to eat out anymore. I can't finish the food in one sitting, ever. I'm not complaining, but it gets boring taking it home to eat later, and/or finding someone to eat the rest of it so it doesn't go to waste. And my tastes have changed, most take out/fast food tastes bad to me. I can't eat Dunkin Donuts anymore at all, because I can't stand this weird smell everything from there has. [Not that I should be eating Dunkin Donuts at all].
I normally opt to make food at home or eat my mother's cooking. My mother's cooking is amazing, and I can eat that fifteen times in a row [joking of course, but I think you understand me.] The problem with my making food at home comes with the fact that cooking isn't some fun lady activity that comes naturally to me. I have to work at it to make the food taste okay. I haven't reached a point yet where anyone asks me to make anything. They quite prefer I don't. Except for my baking, but I can't eat brownies (unless I figure out how to make some protein super brownie... hmm..).
So yeah, I hate the kitchen. As of late I have been doing Atkins, but that gets expensive and annoying. I stick to high protein low carb, but induction makes me cranky.
Bread makes me nauseous. Pasta I can have in small amounts. Rice, small amounts. Salads taste best, but are a hassle to make. And I think bagged salads made me a part of the masses that got the epidemic Ass Flu that was going around.
So what's a girl to do? I can't hire a chef. I can't enslave my mom. I can't magically make myself love to cook. I can't go back to eating shitty fast foods. I can't afford to buy from restaurants every day. So I'm left with at least making myself cook awesome. And drinking protein shakes and broths. And getting good Tupperware for my concoctions.
You know something else? I love chocolate. But I am getting sick and tired of it. Soda I love too, but am getting sick and tired of the burning feeling it gives me so I'm back to diluting it with water like I was pre-pregnancy.
I've been through spit and chew (in the very beginning), to eating 2 ounces at a time... now I can properly eat about 4-6 ounces. But I think one of my problems, in analyzing myself.. is that I stopped separating drinking from eating like Liz taught me. I really need to go through my guidelines and get back on track with her instructions. They are there for a reason after all.
Honestly, I was doing so well pre-pregnancy when I was at 285, but all of a sudden I am realizing that my eating has gone to the toilet. Having a cathartic moment. See, I think if I continue like this I will go back to losing weight regardless. But I'll be honest, I'm in a bit of a rush to get a little smaller.
Besides the fact that I see everyone around me having surgery and being skinny minnies quickly (but trying to remind myself they start out smaller than I did for the most part).. my clothes are starting to look a little warn and instead of buying in the size 20/22 I am right now (24 for some pants because of my huge rear end), I'd like to put on the clothes that I bought moons ago in size 18 and size 16 already. I'd also like to purchase things in size 16 and 18 and move forward. I'm broke as hell, and I noticed it's a little easier to get smaller sizes at the thrift shops and goodwill for myself. I stay away from stores for myself for now because my plan is to be smaller.
When I first started typing, I didn't think I'd get this much thought down. But I think I need this, and am going to resolve to get back to blogging this experience. My journey is far from done, I have to keep telling myself that.
