Bothering me

Jul 26, 2011

Well, something has been bothering me for a few months now - usually, when I get these "feelings", I am right on target.

Mike and I have been together for 2.5 years now. We live together, and he helps me with my kids. He has 2 sons from previous marriages - Rob and Casey - I have never met them. NEVER. They live about an hour and a half away, and although he insists its not "me", I think it is. Originally, he said he needed to take things slow with them - he had cheated on his ex-wife and gotten caught. I could understand that, and said thats fine. Since then.... nothing. I never mention it (honestly, its easier not to) and he never brings it up.

He takes my van most weekends (his car broke down in March) to go visit them, essentially leaving me without a car. He doesnt come with me to most family gatherings - in fact, he has been to 1 or 2, at the most. I have absolutely no interaction with his sister, mother, father, or kids. 

We have a committed relationship, and have been thru a lot. 

Tonight, he is locked upstairs in the bedroom, not answering my IM's, and I'm not sure what to make of it. When he talks to his kids, its always outside, away from everyone. He never answers the phone if I'm in the room. He never calls them if I am there - he claims "I like my privacy".  I have seen pics of his kids (and how they have changed over the years) but also know how easily he could lie to me, and tell me he is going to see them, and he could go off and spend the weekend with someone else. 

Honestly, I am at the point that if he decided to be with someone else, that would be fine, but he has to be honest about it. He knows that is how I feel - I never say "those three little words" to him, and he knows I will never marry him - a discussion we have had - I went thru a terrible seperation and divorce from my ex husband (he is bi-polar and schitzophrenic) and am still dealing with the fall out from that. I will never marry again, and will not allow anyone to abuse me the way he did thru the years. 

   I guess i am confused. I dont want to be used as someone's emotional playtoy. I want an honest relationship. 

For the record - he lied to me once, and came clean about a month later - and it revolved around money and his ex wife. I dont care about him paying her bills (yes, I actually said that) because it keeps his kids here (rather than Florida). Maybe its my insecurities popping up. But then again, maybe its my intuition keeping me safe. 

   I will talk to him about it one of these nights. Just to ease my mind. 

 

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